Gone
by Miss x Massacre
Summary: Set after 'My Hometown'. Jude leaves and assumes a new alias in a new country. When she runs into Tommy a year and a half later, what will ensue? Full Summary Inside. Chapter 38 now posted: January 18, 2013!
1. Full summary plus preview

_Gone  
_A new one by Miss Massacre

**Authors Note**: During that month (or more?) without a computer, I began handwriting a story. At first I wasn't sure if I liked it, but as it went on (which is pretty far now) I realized I liked it and _maybe_ I should put it out there. I have fourteen chapters to date, eleven of those typed, and I've been slacking the last couple of weeks. The narration in the story is constantly changing, and since seeing the fourth season I've changed things.

Reviews are more than appreciated.

- - -

Set after 'My Hometown'. Narrations rotate.

Jude left New Brunswick and Tommy came back, but after his return Jude walks in on something horrifying and she fled Toronto with the aid of Darius and Sadie, taking on a new alias. All is right once she's settled in, but after a year or so of hiding Jommy runs into one another at a party with her boyfriend of almost one year. Things get shaky then, tearing Jude between who she was and who she is now and when it comes to telling her current the truth - she's not sure she can do it. Until word leaks to the press of her whereabouts causing an uproar in not only the music world, but Jude's double life as well. When she left Toronto, she was in high hopes to become a strong person - that maybe taking on a new alias would erase her weakness, but she quickly learns that is not the case when she's left with the decision of returning to Toronto with Tommy or staying in New York.

Snip It's:

_I'm still not sure I should be going to this industry party. I mean I've only been with Lucas for eight months and he's already showing around his work and double dating - not that it bothers me...See the thing that bothers me is that it's a music indstry party and the big wigs'll be there. I cannot having anyone recognize me because I probably know half of them! But looking back in the mirror at my appearance, I realize I don't even recognize myself._

- - -

**A year and a half - eighteen god foresaken months - and I still don't feel like the same Tom Quincy. I don't think I'll ever be right until she comes back to me. I know they know something - something they're not telling me...My therapist says I need an outlet for my anger or pain, whatever, they think I have that acute paranoia. You see what she's reduced me to? I'm fucking my whole emotional field by talking to those wacko's...Got some industry party tonight, Darius thinks this label will be the 'next best thing', but with a name like theirs I doubt any of their artists would make Top 100.**

- - -

The rain that had fell earlier that day gave a chill to the air causing the guests to huddle inside, away from any outdoor entrances. After seeing him she broke away from the conversation, claiming to need fresh air, and retreated to the balcony to smoke...Her breath hitched in her throat as she heard someone approach. She knew it was him - no one could deny the prescense of Tommy Quincy.

- - -

It was past last call when I found Sam in my office, curled up in one front of my desk. Even in the dim darkness, she shines...I know she thinks I'm blind, but it's quite the contrary. I notice every pained smile, far off look, and half-hearted laugh she gives. It's as if she has this other dimension to her.

- - -

_I think I just swallowed my heart. Did I really just use the L-word with Lucas?! Eep, seems I have. He cups my cheek and kisses me passionately. That's enough to make me shut up. As I lean in to kiss him again, my ringtone 'Little Miss Obsessive' goes off. Of course it's from my never released 4th album. Recorded here in New York. I turn over and snatch the phone from the nightstand pressing talk without checking the caller ID. On the other end I hear a heavy breathing and my pulse quickens. I pull the phone away from my ear to look at the caller ID._

**ID BLOCKED**

- - -

It was quarter after noon when she wandered into the resturaunt, her black hair whipping around from the wind. She quickly spotted Tommy in the back and sauntered to the table he sat at.

"Hi..." he greeted, looking up at her uneasily.

"Hey," she said, taking a seat across from him and pressing a smile on. She flipped open the menu, keeping her eyes on their choices though she already knew what she was going to order.

"How're things?" he asked, lifting the porcelain cup to his lips and taking a sip.

"Just peachy, you?" she kept her eyes on the menu, afraid her resolve would slip if she looked at him head on.

"Quite the opposite..." he extended his hand across the table, pushing her menu down. "I miss you like hell Jude."

- - -

Those were snip-its from the first six chapters. I like to hear feedback, so if I get more than four reviews I'll post two chapters tomorrow.


	2. Jude's POV

**Author's Note**: I was nervous about doing a first person narration because in the past it wasn't that well, but this surprisingly came easily to me. One thing I should add is that after leaving, G Major releases her third album.

I hope you all enjoy the first two chapters. Reviews are welcome.

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Chapter One: (Just Like) Starting Over

...I'm still not sure if I should go to this industry party. I mean I've only been with Lucas for eight months and he's already showing me around his work and double dating with our friends - not that it bothers me. Lucas is kind, sweet, charming, and completely caring, and I have to admit I'm starting to like him...or at least Samantha is. The Jude part of me is still pining for a he-who-shall-not-be-named in Toronto; a year and a half later I still want him, but here I am in my Manhattan loft getting ready for what was to be 'the best night of my life' per Lucas' opinion and I have no need to shoot him down.

Gotta let the boy dream.

See the thing that worries me is that this is a music industry party, and all the big wigs'll be there. I cannot have any of them recognize me, but as I gaze at my reflection I realize I don't even recognize myself. Straight black hair, pure green eyes with slight baggage underneath from too many late nights at the Vogue offices with Nicci. I grab the concealer pencil - smudge, blend, smudge, blend - and as I continue beautifying myself for the night coming, the last night I was in the Toronto vincinity plays before my eyes like a movie on autoplay.

**Flashback:**

G Major's lights were dimmed as she made her way to his office near the back. She couldn't find him in any of the studio's, so she guess it must've been his last resort. The past week since he'd been back without any communication to her was killing her. She wanted to apologize for going to New Brunswick and meddling in his life. As she wandered down the hall, she thought of what to say to him. The make-up sex she heard about was probably going to be great. As she neared his office, "White Lines" could be heard playing from his iDock.

She stopped in front of the slight ajar door, mustering up her courage before pushing the door open slightly to see inside. "To-" she couldn't even get the full syllable out as she seen him hunched over the glass coffee table, snorting loudly as he ran his head down in a straight, short line. Her heart pounded in her stomach and her throat tightened, tears pushed at her eyes but she swallowed them back down. The chorus resonated through the room and she violently pushed the door into the wall creating a large hole. Jude rose her eyebrows as the blonde lifted her head, in turn causing a completely oblivious Tommy to follow in her line of sight.

He rose from his seat, eyes wide with regret. The pinkness of the tip his nose began spreading, up the bridge and to his cheeks. "Ju-" he stopped midword as she slapped him across the face. With his hand to his cheek, he looked at her wildly. "What the he-" he was cut off again by her slapping him soundly on the other cheek, his head flying to the opposite side. She pursed her lips looking at the table, grains of coke still strewn across the clear glass, then at him. "White lines, Tommy?" she asked her features tight, referring not just to the song but to what had just been inhaled up his nostrils. In her mind the last months played through her head, so many things clicking in her head. "How could you?"

She shook her head, rubbing her forehead. "I cannot believe you." she whispered backing away as he outstretched his hand to touch her. "Jude...it's not...what you think..." he said slowly as her gaze switched between his hand and his face. She whispered so low she was barely heard, "I'm done..."

She turned on her heel, fleeting down the hall of G Major tears falling freely, rushing to her childhood home. As she packed her things quickly, she phoned Sadie and Darius - the two people that were sure to get her out of this. She told D she needed a favor, he obliged and before sun up of the next morning - she was crossing the country lines of U.S. and Canada, on her way to the Big Apple, with a whole new look and alias: Samantha Meagan Harris.

**End Flashback**

A year and a half later, I sit on the board of Vogue helping with styling and writing bits on fashion. To tell you the truth, it's more complex and harder than anything I've done. No wonder these industry girls are size zeroes. I had the oppurtunity of attending Spring Fashion week in Paris and I've grown a love and respect for fashion.

As I'm securing the back of my earring, the doorbell sounds. "One moment!" I yell down the hall, hoping that across the foyer and behind the double oak doors Lucas does hear me. I give a last once over of the dress I'm wearing and hurry out of the room and down the hall, stopping just before the opening of the foyer. I smooth my hair and slow my pace down as I approach the door. Spending time with Nicci, who is a lot like Sadie, taught me to never look or sound rushed.

'_It's unprofessional_...' she said. '_Cool, calm, collected...you must be those at all times, unless you are by yourself or with close friends...such as myself_.' She told me all of this as we did girly things, very unlike myself...then again I'm not myself am I?

I open the door breezily, a soft smile on my face. "Hi," I breathe out, taking in his sandy blonde hair, blue eyes, and crisp black tux.

"Hey Sam," he said leaning forward to kiss my cheek, his hand brushing my hip. "You look...stunning." His eyes traveled down the grey dress I wore. I shrug lightly, even as a city chique Samantha Harris I cannot take compliments well. He leans in to my ear, taking both of my hands in his. "Darling, you're outshining the stars tonight..." he whispers and I feel a blush creep up my neck. He caresses my cheek as I look down. "It's true..."

I smile and look up at him from under my eyelashes. It's little moments like this that makes me forget my Toronto life and everyone in it. "Let's go, hm?" I say softly and he nods in reply. I let go of his hands to grab the small purse from the table beside the door and the shawl from the closet. He stands there patiently, his hands in the pocket of the sports jacket.

**Flashback:**

Jude, who was now better known as Samantha or Sam, stood in the middle of the pop/rock section at Sound Garden music retailers staring at her slightly delayed third album in her grasp. She gave Darius permission to release it after she came to New York. With the reading of each song title, the memory it carried seemed to hit her at that exact moment. She dropped the CD in the basket along with other memory grabbers. Ten months and she'd fell into her job, but the wound that made her leave in the first place had never healed. It still plagued her everyday to where even her co-worker, Nicole, noticed she was down. As she neared the end of the aisle, her head in the clouds, she collided with a hard body.

Before she could hit the factory carpeting like her baskets and it's contents, a muscular arm set her up straight. "I am so sorry," she said opening her eyes and bending down to pick up the CDs strewn across the width of the aisle. "I wasn't watching where I was going..."

She placed the CDs in the basket and stood up to face a broad shouldered, sandy blonde, blue eyed, gorgeous faced male staring back with an amused smile on his face. He almost made her go, _Tommy who?_

"It's alright," he said, his voice breezy. "Not everyday that a beautiful girl bumps into me."

She blushed, a smile spreading across her face. "Lucas Michaels," he said extending his hand which she accepted. "And you are...?"

"Ju-" she cut herself off, shaking his hand. "Samantha Harris..."

He chuckled, haking her hand softly and releasing it. "Nice to meet you, Samantha." he said, brushing off the slip up. Shaking his head slightly, he extended a CD he'd picked up from the floor. "Jude Harrison fan, huh?" She nodded and took the CD from him. "Me too. Couldn't believe she dropped from the spotlight like that...she had an amazing talent."

She tried to hide her smile, it was always nice to know fans missed her in the music world. "Yeah..." she agreed, looking at him as he put his hands in his pocket.

"Just for the record, I don't always do this..." he started. "But would you like to get coffee or something...?"

She was smitten by his timidness, but weighed the options. Forgetting Tom was crucial and if Lucas, who seemed like the perfect candidate, was to be the one to do that - she had to snatch the oppurtunity. "Sure," she nodded, her dimples showing as she smiled. "I'd love to..."

**End Flashback**

It was that date and the following dates that I found out he was a producer at Virgin Records, who sung on the side, striving to start his own record label which he affectionately named 'The Good Stuf'. Somehow the music always makes it's way back to me. Not that I've completely given up on singing. I have a private studio tucked away in the loft, but the music isn't for anyone besides myself.

Surprisingly, Lucas and I bonded and I kept seeing him. He's been so great to me and I truly believe I'm over Tommy, but who's to talk so soon? I know I shouldn't be...

Anyway - tonight he's presenting his signed artists to the media. He's excited so I am...on the inside, I'm still screaming.


	3. Tom's POV

Chapter Two: I Love a Rainy Night

A year and a half...eighteen months and I still don't feel like the same Tom Quincy I was. I won't be right until she's with me again. I know she's not dead or missing contrary to the 'investigations' their doing and what they're telling me. I know they know something - something they're not telling me. Why won't they tell me you ask? Well, I can tell you fucking why. 'Cause I drove her away. Me and my god damed nose, right? Right.

My therapist says I need an outlet for my anger or pain, whatever it was that made me get addicted to cocaine, they think I have that acute paranoia. You see what she's reduced me to? I'm fucking my whole emotional field by talking to these damned wacko's. I still work at G Major - producing, A & R, whatever Darius says Tommy does. Alice, who took Sadie's job as receptionist, became attached to my side. Somewhere between her taking the job and beginning her thing with me, we started sleeping together. She's nice, mostly about getting hers if you know what I mean, doesn't care if I call out _her _name during sex.

I still don't know how I got back into coke...New Brunswick was always a pit for me. Tristan knew, he even threatened to tell Jude. That's why I never wanted her around, but God. I never wanted her to leave...not like that. That night she walked in with Angel, an old friend, sitting beside me...I didn't know what to expect. Where ever she is...I just want to know if she's okay...We didn't even finish her fourth album. Sadie knows something, Kwest too, but they both hate me now - so whatever.

I'm in NYC for two weeks, some A & R thing and a concert with SME that Darius sent me on. Wanted me to see the newest competition. I accepted it just to get the fuck out of Toronto and that pit of memories. Got some industry party tonight, apparently Darius thinks this label will be the 'next best thing', but with a name like theirs I doubt any of their artists would make Top 100.

I grab the navy blue sports jacket from the hook on the back of the door and slide it on, checking my reflection in the mirror hanging beside the window. Though no one will say it, I look old. I can see the small wrinkles, more of my cheekbones, and glazed over expression in my eyes. Sleep hasn't been a friend lately and neither has food. All I can do is think of her and that smile of hers...

Flat out?

I miss her like hell.

A strange feeling washes over me as I walk into the old factory building renovated to be a modernized office building, which housed the record label. Maybe it was the red wine from the limo, red wine never settles right with me.

Once on the floor, I make a beeline for the bar ordering a club soda. As I sit at the bar, I survey the room. I spot the "Darius" of the label quickly making the rounds of the party, with what was presumably his girlfriend, introducing themselves to board members of the other major labels.

He was the typical California kid - sandy blonde hair, farmer's tan - he was probably one of the more 'privilaged' kids of his class. His girlfriend - a short raven haired beauty (well what I could tell from behind) - seemed to be cling wrap. It may be worth it...if only she'd turn...

No...

It can't be...

"Jude..." I whisper so quietly that I'm not even sure I said it, but somehow she does and she looks at me. Her faux green eyes widen at the sight of me and her jaw tightens but it's quickly replaced by a fake smile as she turns her attention back to the conversation with her boytoy and some music mogul. Nice to see that she got over us easily.

God she looks good, more intense with the black hair. I know it's her - counting by her reaction and mine. My heart's fluttering, I feel sick to my stomach but perfectly fine at the same time...she always has that effect on me. Fuck her disguise, people must be seriously blind to not see the former famous rock star. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her escape to the balcony. Turning in the barstool, I get the bartender's attention. "A shot of whiskey, straight up."

After pounding the shot back I unbutton the top two buttons of the sports jacket and loosen my tie. As I make my way to the balcony, the same feeling I had approaching Jude on her sixteenth washes over me. It seemed a bit too deja vu for me, but I still continued on. I stop shortly outside the doorway, looking both ways before spotting Jude in a far off corner smoking a cigarette and muttering to herself. Same ol' Jude.

There's a chill in the air, from the previous rain and I shove my hands in my pocket leaning against the stone rail. "Since when do you smoke?" he asked softly, hoping to break whatever ice was there.


	4. Omniscient POV

Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews. ;) Enjoy. Another may be posted tonight or later tomorrow, depends on how I feel. Review please!

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Chapter Three: Hard to Say I'm Sorry

The rain that had fell earlier gave a chill to the air, causing most guests to huddle inside where the warmth radiated. After Jude had seen Tommy, her heart nearly stopped in her chest and she broke away from Lucas claiming she needed fresh air. Draping her shawl around her shoulders, she escaped to the balcony to smoke a cigarette. A million and two questions raced through her mind as she hunched over on the rail, her fingers dangling the cigarette twenty floors above the busy city traffic. Still as the nicotine flowed through her system, she was still not able to grasp onto a single thought.

How could he be here? And why? Did he track her down? She made her ties untraceable. Was he here to take her back? Then again, he looked just as surprised as she did. Will he apologize? Make amends? She leans forward on her elbows, her head hanging forward. The biggest question was: _Could she forgive him?_ Anxiety was running through her veins - she needed to go home and play Patsy Cline...maybe write a song. She wanted to scream but she shook her foot instead.

Her breath hitched in her throat as she heard someone approaching. She knew it was him - no one could ever deny the prescense of Tom Quincy. Like a knee jerk, her emotions begin to leave her control. "Since when do you smoke?" he asks, breaking the silence.

She decided, at that point, that she can't be pulled into a snake pit, back to that same old spot. So she chooses to act like she doesn't know him. "Excuse me?" she says turning her head slightly to look at him with one eye. "Do...do I know you?"

"Uh, you should..." he says boring into her eyes.

With one look into his eyes, their past played before her on fast forward. She takes a long drag and stands up straight. Blowing the smoke in his face, she laughs fakely. "Oh yeah! Little Tommy Q from Boyz Attack, right?" she asks, her voice stupidly bubbly. She brushes up against him, giggling again. "I was _such_ a big fan!" She turned her head to the side, taking a drag from her cigarette, and exhaled slowly, her eyes turning dark. "But...after a recent ecounter with the Timberlake," She winked. "my obsession has been swayed."

A wicked smile crosses her features as he clenches his jaw. "Jude, don't play like that."

"Jude?" she asked, backing up and cocking her head to the side. "You must have me penned as someone else. See, I'm Samantha and my boyfriend, Lucas Michaels, is in the other room. He and everyone else in there can vouch for that."

"Don't you know I can see through that?" he murmurs, stepping forward and cupping her cheek. "Why'd you leave like that? I still love you..."

With that, her emotions did a 360. "Wrong. Answer." she said, pushing his hand away. "You gave up a long time ago, when you decided to snort those lines and keep everything from me." She flicked the butt off the balcony and turned on her heel, walking away.

He stood there in shock.

It was really her. His heart throbbed erratically with the after effects of seeing her. He stood there staring at the spot she previously inhabited. Before too long it began drizzling, quickly turning into a downpour and it was only then did he go on inside. Grabbing Alice from a conversation with a friendly engineer, he left the party his emotions out of balance.

As they sped through the now empty streets of downtown New York, he knows he'll get trashed tonight with Alice. He knows he'll contemplate death, play the 'what-if' game, and he'll cry too. It'll be like every other night she's been gone...but this time something other than a hope of seeing her or knowing she's okay will keep him alive tonight.

Because with every fiber in his body he knows he'll fight until she's back with him. He'll do anything, he's sure of that.

He needs her...whether she believes it or not.


	5. Lucas' POV

Author's Note: Muchos gracias for all the reviews. This has gotten more attention than I thought it would. About her hair - it's really dyed black with extensions, so no - no wig. And when I had thought of Samantha - it was sort of a mix of TBY Samantha and my own imagination.

Here are two more chapters. Only because this one is short. This first one is told in Lucas' POV - I wanted everyone to see the other side. Nicole (Nicci) will have her own chapters too. Once again, thank you and enjoy. Don't forget to review. ;)

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Chapter Four: What a Feeling

It was past last call when I found Samantha in my office, curled up in one of the plush chairs set in front of my desk. Even in the dim darkness, she shines. As I bend down to pick her up, I notice her holding a picture of us and the tear stains trailing down her cheeks. "Oh Sam..." I whisper reaching forward and caressing her cheek. "What was it or who was it that hurt you? I wish you could tell me." I look at her not expecting an answer.

She thinks I'm blind, but it's quite the contrary. I notice every pained smile, far off look, and half-hearted smile she gives. I don't ask what's wrong - it's as if she has another dimension. And that's part of what makes her attractive to me. Another is the fact she looks a little like Jude Harrison...lucky aren't I?

Nearly everyone in the music business mourns her unexpected retirement and disappearance from the social world completely. I expect she had drama in her life, but I never understood why she'd stop making music. She was such a talented soul.

As I lift Samantha into my arms, she stirs. "Luke...?" she murmurs reaching up towards me.

"I'm right here," I whisper leaning into her touch and kissing her palm. "We're going home, okay?"

She nods letting her head fall back onto my shoulder. "I love you." she says softly, yet clearly. Her eyes flutter shut at those words making me stop in the doorway and look at her. The lights from the party, which were left on for the cleaners, shine on her making her seem angelic. She's sleeping now, I can tell. "I love you too, Sam...more than you know." I tell her, kissing her forehead before walking out.


	6. Jude's POV part deux

Chapter Five: Time after Time

I woke this morning with a pounding headache, not that I had time to register that because no sooner did the light meet my retina's I was rushing to the conjoined master bathroom praying to the porcelain God. No wonder Sadie strived to make sure I drank the champagne lightly at parties. I spent a good half an hour, which felt like an eternity to me, heaving and wishing I'd fall into the toilet and mysteriously it would flush on me. Tommy's voice still echoed in my head despite my retching, like some stupid mantra. '_Why'd you leave? I still love you_...'

I still can't wrap my head around a single reaon on why he'd be in New York. I hang my head in the toilet bowl, spitting a few times as another wave of nausea hit me. "Ughh..." I groaned, making my head pound harder. It makes me wanna groan again.

"Samantha, babe..." I hear Lucas approaching. "You should call out today..."

I spit and flush the toilet, standing up. I scoot my way over to the sink, grabbing my toothbrush and squirting some toothpaste on the bristles. "Beat you to the punch twenty minutes ago..." I tell him before shoving the brush in my mouth and beginning to scrub as he types and sends a text.

"Good...because now I've got the day off and I can take _care_ of you..." he says, smiling sweetly. I hop on the counter beside the sink, leaning over the sink to spit the toothpaste out and give him a sudsy smile.

"Cause you know I need all the TLC I can get..." I murmur raising my eyebrows a few times, causing him to chuckle as I fill the glass beside the faucet with water to rinse my mouth out. As I'm rinsing the bristles off, I feel my stomach flip.

Jesus, I need to be horizontal.

Lucas, who was sitting closed toilet seat, must've noticed because he quickly stood up and lifted me from the marble countertop. He carries me into my bedroom, gently laying me on the bed before leaning down to pick up a plastic bag.

Slowly he lifts a can of coke, a bottle of advil, and the remote to the TV. "Ohh, Lucas!" I squeal, instantly regretting it as soon as it escaped my lips. "You are a God by all means."

"'Tis all for you, girl." he says, reaching forward and brushing a strand of hair from my face. "So this must make you my goddess, then?"

I shrug, shaking my head; no goddess am I. He chuckles and I sit up slightly to open the can. "Of course it does, beautiful." He says kissing my forehead. Standing up, he makes his way to the other side of the bed and lays down beside me. I take a sip of soda before placing the can on the nightstand and snuggling closer to him. He wraps his arm around me and I feel myself starting to doze off as he begins to play with my hair, but before I can fall asleep he lifts my cheek from his shoulder.

"Sam...baby..." I hum in a response. "Do you remember what you said last night when I found you in my office?" He twirled a piece of my hair around his finger. "Did you mean it?"

I remember what I said clearly - see that's my problem. I remember everything when I'm drunk. I've got the memory of an elephant (is it even an elephant?) when drinking. The only question is: did I mean it? I think so...I mean, he's kind, yummy, heartfelt, gorgeous, oh and did I mention yummy? And he gets me...or at least Samantha's side and I'm just using the name.

Like my body's just a vessel for her alias, which means Sam and Jude are the same, right?

Right?

Oh hell, you're not going to answer me.

"Yes, I remember." I say, looking up at him. "And I do mean it. I love you Lucas Aaron Michaels."

I think I just swallowed my heart. Did I really just use the L-word with Lucas?! When I'm still pondering my feelings over Tommy?! Eep, seems I have. He cups my cheek and kisses me passionately. That's enough to make me shut up. Forget it, forget Tommy, forget everything. I pout as he pulls away, despite the burning in my lungs for air. "I love you too, Samantha Meagan Harris." he murmurs, stroking my cheek. "I never expected that meeting you at Sound Gardens would lead me here."

As I lean in to kiss him again, my ringtone 'Little Miss Obsessive' goes off. Of course it's from my never released 4th album. Recorded here in New York. Third song I recorded and mixed all by myself. I turn over and snatch the phone from the nightstand pressing talk without checking the caller ID, "Samantha Harris." is my automatic answer.

On the other end I hear a heavy breathing and my pulse quickens. "Hello...This is Samantha Harris." I pull the phone away from my ear to look at the caller ID.

**ID BLOCKED**

Probably some skeezebag kid who thinks prank calls are funny. Lucas begins kissing my neck, his hands roamful. "Just hang up, babe." he murmurs, skimming his hands underneath my sweater.

I giggle and nod, but as my finger makes a move for the end button _he_ speaks. "Don't - hang up."

I stiffen and sit up straight as his voice filters through the earpiece and into my ear. "You've got nerve." I tell him as I get up from the bed, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and sliding them on. I retreat to the porch, keeping my back to the glass doors. "How'd you get this number?" I grab a cigarette from the small patio table and light one, looking down 38 floors at the bustling traffic below.

"You forget dear Jude." he chuckles darkly. "I have plenty of connections."

He sounds drunk, how typically Tommy. "You tell a soul and I'll kill you." I say threateningly, taking a deep drag. "Only **three** - now four - living souls know where I am...and they don't plan on saying anything until I do and I suggest you do the same."

"Oh, what makes you so sure I wouldn't?"

"You don't want to see what I'll do."

"This coming from the one who'd get down on her knees for me?"

I grind my teeth together, nearly crushing the cigarette between my index and middle finger. "Go to hell, Tom." I say through clenched teeth. "You mean nothing to me."

"I highly doubt that." he slurs, and I sigh heavily.

"What do you want? It's nine o'clock and I could be getting some. So, stop wasting my time."

He clears his throat and I can almost see him staring uncomfortably at the wall, trying to get the words unstuck from his throat. "I want to talk...not yell, not scream, but really talk." he offers.

My nose twitches in thought and I stare at the building in front of me. "Well, I'm out sick today so Lucas and I have the day together." A disgruntled sound is voiced on the other end and I roll my eyes. "I get lunch at noon, so why don't you meet me at the deli on 34th and 3rd tomorrow?"

"Sure," he says warily. Sounds like he doesn't trust me. Cue another eye roll. "but one thing..."

Jesus, I should've seen this coming."And what is that?" I try to say casually, without that I'm-gonna-fucking-hurt-you voice.

"I want to talk to you...the real you without the disguise."

Is he kidding? He has to be. Again, so typically Tommy - he never changes - wanting the impossible. I chuckle, taking another drag before dropping the butt off the edge. "I can only take out the colored contacts...the hair, clothes, make up...they're all staying."

I purse my lips, exhaling the smoke through my nose as he sighs. This time I can picture him sitting on the bed in his boxers, wiping his face with his hand because I'm being difficult. On his end, I hear a female voice and the dream shatters. "I guess that'll do," he replies defetedly.

Does he think I'm stupid? Sadie slipped up last time we talked when we had our one heart-to-heart of the month; she slipped up and said he had a girlfriend...since a little bit after I left.

Oh wait...are you expecting me to cry? Pfsh! Bullshit.

This woman does not cry over men - or boys for that matter - anymore.

"Uh huh...tomorrow then?" I look back into the room where Lucas lays across my bed, making pouty faces at me through the sliding door. God...he's hot.

"Yeah..." he trails off. Is he trying to say something? I surely hope he'd spit it out, I hate that stupid, awkward silence. I giggle as Lucas blows a pouty kiss and I send one back. Would Tommy try and take me from this? Take me from my happiness?

"So...bye?" I ask. Tommy, don't be stupid. Don't be stupid. Don't be stupid.

"Yeah...and Jude?"

I suck in a breath and release a squeaky, "What?"

He takes a deep breath and exhales sharply. "I love you, Jude."

I snort, immediately covering my nose and mouth with my hand. Was that rude?

I'm sorry, but I just don't believe that.

"Good bye, Tommy." I press end and go back to my other life. The life that's not so complicated...the life that I've come to love...the one I don't want to leave.


	7. Omniscient POV part deux

Author's Note: Needless to say, thank you for the reviews. I'm glad everyone is enjoying this. Here's another chapter!

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Chapter Six: Careless Whisper

The next day Jude sat in her cubicle, flipping disinterestedly through a tabloid magazine, waiting for her piece to be emailed back from the editor. On her iRadio, Family Force 5 plays at a resonable volume. She'd prefer her headphones but after her first experience at Vogue, where her heart nearly stopped when they scared her, she'd learned better. Since then she'd listened to the iRadio religiously at work.

Her heart jumped into her throat as she flipped to a tabloid on herself...or her previous self.

'CANADA'S INSTANT STAR LABEL SET TO RELEASE JUDE HARRISON GREATEST HITS REMIX' read the headline with a subtitle of, 'G Major's employees speak out about the star who touched lives disappearance...'

"The fucking crooks..." she whispered to herself, her eyes finding the names of the four coworkers the 'rag' had interviewed. Two of them were interns she'd never even heard of, let alone seen; the last two were Kwest and Sadie, who was interviewed on Darius' behalf. She stared at the picture of her fourth album and her previous coworkers. She skimmed the article which detailed her 'retirement' and 'disappearance', a story which was all fabricated by Darius & herself. Within the four page article, they included pictures of her when she first won Instant Star, one from her eighteenth birthday, and the last one was a self-taken picture of her and Tommy. Tears gathered behind her lids as she stared at the picture of her old self. Blonde hair with a genuine smile on her face - a smile she hadn't seen in a while.

Part of her wished she'd stayed, the part that still wished for world peace and Kurt Cobain to rise from the dead, but the other part - the part that was still bleeding - was sure she made the right choice.

"Samantha..." Nicole Gregory, her coworker affectionately called Nicci, called from one cubicle to the left as she peeked over the side of the gray carpeted divider. When she didn't answer she repeated herself a second time, this time a bit louder. "Sah-mantha..."

When she still didn't answer she sighed heavily and picked up a paper clip from her desk, launching over the divider. A squeal was heard and Jude stood up holding the paper clip between her thumb and index finger, looking exasperated. "May I help you, princess?" she said sarcastically, tossing it at her. Nicole laughed cheekily as it bounced off her well rounded chest and tinkered to the floor.

"Now that I have your attention," she said breezily standing up, pushing her chunky brown locks from her face. "It's almost noon and I was wondering if you wanted to catch lunch? Because I totally got Annabelle to give us the rest of the day off since we got done by deadline, and I thought we could go shopping or something." she said, hopeful she'd say yes. To her, 'Sam' is her best friend. Nicole was one of the first girls to befriend the enigma when she first started.

Jude bit her lip, hating to say no, but she had to meet Tommy...for the sake of herself and getting on with her life. Maybe this would be the closure she wanted and she could move on with Lucas. "Sorry, Nic." she said apologetically. "I've already got plans for lunch, but maybe we can get together after? Shopping sounds like fun." She smiles, hoping she sounded convinceable.

Nicole nods. "Sure, but what's the plans? I'm intrigued...is it a new guy?" she wiggled her eyebrows causing Jude to laugh. Jude shook her head, but Nicole persisted. "Well, is it?"

"Nicole, I'm still with Lucas." she said dimpling at his name while Nicole silently gagged.

"Ohh..." she trailed off, looking away before whipping her head back around. "So you're saying it is a guy??" she said quickly. "What's his name?"

"An old friend," she says distractedly as she flipped off her desk light and shut down her computer.

"He or she?" she asked, grabbing the tabloid Jude had been reading from the top of her computer monitor.

Jude pushed her head over the divider, her lips in a smirk as she replied. "None of your buisness."

Grabbing her jacket and slipping it on over her skirt and button up shirt ensemble, she watches as Nicole flipped through the magazine. She was waiting for her to bust out in hysterics. Nicole was a big of a fan of Jude as Jude was a fan to Kurt Cobain. "So, starbucks at two?" Jude asked, grabbing her iPod from the dock of the iRadio as 'Shout' by Tears for Fears began playing.

Nicole, who'd become engrossed with the tabloid, nodded. "Yeah. If you get there before me, try and grab a window seat? I love checking out the college boys."

They both laugh and Jude walks to her cubicle, hugging her before leaving.

Ten minutes, forty-five floors, and two mail carts later she could be heard, with the mandatory heels, walking across the lobby of the building that housed Vogue.

It was quarter after noon when she wandered into the resturaunt, her black hair whipping around from the wind. She quickly spotted Tommy in the back and sauntered to the table he sat at.

"Hi..." he greeted, looking up at her uneasily.

"Hey," she said, taking a seat across from him and pressing a smile on. She flipped open the menu, keeping her eyes on their choices though she already knew what she was going to order.

"How're things?" he asked, lifting the porcelain cup to his lips and taking a sip.

"Just peachy, you?" she kept her eyes on the menu, afraid her resolve would slip if she looked at him head on.

"Quite the opposite..." he extended his hand across the table, pushing her menu down. "I miss you like hell Jude."

She rose her eyes. "Could you not use that name?" she asked, continuing on without letting him speak. "And I don't believe that for a second."

He looks her in the eyes, gesturing towards them. "Ohh," she said, leaning over and grabbing the contacts case from her purse. He watched as she poked at her eye, the finger retreating with a clear disk on the tip. When she lifted her head, her old blue eyes shone back at him with a fire that had yet to cease burning.

Just as he was to open his mouth to speak, the waiter approached the table. "May I take your orders?" he asked politely, taking out a pad and pen.

Jude pressed a smile, opening her menu and glancing over it as Tommy ordered first. "A club sandwich side of chips, and a coke." He flipped the menu shut and handed it over to the waiter, who looked at Jude to order.

"Uhh," she bit her lip. "A garden salad...house dressing and a glass of red wine."

Tommy was surprised at what she ordered. Never did he know Jude Harrison to order _just_ a salad. As soon as the waiter left the table, they both looked at each other; Jude with a tight look on her face and Tommy with helpless, hopeful look. They kept quiet, but he kept his eyes on her.

Again as Tommy was going to speak, the waiter set down the glass of wine before moving onto the next table. She enclosed her ringless fingers around the glass, leaning her head to the side. "Now, I know you didn't ask me to meet you so you could stare at me..." she said, lifting the glass to her lips and taking a long drink. "You said you wanted to talk - so talk."

He sighed, leaning back into the booth seat. "Why'd you leave like that? Make everyone believe you disappeared."

"Must we go over this?" she said with a I'm-so-over-this tone, looking out the window. "I think we both know why you left." She looked over at him and rubbed her nose for emphasis.

"Because of that one night?" he asked, rolling his eyes. "C'mon Ju-"

"Oh bullshit it was ONE NIGHT," she cut him off, glaring at him with her jaw clenched. "I came to apologize Tommy, and look what I came in on." she shakes her head disbelievingly. "And look at you, you're still lying."

His eyes rose from the tabletop, tears glistening in his baby blue's. "But I stopped..." he whispered, leaning forward.

She claps sarcastically, shaking her head. "Do you think that makes up for it? For lying to me? For cheating with that blonde skank?"

"I never cheated on you Jude, and I'm sorry..."

"You're sorry you were caught..." she said, brushing her hair over her shoulder as she felt the tears building up behind her lids. "Just tell me one thing, were you doing it when I came to New Brunswick?"

She took his silence as a yes and let out a laugh to hide the sob behind it. "I stopped...as soon as you were gone. I went to rehab, got clean..."

"I read all about it in the tabs." she said, her voice dead weight.

He reached across the table for her hand, which she slipped in her lap before he could touch her. "I'm sorry. I miss you...I need you..." he whispered, keeping his hands outstretched as she shook her head ferverently. "I'm lost without you, Jude."

Jude shook her head, her black hair swishing around her head. "You may be lost without me, but you can sure fuck without me...right? I don't believe your _girlfriend_, Alice, would appreciate this. You know? Pledging your love to another girl while she waits at the hotel for you? You and your stupid promises..." she gathered up her bag, dropping the contact case in and standing up.

Tears were beginning to fall and she swallowed thickly. "You know what?" she belted the jacket she never took off. "I thought that this would be closure, maybe I could forgive you and get on with Lucas...but I can't...Just leave me alone...don't search me...forget about me Tommy, because everytime you present yourself in my life I seem to breakdown." she said tucking her hair behind her ear. "I've been _so_ happy this past year or so...truly happy." she shook her head, whispering. "Don't take that away from me."

Tommy just sat stoned faced, listening to her and watching as she left the resturaunt. He felt the tears sliding down his cheeks, but he did nothing to stop it. He kept his eyes on her as she hailed a cab, following the cab until it was out of his line of sight. When he turned the waiter stood with a tray, their orders sitting on it. He shook his head, throwing down a hundred. "Keep the change," he murmured, leaving the resturaunt in a hurry.


	8. Jude's POV part trois

Author's Note: I was not planning on updating today, but the day went better than planned - so here is another chapter. It's short, but do not mistake it for a filler. I don't own a thing except for this story line, Lucas and Nicole. Enjoy! Reviews are more than appreciated.

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Chapter Seven: That's What Friends are for

Somehow I managed to leave the resturaunt and hail a cab before breaking down majorly. It wasn't until I was in the backseat of the curry scented yellow taxi did the heaving sobs and whimpers come. I was greatful the taxi driver had a limited english knowledge, meaning he only knew the names of the important places in New York and how to demand the fee. I feel secure knowing that this won't end up on the front page of some trashy tabloid, that it'll only end up going around his circle of friends - only if I make the top craziest passenger. Many late nights and vodkas taught me that people do not have any shame when it comes to taxis.

"Whea' too, lay-dee?" he asks in his indian accent, looking at me from the rearview mirror.

I lift my head and tell him the cross streets of my apartment building as I'm pulling out my sidekick and texting Nicci, telling her to scratch Starbucks and meet me at my apartment. I feel something resolving inside of me, I can't keep this secret inside me much longer. I trust Nicole, wholly and I know she won't rat me.

As soon as he screeches to a halt, I throw a twenty at him and slam the door shut as I rush into my building. I'm stll crying, of course. I seem to be made of water right now. I grab an empty elevator, sinking to the floor and crying into my knees. I barely see my course as I walk to the loft and unlock the door. I strip before I reach my room, dropping my clothes in a trail to my large closet. I grab a cashmere sweater and a pair of slacks, throwing them on before walking back into my living room. I flop back on the overstuffed couch and gaze out at the New York skyline. I'm not sure how long I sit like this, maybe for hours...maybe for seconds, but I nearly piss myself when Nicci comes busting through the door.

"Samantha!" she calls, walking down the catwalk of an entrance to the living room.

"I'm in here..." I say, not too loudly.

I know she sees my face, flushed from crying and she quickly moves to sit beside me. She kicks off her heels, pulling her legs up under her. "What's wrong, Sam? Why'd you decide to come home? Did something happen with that old friend?" she asks, playing detective. She's skeptical, I can see it, but I don't know how tell her.

How am I supposed to tell her - in a sane way - that I met up with Tommy Quincy of Boyz Attack? The breaker of hearts across the world? And that I'm really a 'missing' rockstar? No one would believe me...Hell, even I wouldn't.

Yet I still look up at her, confused at how I should approach the situation. Decidedly, I jock from a movie I'd seen on Starz! recently. "What happened if you had to tell someone something _so_ important, but so...bizzare? Unbelieveable almost?" I ask slowly, biting the corner of my lip.

Her eyebrows knit together, placing her hand on my shoulder, seeming to have seen the movie. "I'd try..." she says softly. "What's going on?"

I stand up, wrapping my arms around my sides while walking to the wall to wall windows. I keep my eyes on the skyline as I speak. "I can trust you, right Nicci? You wouldn't tell anyone else...would you?"

I turn my head slightly to look over my shoulder and see her nodding. "You're scaring me, Sam." she says, putting both feet on the ground. "Tell me already."

Well, here goes nothing.

I sigh, turning to face her and I see her finally notice my blue eyes. "I'm not who you think I am." I start, pulling at the sweater. "I'm not Samantha Harris...I'm - I'm actually Jude Harrison."

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Preview of the next chapter (in Nicole's POV):

Surely I knew something was wrong when Samantha texted me, telling me to meet her at her apartment instead of Starbucks. I could tell she'd been crying when I walked in, that something was wrong, and not just by her appearance. Her apartment was messy, clothes on the floor, heels strewn about. As long as I'd known her, which was long enough in my book, she wasn't like this. Truthfully, I expected her to break the news of her being pregnant or something.


	9. Nicole POV

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. Happy Fourth everyone. This is short, but there are only three chapters left that I actually have typed up - so I'm gonna slow down with updating, but only until I get the next few chapters typed - which won't take long. Hope you all enjoy this one...spoiler for the next chapter below.

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Chapter Eight: Lean On Me

Surely I knew something was wrong when Samantha texted me, telling me to meet her at her apartment instead of starbucks. I could tell she'd been crying when I walked in, that something was wrong, and not just by her appearance. Her apartment was messy, clothes on the floor, heels strewn about. As long as I'd known her, which was long enough in my book, she wasn't like this. Truthfully, I expected her to break the news of her being pregnant or something - not that she was a missing rockstar.

"Jude Harrison...? You're the...Jude...Harrison?" I stutter, my shoulders slumping as I dig into my memory of Samantha. Let's forget the fact I'm a huge Jude Harrison fan and that I dyed my hair to match hers after she won Instant Star.

She nods and turns to face me. "You don't believe me?" she asks, wiping her eyes which are beginning to tear up. "I didn't think you would. I've tried so hard to become Samantha Harris that I've forgotten my own self, but seeing Tommy today...it's just brought tso much to surface." She lets out a pathetic sob, shaking her head. "It's overwhelming."

I keep my eyes on her as I remember the day she showed up at Vogue, a day after the news broke of Jude's retirement and disappearance; the office had buzzed about her. She was quiet...didn't quite fit in. My eyes traveled from the tips of her manicured toes to the roots of her jet black hair, comparing her to the poster I had of Jude in my closet. When it dawned on me, I stumbled back to the couch and sat down. "Oh shit..." I say overwhelmed, blinking brightly and covering my mouth with my hand. The nose...the eyes...lips...it really is her. "You really are Jude Harrison..."

She nods again and I let out a tiny scream, getting up to embrace her. "I'm glad you took it so well," she laughed, hugging me back.

I pull back and hold her at arms length, my eyes accessing her. "But - but why'd you leave? Why are you here? Pretending to be Samantha?" I wrinkle my nose, shaking my head. I wouldn't give up her life for anything. "What about Tommy? And your music? How could you leave them?" I followed their relationship in the tabloids, they were totally adorable together.

She looked down then back up, a hurtful look in her eyes. "He was the very reason I left...the reason I'm pretending..." she trails off, sighing. I let go of her arms and she walks to the couch, sitting down and pulling her knees to her chest. I turn to face her and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. All this time, the chick I referred to as my best friend was a long-lost rock star. She's more different than I ever imagined.

"What happened?" I asked, not sure if I should expect an answer or not - it really wasn't my place to intrude, but I couldn't understand how could just up and leave her family, friends, and career like that. It seemed too movie-esque.

"Well, it really all started when I won Instant Star," she starts, pressing her lips to her knees before continuing. "The president of G-Major at the time, Georgia Beavens, introduced me to my producer - Tommy Quincy..."

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Preview of Chapter nine: Roll With It (Jude's POV)

Nicci and I are sharing our second tub of ice cream when she finally asks the question I know she'd been wanting to ask since I told her who I really was. I'm not sure what to say, I've only sung about a dozen times since I've settled here - mainly when I had a sudden burst of inspiration. Her eyes, bright green and reflecting my faux eyes, hypnotizes me into it. "What do you want to hear?"

Her eyes brighten exceptionally, and I chuckle at her expression which reminds me of a child at Christmas. "Ooh - skin! No...white lines. That one's my favorite."

**Don't forget to review. **;)


	10. Jude's POV part quatre

Author's Note: Muchos gracias for the reviews. I know I said I wasn't going to update for a while, but couldn't help it. May post another chapter later tonight or tomorrow. Read and review!

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Chapter Nine: Roll with It

Nicci and I are sharing our second tub of ice cream when she finally asks the question I know she'd been wanting to ask since I told her who I really was. "Sing for me? Please?" she asks, shoving a spoonful of Strawberries N' Cream in her mouth.

I'm not sure what to say, I've only sung about a dozen times since I've settled here - mainly when I had a sudden burst of inspiration. Her eyes, bright green and reflecting my faux eyes, hypnotizes me into it - so I can't refuse now. "Sure," I comply. "but it's only because your, like, my best friend." I stand up and wander to my room to get my guitar from under my bed.

When I reemerge, the previous tubs have disappeared and she's sitting cross legged on the moon chair. I sit on the edge of the couch, propping the acoustic on my knee. "What do you want to hear?"

Her eyes brighten exceptionally, and I chuckle at her expression which reminds me of a child at Christmas. "Ooh - skin! No...white lines. That one's my favorite."

I shake my head, exactly the song I didn't want her to pick. I guess the God's are against me. "How about something new? Like...Gone?" This is one of my recent ones, I wrote it just the other day after Tommy had called. Lucas, who fell asleep while we watched 'reality TV' and who can sleep through World War III, was oblivious as I sang in the bathroom.

To my surprise, she nodded. "Anything is fine." she said breezily.

"Okay," I say softly, taking the pick from behind the strings of the fret board and set my fingers. I start strumming, quick and short, like how I'd thought of it when I wrote it. After two counts, I begin singing. "_What you see's not what you get...with you there's just no measurement. No way to tell what's real from what isn't there_..." I keep my eyes on the carpet, not wanting to look at Nicci as I sang. "_Your eyes they sparkled, that's all changed into lies that drop like acid rain...You washed away the best of me - you don't care._"

I pick up the tempo, closing my eyes as I threw myself into the chorus. "_You know you did it! I'm gone...to find someone to live for in this world! There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight! Just a bridge I gotta burn! You are wrong if you think you can walk through my door. That is just so you coming back when I've finally moved on...I'm gone!_"

I open my eyes to see Nicole thoroughly engrossed as I sing. "_Sometimes shattered, never open. Nothing matters when you're broken. That was me whenever I was with...you. Always ending, always over. Back and forth, up and down like a roller coaster. I am breaking that habit today!_" I look out the windows, feeling that I could've handled the situation better today. He does still mean something, whether I admit to myself or not. "_You know you did it! I'm gone...to find someone to live for in this world! There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight! Just a bridge I gotta burn! You are wrong if you think you can walk through my door. That is just so you coming back when I've finally moved on...I'm gone!_"

I close my eyes as I keep singing, seeing Tommy's face behind my eye lids. "_There's nothing you can say, sorry doesn't cut it babe. Take the hit and walk away cause I'm gone. Doesn't matter what you do, it's what you did that's hurting you. All I needed was the truth, now I'm gone..._"

When I finish, she claps enthusiastically. "My god, you really are Jude Harrison...It's so hard to believe." she gushes, wringing her hands.

"You cannot tell anyone!" I blurt. "Especially Lucas...I'll tell him in my own time." I didn't even think of him until just now. How am I supposed to tell him? Would he blow it out of proportion?

I don't expect him to...he's not like that.

"But what happens after that? Are you going to go back to being Jude? I know Tommy hurt you, but you have friends...and a family in Toronto. You can't run forever..."

She has a glassy look in her eyes - she's sad. "No, I have Sadie...my sister. And exes and friends, all in the same. Not to mention a ton of bad memories. Being Samantha has given me freedom, a new feel for life...I'm obscenely happy in New York, with you..." I reach out and touch her arm, giggling. "and Lucas and Vogue. I'm not sure if I want to go back...ever..." I trail off, that realizatioin hitting me. I've been so happy here, no stupid drama going on. I haven't doubted myself being here, and Lucas has given me enough love for two lifetimes. Why bother going back to a place that brings me so much pain?

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**Preview **for Chapter Ten: Every Rose Has It's Thorn

Jude pressed talk and put the phone to her ear. "Hello?" she asked, staring at Nicole who stood by the radio with her finger hovering above the play button.

She knew Tommy wasn't afraid of telling Lucas her secret and that's what scared her. Would he be mad for lying? Or would he try to get her to record again? "Hey Sam," he says casually yet distractedly and she sighs after hearing no trace of indifference. "What're up to? You busy, baby?"

"Nothing," she replied, leaning against the post.

"Well, a producer of mine gave me these tickets for this Canadian band - something explosion. I heard they're good and I know you have a soft spot for rock music..." He said all this very quickly and on his end she could hear a horn honking and a few obscenities.


	11. Omniscient POV part trois

Author's Note: I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story. I guess it's better than I anticipated? Anyway, another chapter. Give me six plus reviews and I'll post another chapter later tonight. And that one's the 'douzie' (in Patsy-speak, anyway). ;)

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Chapter Ten: Every Rose has It's Thorn

Hours later, after they'd finished off the chinese take out and the bottle of complimentary wine, both Nicole and Jude danced around the loft to Cyndi Lauper. It took Lucas three tries before they actually heard Feist's '1234' mixing with 'Girls just wanna have fun!'. They stopped their giggling and turned down the music as Jude pressed talk and put the phone to her ear. "Hello?" she asked, staring at Nicole who stood by the radio with her finger hovering above the play button.

She knew Tommy wasn't afraid of telling Lucas her secret and that's what scared her. Would he be mad for lying? Or would he try to get her to record again? "Hey Sam," he says casually yet distractedly and she sighs after hearing no trace of indifference. "What're up to? You busy, baby?" She looks at Nicole and shrugs her shoulder, having a silent conversation with their eyes. Nicole shrugs back and waves her hand through the air.

"Nothing," she replied, leaning against the post. "just hanging with Nicci."

Across the room Nicole ran her hand across her throat, rolling her eyes and Jude. "Why?" she asked, trying to hold in her laughter.

She swore she could feel him smile over the line. "Well, a producer of mine gave me these tickets for this Canadian band - something explosion. I heard they're good and I know you have a soft spot for rock music..." He said all this very quickly and on his end she cojuld hear a horn honking and a few obscenities. She didn't hear the name of the band, but she knew a night out with Lucas was just what she needed. He would keep the Jude/Tommy problem at bay. Sometimes she thought being Samantha was nessescary. "So what do you say, love?"

"Sure," she nods though he cannot see her. "I'd love to."

"Cool," he replies as another horn is heard honking. "I'll be there in 30."

As soon as she hangs up the phone, tehy both squeal. "You know what time it is..." Nicole said, taking her hand and dragging her to her bedroom.

Twenty minutes later, Jude stood in front of her mirror inspecting the outfit Nicole picked out. A sweet red sweater hung off her shoulders, showing off her black bra straps, with a tight pair of jeans and a pair of red satin Jimmy Choo's to match. Nicole kept her black hair simple, letting the pin straight locks cascade down her back. As Jude fretted with the hem of the sweater, her doorbell rung.

Without jumping out of her skin, though that's what she felt like doing, she went to answer the door. When she pulled it open, she was surprised to see Lucas standing with a bouquet of lillies. "Awe, thanks Luke." she said, bringing the flowers to her nose and inhaling. "Their beautiful."

"You're welcome, Sam." he said, leaning in and kissing her cheek.

Before she could turn to put them in water, Nicole snatched them from her hands. "Get outta here," she stressed, looking at Jude. "I'll be gone within the hour. Okay?"

Jude nodded and laughed, walking out the door. "Do not touch my shoes, Nicole!" she shouted as Lucas shut the door behind them. She knew Nicole loved heels and Samantha had two wall to wall shelves of the most expensive and stylish heels since she came to NYC. It'd happened once, when Nicole took a pair of her fucshia Manolo Blahnik's. They got scuffed and Jude nearly had a heart attack. After that she swore, in the nicest possible way, she'd break Nicole's fingers if any of her shoes were missing.

--

Jude's heart did a little pitter patter as they pulled up in front of the club where the band was to be playing and when she looked up to see who was on the bill, she finally understood why her heart was acting the way it was...

He'd unknowingly taken her to a Spiederman Mind Explosion concert.

And she'd stupidly agreed.

Suddenly, she knew being Samantha didn't matter.

Because there was a fifty-fifty, or maybe a seventy-thirty, chance of her getting recognized.

_It's too late to back out now_, she thought, _the least I can do is wait a few songs before asking - no begging Lucas to leave._

* * *

Preview of Chapter Eleven: Straight Up (Tom's POV)

She shakes her head, her black hair flying around her head in short wisps before pushing past me. There's no way I'm letting her go. I turn to see her weaving through the crowd and I quickly follow her to the ladies bathroom. Oddly it's empty, so I turn to lock the door behind me. "God, why are you doing this to me?" She shouts as I move closer, gesturing with her hands before lowering her voice to a whisper. I push her back up against the wall, my leg parting hers. "What do you think you're doing here?" I ask, leaning into her ear breathing huskily on her neck. I feel her knees weaken and her eyes slide slowly shut. "You think you can run from your life? Try on Sadie's shoes for a while? Let me tell you something, there is no way I'm letting you...hide...from your life."


	12. Tom's POV part deux

Author's Note: You earned it! Enjoy. ;) Check later tomorrow for the preview of chapter twelve!

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Chapter Eleven: Straight Up

I knew the producer I gave the tickets to would make up some believable lie and give the tickets to Lucas. And in turn he'd ask "Samantha" to go with him. She can't run from her life, or hide, and I won't let her. I know I've made mistakes, but this year and a half...I've more than paid for them. Withdrawal was hell and missing her has been killing me. I haven't touched Alice since we got to New York and she's more than heard an earful about Jude and I's relationship.

As I straighten the collar of my button up Alice comes from the bathroom, her eyes inspecting my outfit. "Where are you going?" she asks, her english accent short and snotty. She's been drinking, the only time she's bitchy is when she's been tipping back. Usually I'd join her so her shit wouldn't be as annoying, but I need my mind straight if I'm going to win Jude back.

"Spiederman's concert - I told you this an hour ago."

She scrunches up her face, her eyebrows disappearing beneath her choppy blonde bangs. "Oh well...I forgot." she replies, rolling her eyes.

And just as she opens her mouth to ask me something, which I'm sure she's about to do, I cut her off. "And no, you may not go." I tell her as I slide on the matching sports jacket. "Last night was embarassing enough, Drunkelina."

I speak to her disineterestedly with my eyes staring at my outfit like it's the most interesting thing in the room. I hear her huff, waiting for me to give in and tell her to get ready, but I'm not breaking tonight. I give one last finger comb through my hair before leaving the hotel room silently.

30 minutes I'm outside the venue, so affectionately named 'Dreams'. It's some neo-modern place, owned by some hoity toity Hollywood leech who just so happens to be a big fan of SME. Probably hoping to bring the Cali-dreams this way. Fans are just beginning to line up. A sea of SME shirts and multi-colored hair trailed and snaked around the corner. They were bigger than I anticipated. I flash my card to the bouncer and he opens the door for me.

When I walk inside, blue and black lights are flashing off white walls and beneath me are Plexiglas floors. I slip off my sunglasses, but see no sign of the happy couple. After shaking hands with a few industry guys and fans, I make my way to the bar and order a bottle of water. From my seat, I have a clear view of the entrance and will be able to scope out the two upon arrival.

Twenty minutes later I am gratified by Jude and _him_ walking through the door, his arm around her waist as he nuzzles her hair while she giggles. I remember when that was me. When it was **my** every word she hung onto. Before they can spot me, I head backstage to SME's closet dressing room. For such a good club, you think they'd have swankier rooms for their performers.

When I push open the door I'm not surprised at the scene. Vin was penning a new song, since recent news of his divorce caught Toronto headlines he'd been on an artist overdrive, Kyle was reading a book for his senior philosophy class, and Wally was on the phone talking to his newborn daughter's mother. "We got five 'til stage time, guys." I tell them, leaning on the doorframe.

Quietly, they finish up what they were doing and start getting themselves together. "I want you all to start with a Jude cover - I don't care which one." I tell them quickly as we head to the stage. We stop short of the black curtain and I can hear the buzz of the crowd already. "Also, Darius says you guys have been doing great in the studio and was thinking of booking a North American tour. What do you think?"

Their faces light up and simultaneously nod their heads in agreement. Just then one of the stage crew tells them their up and they disappear behind the black curtain. I sneak a look out at the crowd and see "Samantha" looking a bit ghastly as SME takes stage. Her eyes break away from the band to take a shot with Lucas. They, together as a couple, make me sick.

SME starts off with "24 Hours" which happens to be one of Jude's favorite songs. I nod in agreement with the song. Somehow through all this Jude "disappearing" mess, they've kept talking to me. Wish I could say that for the rest, but whatever. I watch as Jude makes her way to the middle of the crowd, hiding behind a tall guy, so as to not bring attention to herself. I watch as she watches Spiederman on stage, a sense of longing in her eyes. I recognize it immediately because it was the same thing I went through after dropping out of Boyz Attack. I look in the back to see Lucas shouting into his phone.

Time to move.

I push my way through the crowd, stopping slightly behind her. "Nice song, huh?" I shout leaning into her ear. She visibly stiffens and keeps her eyes on the band.

"I should've known." she says off handedly, rolling her eyes slightly. "So...did you orchestrate this?"

I shrug as I get shoved up beside her. "Could have." I tell her, raising my eyebrows.

She turns fully towards me, the fire in her eyes could be seen through the contacts. "What do you want from me?" she asks, folding her arms across her chest.

"I want you to come back to Toronto." I stress, looking into her eyes. "Forget New York, forget 'Samantha Harris'...you cannot run and hide from who you really are."

"It's worked for the past year and a half, so why stop now?" She says, very angrily I might add. "What? Are you going to say you miss me? That you love me? Because that's so blatently clear right now! And who's says I'm not happy here, huh? But you know...you're just so typically Tommy - wanting things that you can't have or just won't happen!"

She shakes her head, her black hair flying around her head in short wisps before pushing past me. There's no way I'm letting her go. I turn to see her weaving through the crowd and I quickly follow her to the ladies bathroom. Oddly it's empty, so I turn to lock the door behind me. She's hunched over, her hands gripping the ends of the granite counter and sobs coming from her lips. I'm not sure if she knows I'm there, but I should make it known.

Before I could she turned to face me, her eyes looking painfully exhausted. "_God, _why are you doing this to me?" She shouts as I move closer, gesturing with her hands before lowering her voice to a whisper. "Every thing was going _so _well..."

"Jude, you are the one thing in my life that made sense," I whisper, taking her cheeks in my hands, stroking her tears away with my thumbs. "I know I've made mistakes, huge ones, but this past year has been payback enough. I'm beyond sorry...I need you."

"Like HELL you need me," she cries. "You've survived since I've been gone. I don't want to be hurt again. I cannot stand the pain." And does she know I cannot stand the pain of her not being there? Then adding the fact she's with someone else? It's killer. "Why are you here anyway? Did you bully Sadie into telling you? Or did you use your fists on Dar-"

I cut her off by pushing her up against the wall and covering her lips with my own. Her arms fall limp to her side and she's unresponsive at first, but as I bite her lip her instincts take over. Her hands are tangled in my hair, pulling me closer to her, but in that same moment she pushes me away. Her chest heaves and her lipstick is smeared. "You..." she takes a deep breath. "You cannot do that...not anymore. They're not your lips to kiss anymore."

I push her back up against the wall, my leg parting hers. "What do you think you're doing here?" I ask, leaning into her ear breathing huskily on her neck. I feel her knees weaken and her eyes slide slowly shut. "You think you can run from your life? Try on Sadie's shoes for a while?" - I kiss her red lips and stroke her cheek. - "Let me tell you something, Jude Elizabeth Harrison, you were cut out for music...to perform it, not experience it and there is no way I'm letting you...hide...from your life. Because, to tell you the truth..." I back away from her, putting my hands in my pocket. "Sadie's shoes...they never, ever will fit. When you change your mind, and want to be yourself again instead of this...fraud, call me."

I walk a few steps backwards away from her, watching as she brokenly slid to the floor. I wanted so badly to comfort her, but I didn't. I turned on my heel, gritting my teeth, and left the ladies room in a breeze only to dart right into the mens room. I splash water on my face and hit my head against the tile a few times before straighting my collar and leaving. I weaved through the crowd, seeing no sign of her, but her boytoy was wandering like a lost puppy dog as he spoke into his phone. Probably wondering where she is.

Later, after SME was done their set, I see Lucas carrying a sleeping "Samantha" in his arms. I can still seeher whisper in his ear, kissing his neck, and my heart breaks a bit, but something in my gut tells me I'll be hearing from her _real _soon.


	13. Jude's POV part cinq

Author's Note: Screw a preview, here's the chapter. Ha ha. Don't expect a post until Thursday or Friday. This is the last of the typed chapters - so yeah. **Thank you for all the feedback**. I'm glad that people are taking a liking to Lucas and sort of not wanting Tommy to win just yet. The ending of this chapter might throw you for a curve, so enjoy, eh?

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Un-Break My Heart

As the door to the bathroom shut, I sink to the floor and begin sobbing. I cover my mouth with my hands and pulls my knees to my chest. Why must he do this? Why must he always break me so easily? I feel my phone vibrate from my pocket, but I make no move to answer it. I'll probably scream if I take my hands from my mouth. Outside, I can hear my ex-bandmates kick up their new single 'Don't You Evah'.

I should've expected something when Lucas phoned, a band called 'something-explosion'. How many fucking bands have the word explosion in their name? One and it's Spiederman Mind Explosion.

After my crying dies down to a quiet sob, I pick myself up off the floor and look around the bathroom. Sure is a nice one, better than most I've seen in NYC clubs. I grab a plush towel from the counter and wipe my face roughly. My concealer has smeared, thanks to the tears, and my lips are blistering red from the smeared lipstick. If there's one I'm certain about right now, it's that I hate Tommy Quincy. Again my phone vibrates and without looking at the caller ID, I answer. You think I'd have learned my lesson by now. Pressing talk, I hold the phone to my ear. "Hello?" I sniffle, automaically hearing the echo of SME's song. "Lucas?"

It takes a moment, but I hear his warm voice."Sam, babe?" He yells, sounding worried. "Where are you? Are you okay?"

I look in the silver framed mirror, my once pin straight hair was now growing curly. The tracks of my tears are still visible and it makes me think of that oldies song. "No...I don't think so...take me home?" I hear a sigh and the music stop. Quickly, in SME fashion, they throw themselves into another song. I recognize it as "My Darkest Hour" - Spied must be going through an emo phase.

_You'd know if you were home, where you should be, and not here. _

"Sure, what's wrong though?" He asks in a concerned voice and I frown at myself. How am I to explain this?

"I'll tell you later...I'm leaving from the ladies room." A few stray tears make their way down my cheeks as he says he'll come get me. I nod though he cannot see me and press end. My eyes scan my outfit, from my loose fitting red sweater, slim fitting pants, and heels to the smoky eyes and rosy lips.

_**Sadie's shoes will never fit, **__you know he's right._

A few minutes later he pushes the door open and I rush into his arms. He hugs me tightly and I grip tightly to the folds of his jacket. He strokes my hair, hushing me and it's then I realize I'm crying again. I try to stop from sobbing, but it's a fruitless attempt. He sweeps my off my feet, picking my up bridal style and carries me out of the bathroom. I hold onto his neck, watching the floor as we retreat through the bar. I glance up at the stage then close my eyes and turn my head into his neck. When I open my eyes again, I see Tommy standing out from the rest of the crowd - watching as we left. I stroke the back of Lucas' neck, tangling my fingers in his hair and trailing kisses behind his ear. "I love you," I whisper and close my eyes, but I can still see his face.

_You don't love Lucas - why lie to the boy?_

Rain is falling when we leave the venue and we are immediately pushed towards his car. Once inside I hear him tell his driver the address of his apartment as I curl up in his lap. He strokes my back and settles back in his seat. Somewhere along the way I fall asleep...or maybe I'm still awake because I can hear everything, but my body is paralyzed.

"_It was horrible, I've never seen her like that..._" It's Lucas...is he - is he crying? "_She was screaming about all the mistakes she's made, how she's lied to me and made Nicole lie for her. She slit her wrists and jumped before I could reach for her. I never thought she'd kill herself..._"

I hear him let out a sob, but it can't be true. I was just in the car with Lucas. He was touching me...suddenly things become lighter and I'm staring at a hospital ceiling. Lucas is holding onto Nicole, both visibly crying as he talks to the police. Annabelle, Jerry, the guy from Vogue's art department, and my landlord stand in the room as well.

Is this some cruel joke?

I rise from the bed, blood staining the white t-shirt I had wore that night and I stand in front of Annabelle. "Belle, tell them...I'm not dead." But she just stands there staring at the bed as tears roll from her eyes.

I move onto Nicole, snapping in front of her face. "Nicci! C'mon! I know you see me." I stress, waving my hands in front of her face. "Tell them I'm not dead!" I grab onto her shoulders, shaking her, but she does not move. She just keeps staring at my body. When the officer asks of my full identity, he looks to Nicole.

"_You seem to know her better than I do._"

She walks through me, to my body and I follow laying down beside myself. I brush my ghostly hand over my pale face. Gently, I touch the ends of my black hair. **Have I really died? **"_She asked me not to tell, saying that she wanted to tell you herself...but she's not here to do that now. So I guess I'm left to the task._" Nicole touches my hand through my ghostly form. "_She's not Samantha Meagan Harris as she led you all to believe. That night she admitted to me...that -_" She turns to face me, tears streaming down her face again.

"Samantha?"

She hunches over my body, sobs escaping her mouth as someone whispered my fake name.

"Samantha...wake up." It's not that easy, Nicci. Don't you see I'm dead?

Everything starts getting fuzzy and suddely I'm staring into Lucas' eyes. I find myself wishing they were Tommy's eyes I were staring into, but I quickly banish that thought. "Sam? We're at my apartment." He says softly, stroking my face.

I lift my head from his chest and slide out of the open door. I shiver as the cold air met my cheeks, thankful that the awning of his apartment sheltered me from the ice cold rain. We hustle inside of the building and into an empty elevator where he rubs my thinly covered arms. When he stops, he takes my chin in his hand and makes me look him in the eyes. "Will you tell me what's wrong? Samantha," I look away as I back up from his too-warm touch. I don't think I want to tell him - not now. "You rarely hide things from me."

I have to lie, that's the only thing I can do.

"I'm...**late**. And work has been kind of stressful, and when I went to the bar I ran into an old friend. I didn't mean to make you worry." I oddly sound sincere. He smiles and pecks my forehead as the doors open to his top floor penthouse.

"It's okay." He says, placing his hand on my lower back and leading me into the lofty living room. "I just thought it was something I did. And if work is stressful, why don't we take a vacation together?" He proposes as I kick of my heels.

I trip over my feet, but nod my head quickly. A vacation would be perfect. It would get me away from NY and Tommy possibilities. I could finally kick back and relax. He swoops me into a hug and laughs. "Great!" He says, swinging me around. "My parents are having their twentieth anniversary party next weekend. We can visit them. You'll just love the vineyard."

"Sounds like fun." I tell him - a bit floored that he suggested his parents place. Is it too soon for that? We've only been together about nine months...is that the allotted time to meet the folks? This is my first 'normal' relationship...cause you know Tommy and I were far from normal.

"Yeah," he agrees and I can see him already envisioning our time there together.

"So I guess I'll tell Annabelle tomorrow." I say looking up at him.

"And I'll call my 'rents."

* * *

Preview of Chapter Thirteen: Killing Me Softly (Lucas' POV)

I love watching her sleep. She's gorgeous, like an angel, and it's adorable when she mumbles in her sleep. The sun has just rose and as I stare at her - I get the feeling I don't _know_ her. Something happened at the concert, she won't tell me, but I know. Her eyes flutter open as I stroke her cheek. "Good Morning, beautiful." I tell her, smiling.

"Good Morning..." She replies, turning on her back and stretching lazily.

There's a question that's building in my throat, but I don't know if I should ask. Dreams are my place to evade...

"Who's Tommy, Sam?"


	14. Lucas' POV part deux

Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews. So, this is going to be a double update. Check back within the next hour or so for chapter fourteen. I would still appreciate it if you review this chapter. ;) Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Killing me softly

I love watching her sleep. She's gorgeous, like an angel, and it's adorable when she mumbles in her sleep. The sun has just rose and as I stare at her - I feel as if I don't know her. Sure I know she's Samantha Meagan Harris, born December 1, 1988 in Bangor, Maine. She hasn't seen her sister in years and her parents don't communicate with her at all, but still - it feels like she's hiding something from me. Something happened at that concert last night - she won't tell me, but I know.

Her eyes flutter open as I stroke her cheek. Bright green eyes stare up at me, lazily blinking. "Good morning, beautiful." I tell her, smiling.

"Good morning." She whispers, turning on her back and returning her gaze to me. "How long have you been awake?"

How long _have_ I been awake? "I, uh, I'm not sure...I've been watching you."

She smiles and dodges me as I lean down to kiss her, making my lips connect with her neck. "Morning breath," she explains, sliding out from underneath the covers. I flop down on her pillow, turning to may horizontally across the bed and watch as she walked to the adjoining bathroom. There's a question building in my throat, but I don't know if I should ask. Dreams aren't my place to evade...

"Who's...who's Tommy, Sam?" I ask, folding the pillow underneath my head.

I hear her flush the toilet and begin brushing her teeth before answering me. She stands in the doorway, clad in my old high school t-shirt with her toothbrush hanging from her mouth. "An ol' friend from back home." She tells me as I try to read her reaction, but it's impossible. It's as if she's showing no emotion. She rushes back into the bathroom, spitting and using the mouthwash before walking back to bed. I place my hands on her hips as she stands in front of me. "He helped me with a bunch of family problems. Why?" She looks skpetical now as she walks back to the bathroom, starting the shower.

"No reason, you were just mumbling his name as you slept." I tell her, getting out of bed. This time she reemerges from the bathroom without my shirt on, clad in her lingerie. I raise my eyebrows as she walks towards the dresser that holds some of her clothing.

I walk up behind her, gliding my hands down her sides. "So...what do you think of this...development?"

She looks over her shoulder, and I know she notices the glint in my eye. She shakes her head slowly as I back her up into the dresser and she presses her finger to my lips.

"No...Lucas, I have to be at Vogue in an hour!" She cries as I swoop her into my arms.

"Well, that gives us...oh, say 45 minutes, but only if we start now." I tell her as she giggles, jogging into the bathroom and kicking the door shut.


	15. Ominiscent POV part quatre

Chapter Fourteen: Say It Ain't So

Jude and Nicole were shopping at Barney's for dresses to wear at "Samantha's" birthday party at Club 22. The rummaged through the racks while Nicole asked random questions about the Jude/Samantha switch. Personally, it baffled her. She still couldn't believe she never noticed it was Jude Harrison.

Jude, personally, felt relieved that Nicole knew. She didn't have to pretend as hard anymore, but it made it even harder telling her about 'vacationing' with Lucas. The whole day she'd been trying to devise a way to tell her, but there never seemed to be a right way. It wasn't until they were stood side-by-side in dressing room stalls, trying on possiblities, did Jude break it to her. Nicole, who'd been shimmying the dress up her hips, nearly doubled over in hysterics. "You're what?!" she screeched through the wall, facing Jude's stall as she spoke. "Are you crazy?! You're going to give him the _wrong_ idea! And no offense or anything..."

They both stepped out of the stall at the same time with Jude wearing a strapless shin-length dress with an empire waist and Nicole wearing a simple black bubble dress, black sequins embellishing the scoop neck. "But he isn't the one for you." She shook her head as her eyebrows rose into a worried gaze. Jude didn't need to ask, with sarcasm that she didn't have, who Nicole thought was the one for her. She already knew, but even hearing his name made her feel drained. Ever since their 'bathroom run in" she'd been depressed, but she tried her best to hide it. Looking at their dresses, they nodded their heads and went back into the stalls and changed back into their clothes.

Jude was buttoning up the shirt of her suit when she finally decided to speak again. "I know he isn't." She said staring at her reflection in the mirror as she sighed heavily. "But he's close to it and I can't stand to be in the same city with To - him - any longer!"

"Have you decided if you're going to tell Lucas anytime soon?" Nicole asked as they were shown to an outside table at a small resturaunt for lunch.

Jude lay her garment bag on the chair beside her and grabbed the menu. "I - I don't know." She muttered, flipping it open and staring at it as if it was the most interesting thing on the planet. Nicole shook her head, glancing down at her own menu.

"So, when are you off to...?"

"Napa...Napa Valley." Jude filled in. "And we're going a day after my birthday."

Nicole looked up, panicking. "2 days?!" she cried, leaning her chest into the menu as she referred to Jude's real birthday.

"Chill, Nic." Jude chuckled, reaching out to touch her arm. "I meant after my fake birtday, which means 3 days."

"Oh," she breathed a sigh of relief. "thank God."

Jude leaned back into her seat just as the waiter approached their table. She watched in delight as Nicole flirted shamelessly with the young latin boy. Minutes later, Nicole was jotting down her number as he jotted down their orders. As he walked away, Nicole giggled like a young girl and blushed deeply. "Jesus, he's cute." She gushed.

"Is he even legal?" Jude asked, not referring to his ethnicity, but his age. Nicole was known to go for high school boys.

"Were you even listening?" she asked, shaking her head. "He's a 2 year old junior at NYU. Film major."

"Oh." Jude said, nodding her head.

"_Getcha head in the game_!" Nicole told her, throwing a breadstick at her.

...

Jude pushed open her door with a handful of bags. When she closed the door and turned around, she seen a trail of blood red rose petals on her hardwood floors. From her living room she heard Nat King Cole playing and the whole loft was intimately lit with dozens of candles.

Dropping her bags at the door, Jude loosened the noose of a scarf around her neck as she wandered down the short corridor to her living room. When she did, dhe stopped dead in her tracks.

Her living room had been turned into a haven of pillows, food, and candles. His face lit up at the sight of her and he rose from his seat on one of the many pillows, approaching her. "It's nice to see you, sweetie." He took her cheeks in his hands and kissed her lips sweetly.

She covered his hands with her own, smiling at him. With her heels on they were about the same height. "You just seen me, what, last night and talked to me a few hours ago?" She laughed easily under his gaze.

Lucas brought his face closer to his and whispered against her lips. "But you don't know what those hours away from you are like..." he told her, kissing her lips again and moving to her throat. "It - it's torturous, depressing, even cut throat." He listed the adjectives as he moved dwon her body with kisses.

"Ohh." she said, her eyes fluttering shut. "I'm so sorry it's so hard." She grabbed his head, redirecting his lips to her own. Her leg wrapped around his as her arms latched around his neck.

"What - " He tangled his fingers in her raven locks as he pushed her up against the post. "What about dinner? I cooked..."

Her hands traveled down south, jerking the belt of his khaki's. "We'll get to that later...you put on the moves, Michaels." With a swift hand, she yanked it from it's loops. "So, shut up and enjoy the ride."

* * *

**Preview** for Chapter Fifteen: Always Something (There to Remind me) - (Jude's POV)

I look around the booth of Club 22 at my New York friends all here to celebrate Samantha's 21st Birthday. I try to think of what I'd be doing if I were in Toronto. I'd be with SME, Sadie...After we toast one last time to Sam's birthday, where I finish off my martini, Nicole drags me to the dance floor. Be time the chorus plays, my hands are above my head and my hips are shaking. I let myself go and notice as an unknown someone grabs onto my hips, moving his pelvis with mine.


	16. Jude's POV part six

Author's Note: Okay, double update just because Warped Tour is tomorrow and I won't really be able to post anything for a few days. Besides, reviews have been nice. The next chapter is Samucas (my adorable couple name for them) arriving in LAX. He he - she meets the family! And POV's may change up more than usual. :)

This isn't one of my favorite chapters, but eh, it's needed. I appreciate all the reviews and stuff. I do all this for yous readers. It's late - I should be in bed - but keep your eyes peeled...chapter sixteen soon.

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Always Something There (To Remind Me)

I look around the booth of Club 22 at my New York friends all here to celebrate Samantha's 21st birthday. I kind of reminisce about my Toronto friends and what I'd be doing. I know I'd be with SME, Sadie, Kwest, maybe even Karma...a large white bag is set in front of me and I refocus my thoughts on the-now. "Happy birthday, Sammeh." Adam, my hot but flagrantly gay neighbor, tells me in his native Australian accent.

I throw him a smile and pull the bag into my lap. With cautious hands I dig through the tissue paper and pull out a DVD and soundtrack pack of 'The Phantom of The Opera'. As I stare at the present, I remember when I first met Adam. We'd watched the movie together and oddly, we both knew all the lyrics to the songs. "Oh, Adam!" I cry happily, hugging the pack tied together with red ribbon to my chest. "Thank you...thank you so much!"

"No problem, Sam. You know you're too good of a friend of mine to not get what she wants." He tells me, smiling at my reaction to the gift. "Well, from me anyway."

More presents come my way after, all of them gush worthy. Annabelle gives me a Betsey Johnson dress that she seen my eyeing at one of our photo shoots, Nicole gives me an identical pair of Jimmy Choo's that match her own (along with a beautiful bracelet she gave me yesterday), Edward, one of Vogue's photographers, gives me an expensive purse, and Lucas...he gives a discography of Stars. Polar opposite of what I'd probably get at home. Except for what Lucas gave...I swear he knows me so well.

After we toast one last time to Sam's birthday, where I finish off my martini, Nicci drags me to the dance floor. As we get to a comfortable spot to dance, the DJ starts up a remix of my song 'My Sweet Time'. We face each other, moving our bodies to the beat. To my surprise, it's good and be time the chorus plays, I'm lost in the song and my arms above my head as my body sways to the music.

Memories of my first tour flash behind my closed eyes and I try hard to keep my tears at bay as I remember how good it felt to come home and see him. I let myself go, drowning out the thoughts with my recorded voice, and notice as an unknown someone grabs onto my hips, moving his pelvis with mine. Sensually I rotate my hips, sliding my hands down my body to his hands. I don't turn to see his face, not that it matters. People dance with other people randomly all the time, but the heat of his body feels so familiar. His touch, and the feeling of his breath on my exposed neck, feels all to recognizable.

Before too long, and too soon to my taste, the song ends and my mystery dancer disappears. Two more songs play before we decide to head to the bathroom. She pees while I splash water on my face, trying to get a grip on things. Maybe I've had one too many martinis. "You know this is big, Harrison." She says, the ladies room oddly deserted. "If you lead Lucas on too far before telling him...the bite will sting more than it really should."

I sigh, holding my wet palms to my face. "I know," I murmur through cupped palms. "I'll tell him soon."

I don't understand why she's so pressed on him knowing, but it is only right that he knows. I'd be hurt too if someone lied to me like this. The stall door swings open and she has her dress up around her stomach as she adjusts her thong. When she's done, she walks towards the sinks fixing the hem of her dress. "So, you scared to meet the 'rents?" She says, washing her hands.

"Shit less." I reply, turning to the mirror and messing with the loose ends of hair hanging from the bun atop my head.

We both look at each other before laughing simultaneously. She grabs a towel and dries her hands as she turns to face me. "I'm gonna miss you." Nicci puckers her bottom lip and I mock her look.

"It'll only be two weeks." I tell her, throwing my arms around her and hugging her tightly. "And when we come back we'll totally have a girls night."

She pulls back, a smile on her face. "Think you can survive two weeks with the Michaels?"

I step back and pull up the top of my dress a bit. "Pfsh! After the shit I've been through - should be a cake walk." She laughs as I tell her this, but I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince: her or myself.


	17. Omniscent POV part cinq

Chapter Sixteen: California Dreamin'/The beginning of the end

"God, that flight was **entirely** too long." Jude complained as she and Lucas walked through the tunnel that led to the LAX terminal. He chuckled, hoisting his laptop bag onto his shoulder.

"I take it that means no more long flights?" He asked as she hugged her pillow from home to her chest.

She huffs quietly, shaking her head. "At least not across the damn country."

Lucas looped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her into his chest and kissing her forehead as he laughed musically. "You're adorable." he murmurs, sliding his arm down and lacing his fingers through hers.

As soon as they emerged into LAX, The Michaels could be easily spotted. Mr. and Mrs. Michaels stood holding a banner proclaiming 'Welcome Home, Luke and Samantha!'. While his younger sister stood off to the side, looking bored as she texted on her sidekick. Lucas gave a wide smile as he approached his parents, releasing her hand and hugging his mother before shaking his father's hand. He stepped to the side of his mother, his arm still around her shoulders and tousled the strawberry blonde locks of his younger sister.

"Samantha," He started and quickly a smile appeared on her face. "I'd like you to meet my mother, Lauryn Michaels."

Lauryn Michaels looked younger than forty-four with her long, wavy blonde hair. Her crystal blue eyes, that matched Lucas', reflected love and warmth. Jude extended her hand, but Lauryn swooped her into a warm hug. A genuine smile spread across Jude's face as they embraced feeling, for the first time since before her parents were divorced, the love of a parent. It stayed present on her face as Lauryn released her, glancing at Lucas over her shoulder before returning her eyes to Samantha's face. "Lucas has spoken _so_ much about you." she said to a blushing Jude. "He's got it bad for you, girl."

"Ma!" Lucas cried, his cheeks blushing a deeper crimson than Jude's. Lauryn laughed as Lucas shook his head and pointed over his mother's shoulder to his father. "And this is Adrien Michaels."

Adrien looked exactly like Lucas, minus his grey streak going through his golden blonde hairand the broader chin. Unlike Lauryn, his green eyes reflected knowledge and experience. He shook her hand politely, a soft smile on his features. "Pleasure to meet you, Samantha." He said, his voice as smooth as honey.

"Pleasure's all mine, sir." Jude said, another smile crossing her face.

Lucas wound his arm around his sisters neck, drawing her to his side and pretending to give her a noogie. "And this is my younger sister, Calissa."

Calissa, who stood at an astounding five feet nine inches with the help of four inch canary-yellow heels that Jude recognized from her own shoe shrine, pressed a smile onto her face and shoved her older brother away. She had short strawberry blonde hair and the same crystal blue eyes as Lucas and Lauryn. "Hi...Samantha." She said, her dainty voice surprising Jude. Calissa's eyes went from the tips of Jude's brown suede boots to the roots of her jet black hair. Something about her didn't seem right. "Call me Callie, please. Only my headmistress calls me Calissa." Her gaze was fixed on Lucas as she said this.

Jude nodded, her once radiant smile now very faint. A few seconds of silence passed over them before Adrien broke the silence. "So, let's go get your bags, huh?"

Half an hour and one parking ticket later, the Michaels' Denali sped down the Los Angeles highway towards their home in Napa Valley. Calissa sat in the last row, iPod buds in and texting away, watching as her parents met Lucas' newest flame. Lucas and Jude sat in the middle row hands joined in the center seat, his touch somehow able to calm her senses. Classical music played lightly on the radio, setting a relaxing mood, but she was far from it.

"So, uh, where you from, Samantha?" Adrien asked, glancing at her through the rearview mirror.

She drug her eyes away from the scenery outside the tinted window and cleared her throat. "Bangor, Maine, Mr. Michaels."

"Call me Adrien, hon." He told her and she nodded in response.

"That's a big move, Bangor to NYC. How'd your parents deal with it?" Lauryn asked, turning in her seat to face Samantha.

Jude looked down at her lap; even though she knew Lauryn meant the fictional Vanessa and Steven Harris, parents were still a touchy subject for her. "Uh - they didn't, really." She said, awkwardly.

"They haven't talked to Sam since her high school graduation." Lucas filled in, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie." Lauryn said, her eyes shining with affection.

"It's...fine. They weren't that good of, uh, parents anyway."

Lauryn nodded silently, turning in her seat to face the front again. Silence once again fell over the group, except for the back beats coming from Calissa's iPod. Lucas returned his hand to hers, stroking her fingers. Suddenly Calissa, who'd unknowingly listened in, piped up. "So, you have any siblings?"

"Er...yes and no." Jude replied, looking over her shoulder. A picture of Sadie flashed before her eyes and she frowned slightly.

"Yes and no?" Calissa questioned, her finely tweezed eyebrows scrunching up.

"My sister, Sarah, left home at sixteen. We - or more likely I - haven't seen her since." Jude explained, her voice sounding a bit strained. It was so hard to lie to those people. They were nice, honest people. It was hard for her to believe that she'd lied to Lucas this long without a heavy conscious. The lying was beginning to eat her up inside and it was leaving a sour taste in her throat. She was starting to wonder how long it would be before it was going to break her.

Hours later, the Denali turned up a dirt road lined with bloomed trees. The entrace was a wooden arc, holding a sign that said 'Michaels' Fine Wine Est. 1887'. Jude looked over to see Lucas peering out the window in adoration and happiness. She smiled as he glanced over at her with a wide smile on his face. "Welcome to my home, love."

* * *

**Preview** of Chapter Seventeen: Welcome Home - (Lucas POV)

I love that she came with me. I want to show her everything. Tell her all my childhood stories of growing up on the vineyard. A few hours after showing her our room, we're walking hand-in-hand through the vineyards. "So, this is where you're from?"

I nod, bringing the top of her hand to my lips. "Yes, since age four..." I look at her through half lidded eyes. "I hope to share this with you one day, Sam."


	18. Lucas POV part trois

Authors Note: This is getting typed up real quick, like before, it's really late and I should to be in bed. This chapter's in Lucas' POV and the next, my favorite chapter so far, is in Tom-tom's POV and will be posted tomorrow in the early afternoon EST. ;) Review please, they're much appreciated.

Oh, and the mapping bit in the last chapter - I've never been to Cali (as much as I'd adore to) so I really didn't know specific locations. Truthfully, Napa Valley was taken from a movie (i'll give you a cuppycake if you know which one) and it'd popped in my head when I needed to find somewhere for them to go/thought of Lucas' background. Sorry 'bout that. Can we just pretend for now? Lol. Also! This is definitely a Jommy - I'm a huge Jommy fan myself.

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Welcome Home

I love that she came with me. Truth be told, I never thought she'd come with me. I want to show her everything. Show her the lake, the horses. Tell her all my childhood stories while walking through the vineyards. Long walks and long rests. I do believe I've fallen for this...woman - I'm sure because I've _never_ felt this for anyone before in my life. I want to take her and never let go. She clings to my arm as we walk up the stone walkway leading to the ranch house that held the memories of my lifetime. I see her eyes look around in awe as she stares at the open foyer leading to two seperate spiral staircases and the second level. "Wow..." I heard her whisper. "It's beautiful."

My father carries in our bags behind us. Surprisingly, she packs light for a industry chicks, though her suitcase is quite deep. Gently, I tug her arm as I start for the right staircase as Callie strolls casually through, a can of ginger ale in her hand, making her way up the left staircase. She's grown so much since her visit to NYC a year and a half ago. So much like Mom at her age. If a picture of Callie and my mother were held side-by-side, you'd swear they were identical twins stuck in different era's.

"C'mon Sam, I'm gonna show you our room." I wink at her, licking my lips as she giggles sexily. "Then we can walk through the vineyards."

One change of clothes and a couple of hours later, we're slowly strolling through the vineyards hand-in-hand. She looks gorgeous in her white sundress with the contrast of her dark hair against her light clothing. Her long black hair, which is naturally wave, hands down on her shoulders, framing her heart shaped face. "So...this is where you come from?" she asks softly, her eyes wandering around before returning to my face. She has a look in her eye that's unreadable to me.

I nod, smiling at her. "Yes, this has been me since the age of four and until the age of nineteen."

"You're very lucky, Lucas."

"Yes, it seems that way." I twirl her around, the skirt of her dress billowing out at her waist. She closes her eyes, giggling. Suddenly, I stop and pull her flush to my chest, lowering my voice to a husky whisper. "I'd love to share it with you someday...if you'd have me."

I can see the intensity in her eyes as she bit her lip, looking apprehensively into my eyes. "Wow - wow, that's a big proposition." She glances down before back up. "Are you sure you want _me_?"

Cupping her face, I bring her lips to mine. There's nothing more sweeter in the world than the taste of her lips on mine. It's crazy how out of touch you get with reality when you're **in love**. "Samantha," I whisper lightly after pulling away a few inches. "_I couldn't imagine it being anyone _**but** _you._"

* * *

Preview of Chapter Eighteen: Rebel Yell - (Tom's POV)

I storm into G Major, anger and hate rolling off my in waves. Without warning, I shove into Darius' office. "How the FUCK could you?!"


	19. Tom's POV part trois

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. ;) Here's my favorite chapter. Pretty soon, I'm not sure how soon, but soon - the Sam/Jude switch will be revealed to Lucas. None of this has been written (this is the last chapter written), but as soon as the inspiration hits it'll be typed and posted. It shouldn't take long, this is the first story I've written that's coming to me _so _easily. Sorry about the delay, my internet was being gay gay gay. Again, thanks for the reviews. They make me all warm inside, though the summer heat is already doing that. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter Eighteen: Rebel Yell

I storm into G Major, anger and hate rolling off me in waves. I'd just gotten off the plane a few hours ago and the closer we got to Toronto, the more I was despsing Darius. Inters and office hands rush out of my way and onto their destinations, fear written in their eyes. Without warning, I shove into Darius' office, the solid oak door slamming into the other with force. "How the FUCK could you?!" I scream, leaning my palms on his desk and getting in his face.

"How could I what?" He asks looking up from his paperwork, surprised at how close I was.

"How could you just let her leave?! You knew where she's been this whole time?! And you never told me?!" I can feel the tears burning my eyes, but I don't care. I'll let everyone see me cry. Let everyone know Tommy Quincy has real fucking feelings, that most don't give a hell about. "I _mooned_ around here for months. I nearly **killed** my damn self and you couldn't just tell me she was at least okay? That the 'investigations' of her disappearance were bogus?! Just to ease my mind?!"

Darius looked bewildered as I threw all of this in his face. He leaned back in his seat, arms crossing over his chest. "She never wanted me to and in all honesty, Tom, I didn't want to. I was respecting her wishes." He said before rising from his seat, yelling now. "And you should be glad that I didn't all but fire your ass when I found about the damn coke you did in my studio."

I flinch from where I stand, inside I can feel the anger discipate some. "Can you at least tell me what happened? How she went to live there?" My voice is soft and it surprises me.

He leaned against the corner of his desk, arms folded as I took a seat, contemplation written across his face. "Well," he sighed. "She called me that night, evidently crying. I knew she wouldn't call my cell that late without it being important. _'He fucked up, D. He fucked up big time.'_ " He imitated her slightly, shaking his head as I knew he remembered that night. "I remember her - "

I can hear the pain in his voice, and see it on his face. Just as he was about to continue on, Sadie knocked on the door. "Darius, the Ambassador of Mexico is on line one about World Instant Star."

"Tell him I'm bus - " I held up my hand, shaking my head. I don't think I want, or can, listen to more.

"No, go ahead. Take the call." I tell him, standing up. I actually have a recording session with SME, but I change my mind. I need to get her back here. Despite what she thinks, and feels, she belongs here - making music and loving me. "D, I'm taking a vacation alright? Dock my pay if you feel the need."

Quickly, without waiting for his answer, I walk out of his office. Sadie tries to grab my arm as I brush past her, but I yank it from her line of grasp. I shake my head, along with my finger. "Do...**not**...touch me." I spat, leaning in close. "Capiche?"

She nods silently, her eyebrows scrunched up. "Good." I say pushing past her again and leaving G Major.


	20. Callie's POV

Authors Note: This is set about three days after Samucas' arrival. Like I'd said before I didn't want to drag it out, so the next few chapters are the one you'll be wanting. Because I've hit 100 reviews (thanks to all those who reviewed) I decided do a triple update. ;) They'll probably posted hours apart, but I'm going out soon so maybe not. Review anyway? Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter Nineteen: My Prerogative

Oh, what a nice event this is. All these hoity-toity fuckers here to celebrate my parents anniversary. Personally, I'd rather be with my damn friends - hell even boarding school beats this party. Horrible, slow music; dressy dresses; and expensive h'or duerves all equal to a crappy time...for me anyway. Least they're letting me sip the champagne.

I slip my sidekick from between my breasts and set it in my lap. Just as I start inconspicuously texting Deanna, Lucas and Samantha sit at the empty table. "Hello, dearest." Lucas says, bringing their joined hands on the table top. "Would you ever let go of that phone??"

I roll my eyes and slide the screen down. "Uh, no?" I tell him, tilting my head to the side and picking up the champagne flute.

He chuckles as I take a sip. "Oh, I have not missed you one bit, Callie." He says sarcastically.

I throw my head back, laughing. "Right back at cha, Lucas Andrew." I reply, mimicking his tone and squinting my eyes. He ruffles my hair as I set the flute down, laughing along with me. We have a love/hate relationship, but he's still awesome. Grateful he's **my** brother. "How's boarding school?" He asks, finishing off my champagne.

"Life altering. I hate my roommate, the work is stupid, and the headmistress put me on cafeteria duty for the rest of the semester. I'm glad Mom came to get me two days ago. I've got eight days left to drag this out."

I see Samantha's eyes wander around our ballroom that this shindig is being held at. Lucas says something, but I just nod my head as I assess Samantha. She looks _so_ familiar. Like, I don't know, I swear I've seen her somewhere. I'm sure of it. Lucas seems to wrapped up in her to notice, but I know I can.

Suddenly, there's a tap on my shoulder. I look up to see my father standing before me, his hand extended. "Callie? May I have this dance?" He asks and I finally notice 'Butterfly Kisses' is playing.

I smile widely, handing Lucas my phone and standing up. Ever since I can remember this song has been me and my father's theme. We sweep onto the dance floor, with me now 16 ad able to dance on my own toes. "So what do you think of Samantha?" He asks as we sway to the music.

"Eh, she's by far the prettiest, but she's too quiet. Like, she's got something to hide." I look at him from the corner of my eye.

"You gotta think, Cal, she's meeting the parents for the first time. That's gotta make her nervous." That's my father, evening the plane out. I don't agree, but I won't pipe up. I've learned over time that it's better to keep my mouth shut sometimes, and this seems to be the time.

"I guess." I nod, making him think that I agree with him.

"Well, your mother is going to take you girls out tomorrow. Try and get to know her." He leaned in, dropping his voice to a whisper. "_Don't judge a book by it's cover_..."

* * *

Chapter Twenty: Separate Lives/When It All Falls - (Omniscient POV)

The trio laughed and suddenly 'Shut up and Let Me Go' resonated from Samantha's purse beside the table. She glanced at the ID as she grabbed the phone; she didn't recognize the number, but she knew it was a Canadian call. "Hello?" She asked, sitting down with her back facing the Michaels' girls.

"Ju - I mean Samantha, I know you said we shouldn't contact you..." Kwest's voice filtered through the ear piece.


	21. Omniscient POV part six

Author's Note: Later tonight, chapter 21 will be posted. No worries, eh? Read and review. ;)

* * *

Chapter Twenty: Separate Lives/When It All Falls

Lauryn, Callissa, and Jude all lay face down on massage tables, three oriental women massaging their oiled backs. "So Samantha, what kind of music do you like?" Calissa asked, turning her head to face her.

"Uh, I like Aerosmith, Nirvana definetly, uh, Paramore, Katy Perry, Stars...a lot more, but those are just the top."

Calissa nodded, comparing hers with someone elses. Last night she'd stayed up late, researching on Samantha and the theory she'd been thinking of. If she knew one thing, it was sure Samantha was not her real name. "What about you?" Samantha asked.

"Alesana, Colby O, Gym Class Heroes, Shwayze, Duffy, Usher, and," She drug the syllable out, thinking for a moment. "Coheed and Cambria, but those are just the top bands." Jude nodded, groaning quietly as the messeuse worked a kink in her shoulder.

"So, what was it like growing up in Bangor?" Lauryn asked. "I bet it was nice, like, a tight knit community."

"Yeah," Samantha said. "I still knew most of my elementry school friends when I was in high school. There a bit too much snow, though. And we still had to go to school."

Calissa groaned, knowing the feeling. "Ugh, I _know_. Boston gets like ass loads of snow and we still have to trudge from building to building. I hate it."

The trio laughed and suddenly 'Shut up and Let Me Go' resonated from Samantha's purse beside the massage table. She sat up, holding the towel to her bare chest. She looked at the ID of her own sidekick; she didn't know the number, but she knew it was a Canadian call. Her heart picked up speed and a nausceaus feeling grew as she pressed the talk button with shaky fingers.

"Hello?" She asked, sitting down with her back facing the Michaels' girls.

"Ju - I mean Samantha, I know you said we shouldn't contact you..." Kwest's voice filtered through the ear piece and to her, it sounded like she'd been crying. "But Sadie's been in a serious car accident...I - I think you should come home."

Jude felt the world tilt and she pressed end before passing out.

* * *

Preview of Chapter Twenty One: Didn't We Almost Have it All? - (Jude's POV)

I open my eyes to see Callie and Lauryn standing over me, looking very worried. "Are you okay?" Lauryn asks, placing a hand on my arm.

Am I okay? Ha. I look around before leaning up. "I - I need to see Lucas." My throat is dry and I feel like crying. I have to tell Lucas. I have to. He'll be mad...I can feel it.


	22. Jude's POV part sept

Author's Note: Since this is being posted late, I decided to post two chapters...at the same time. Enjoy! :) & don't forget to review.

* * *

Chapter twenty-one: Didn't We Almost Have It All?

I open my eyes to see Callie and Lauryn standing over me, looking very worried. "Are you okay?" Lauryn asks, placing a comforting hand on my arm.

Am I okay? Ha. I look around before sitting up. "I - I need to see Lucas..." My throat is dry and I feel like crying. "Can we go back to the house? Please?"

They both nod and after getting dressed, we head back to their home from the small spa in town. I have to tell Lucas. I have to. He'll be mad. I can feel it. The queasy feeling that I'd been feeling since I woke up only got worse as we got closer to the Michaels'. Quickly, I dial Nicci's number. She should be off work by now. "Nic." I breath as soon as she picks up the phone. "Something's happened...I have to go back home."

"Sam?" She asks and I realize she must be in a public place. "Hold on."

I hear a rustling in the background before complete silence. Then I hear a faucet being turned on. "Jude?" She asks, her voice now as frantic as mine probably sounds. "What - what do you mean 'something's happened'?"

"Sadie," I whisper, feeling the tears start to roll down my cheeks. "She's been in an accident. Kwest didn't say how serious, but he wouldn't be calling me if it wasn't severe. I have to tell Lucas! I need to go to Toronto, but I think I need his support..."

"Holy shit..." Nicci dead pans, exhaling heavily. "You're going to tell him? It might be bad, chica, I told you this before you left for Cali. Look, call on your way to Tee-Oh. I'll come if you need me. You know you're, like, my sister."

I nod, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand. "Thanks, Nic. I love you."

"I love you too, Jude."

"Hey, I gotta go." I sniffle as I notice we're turning up the driveway to the Michaels' vineyards. "We're at Lucas' now."

"Alright, talk to you later. Good luck."

"Yeah...Bye, Nic."

I end the call and wipe my watery eyes. I can barely swallow or breathe, but after Lauryn parks I hop out. Without speaking, I proceeded through the Michaels' front door and found Lucas in the gaming room. "Lucas.." I start, wringing my hands. "We need to talk."


	23. Omniscient POV part sept

Chapter Twenty-Two: True Colors

"You're who?" He asked, leaning forward on his elbows that were planted on his knees to eye Samantha who claimed to be the missing Canadian rockstar. When she'd showed up in the game room and told him they needed to talk, he drug her to the study. He honestly thought that it was something less substantial, something that wouldn't sting as the words sunk in.

SHe took a breath and repeated herself, "Jude...Harrison."

He shook his head, not believing it. "But...how? Why?"

She took out one of her contacts, revealing her sapphire blue eyes. "This is dyed," she said, shaking her head. "It's so easy to change identities, right?"

He chuckled uneasily, scratching his head. "But...why?"

"Reasons of my own." She breathes, picking her head up.

"So basically, you _lied_..." He said, getting angrier by the moment. "To not just _me_, your **boyfriend**, but my family...just because??"

She quickly raised from the chaisse she sat on. "I didn't want to be her - " she shook her head, correcting herself. "Be me...Things happened and I wasn't feeling the scene anymore. I couldn't take it...and honestly, when we first met at Sound Gardens would you have believed me if I said 'Oh, yeah I like you too and by the way I'm Jude Harrison?' I think not! Besides, it was easier to protect myself and be someone if I pretended to be Samantha Harris."

"So, you dye your hair? Change your eye color and name? Lie to people that made connections with you because you feel it better if people didn't know you're a fucking recording artist?! How do you think that makes me feel? Makes my family feel?!"

Outside of the closed mahogany doors, Calissa stood with her ear planted to the door and a cigarette burning in her hand. "I fucking knew it!" She whispered to herself, taking a long drag. "Samantha Harris my ass..."

"I'm sorry, Lucas! Believe me, I am!" Jude cries, holding her palms out to him.

"Yeah, right." He scoffs. "So why are you telling me this now anyway? Felt guilty? Couldn't keep up with the lie anymore?"

"No, I have to go back to my _real_ home - Toronto. My sister, she's been in a serious car accident."

Calissa gasped, dropping her cigarette from between her fingers. "This is too good to be true..." She cried silently, bending down to pick up the cigarette and tip toeing to her room.

"I guess this means we're over, then?" Lucas asks, trying his best not to look disappointed.

She steps closer to him, placing her hands on his cheeks. "No, Lucas. My heart lies with you now. I'm not sure what's going to happen in Toronto, but I want you there by my side."

Lucas, who'd been focusing out the french doors at the glistening water of the family pool, looked at her. "You're really Jude Harrison?" And she nodded causing him to sigh heavily and return his gaze back to the pool. He contemplated the situation. He did love her and lying about who she was didn't change that fact - he couldn't just switch _off_ his love for her. After what seemed like an eternity to Jude, he looked at her. "Fine," His face broke into a smile. "I shall come with you. I love you, **Jude**, even still. You've been the center of my world for a while no, there's no way I'm losing you now."

She smiled, leaning in to kiss his lips sweetly. His arms wrapped around her waist as hers snaked around his neck. In the back of her mind she knew Tommy would try something once he knew she was in the Toronto area, but she did the best to push him from her mind.

After all, she was going home. The pit of bad memories and bad people - or more likely, bad person.


	24. Tom's POV part quatre

**Author's Note**: 122 reviews?! Yay! Sorry for the errors last chapter - I noticed a few - they were all my own. This is set at about the same day/night that Jude gets the call and leaves. I think Callie might play a bigger part than I had imagined. Hope you all enjoy. ;)

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Three: Take me to the Riot!

I quietly stalk down the New York street, the paper that had "Samantha's" number burning my hand. Tension, as well as nervousness, runs through me. How am I supposed to approach this?

As I ride the elevator to the eighth floor, I check my phone for messages. Good. None. No one is worried about me. As soon as the doors opened, I briskly walk to her door. I knock a few times, lightly at first but when I get no answer I knock a bit harder. "J - Samantha!" I call, knocking on the door again. "I know you're in there!"

"Uh, excuse me?"

I turn to see a tall, broad shouldered male standing in the doorway opposite of hers. His accent is unrecognizable to me, and I eye him in question. "Are you looking for Samantha?" He asks and I nod, hoping he would tell me where she could be found. My luck he wouldn't. "She's in California with her boyfriend, Lucas." He says leaning his head on the door. "Who are you?"

My eyebrows squint together, and I feel the anger rising in me. "Nobody..." I tell him, turning to walk away. "I don't really matter."

"Hey!" He called after me. "If you're pressed on finding her, you can speak to Nicole, her best friend."

I stop, turning around half way. "Where does she live?"

"Royal Heights - the Upper East Side - Apartment 913."

Twenty minutes later, I was pulling up in front of the high rise. Before paying the driver, I look out the window at the navy blue awning with the gold lettering reading 'Royal Heights'. I throw a fifty in the front seat and rush into the building. I get strange looks as I pound the elevator button, mumbling obscenities. Finally, I decide to take the steps two-at-a-time. I make it to the ninth floor in a blur.

When I get to Apartment 913, I pound on the door before quieting down to insistent knocks. In the middle of a knock, the door swings open. My eyes scan the brunette in front of me dressed sort of like Sadie. "Nicole?" I heave out, my eyebrow quirking,

"Can I help you, Mr. Quincy?" she asks icily, her green eyes are hard and I know she knows the truth.

"Where is Jude?"

"I'm not sure she'd like you to know."

She begins to shut the door, but I stop it with my palm. "Is she really in Cali with Lucas?" My voice sounds more desperate than I planned on.

"No," She shakes her head.

"Then where is she?"

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know."

"Please...don't make me get violent."

She chuckles, taking her heel off and holding it in her hand. "Go...ahead...I dare you." She challenges me, I relax my stance and she drops her shoe. "Just go Tommy, you're not going to find her _here_."

"Then where?" I plead, about to drop on my knees. I see her give me a look.

"_Go home_. Samantha will not be found in the city."

Finally I get what she's trying to say and I turn to start rushing down the hall. I pull out my phone, dialing the airlines number. Just as I'm pushing the door to the staircase open, I hear Nicole yell down the hall. "DON'T HURT HER, QUINCY!"

* * *

Preview for Chapter Twenty Three: Shout - (Spiederman POV)

Everyone in the G Major family is crowded in the waiting room of Toronto Memorial's Intensive Care Unit, waiting to hear word on Sadie. I was in shock as Kwest stopped the recording of our final song for our second album. It's been a few hours since he and the doctor walked back to her room. No one has spoken a word - I'm not sure anyone knows what to say.

"What room is Sadie Harrison in?" A recognizable voice asks at the Nurses' station.

"Only immediate family is allowed to see her..."

"I'm her _sister_."


	25. Spiederman's POV

**Author's Note**: Thanks for all the reviews. Here's the next part. Oh and the neighbor, if you hadn't noticed at "Sam's birthday", there was a neighbor, Adam, and that was his brief appearance. ;) Enjoy

* * *

Chapter Twenty-four: Shout

Everyone in the G Major family is crowded in the waiting room of Toronto Memorial's Intensive Care Unit, waiting to hear word on Sadie. I was in shock as Kwest stopped the recording of our final song for our second album. Apparently, she'd been driving to meet up with a potential investor in the label, but along the way a drunk driver struck the driver's side at an intersection. The car, meaning Sadie's, slid about six feet and collided with a light post. I know all this because I overheard the cop talking to her fiancee, Kwest.

It's been a few hours since he and the doctor walked back to her room. No one has spoken a word - I'm not sure anyone knows what to say. We all just sit together in silence, comforting one another. Ever since Jude's disappearance, we all have seemed to get closer. That is except Sadie and Kwest, they kind of have iced Squinty out, which I find quite rude because he's hurting just about as much as the rest of us - if not more.

"What room is Sadie Harrison in?" A recognizable voice asks out at the nurses' station. My head raises at the sound and my first instint is to get up and run to see if it is her, but I wait.

"Only immediate family can see her, you can wait in the waiting room with the others - there seems to be a crowd for Miss Harrison." I can't take it anymore, I race to the door. I see long black hair and a black pea coat. Nothing like Jude would wear.

"I'm her _sister_." She insists and the nurses mouth opens in surprise.

Beside her is a taller male with sandy blonde hair, his arm is around her side protectively and she is leaning in towards him. "Room 3b, hon." The nurse tells her and as she turns to walk away our eyes connect, but she quickly looks away. It can't be...she disappeared a while back when she was driving to her ranch house. They'd presumed her dead! Yet, I still can't help but believe that it's her.

"Jude..." I whisper, falling back into the plastic chair in shock.


	26. Omniscient POV part huit

Author's Note: Uhm like 10,000 + hits and 142 reviews? I thank you all immensely. I seriously didn't think I'd get very far with this. About the short chapters, I thought they spoke enough for themselves. It's totally understandable, so I'll try to make them a bit longer. Enjoy! ;)

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Chapter Twenty-five: Hanging By A Moment

Lightening struck and thunder rolled across the sky as Jude and Lucas rushed from the airport to their rental car, their luggage trailing behind their outstretched arms. They'd barely spoken to one another on the flight, mostly it being Lucas not knowing what to say. As they drove through the Toronto streets, the sky finally opened up and broke into a heavy downpour; her eyes stayed glued to the streets as pedestrians ran to keep from getting wet. Unwillingly, she remembered the night of the third Instant Star competition finale when hurricane Karma rolled in and Tommy had returned with Darius' daughter in tow. How she first thought it was his daughter. She thought it was ridiculous now, but back then she'd been to heart broken. She'd refused his ride home and decided to walk in the rain...

"Jude," Lucas touched her arm, breaking her thoughts. With glazed eyes, she looked over at him expectantly and he gestured out the window. "We're here."

She wrung her hands, the rain pattering against the car in a steady rain. Swallowing thickly, she opened the car door and slowly made her way to the entrance of the hospital. The rain seemed to refresh her, bring her back to reality even. Being in Toronto made the last year and a half seem surreal to her. She didn't notice Lucas jogging past her or the walk into the hospital. Once she was inside the elevator, she buried her face in Lucas' chest hoping he'd get some kind of strength from him. He'd never seen her like this and he hated it. When the elevator signaled the arrival to their floor, he wrapped his arm around her and directed her through the small crowd and onto the floor.

_'When we're older and I'm a famous model and you're a rockstar...promise you won't forget me?' _A seven year old Sadie asked a five year old Jude.

_'Only if you promise not to forget me.'_ Jude told her, the gap of her missing front teeth causing her to whistle as she spoke.

Both smiled at one another saying in unison, _'Promise!'_

"Things don't always turn out the way you want them to." Jude whispered to herself as she leaned into his chest as the walked down the corridor.

"Huh?" Lucas asked, looking down at her.

She shook her head, lifting it as they approached the nurses station. A tan raven haired nurse sat, doing something or another on her computer, looking very bored. Jude cleared her throat, feeling a bit insignificant. "What room is Sadie Harrison in?" she asked, her voice wavering.

The nurse, name tag reading _Rosmarin_, turned to reveal a six-month pregnancy hump. "Only immediate family can see her," She said, a snotty after taste to her words "you can wait in the waiting room with the others - " She pointed behind the couple, a pressed smile on her face. "there seems to be a crowd for Miss Harrison."

Jude leaned on the desk, getting a bit closer to the nurse. "I'm her _sister_."

The nurse's jaw dropped as realization dawned on her. "Room 3b, hon." she pointed down the hall where the rooms were.

Jude mouthed a 'thank you' and turned to walk towards Sadie's assigned room. As she did, she caught eye contact with Vincent Spiederman who looked like he'd just seen a ghost. Quickly, she turned her head and looked at the waxed linoleum lining the floor. She knew it'd only be a matter of time before he told the other members of SME. That would make leaving even harder...if she was to leave at all.

She stopped right outside of room 3b, the sound of heart monitors echoing in the hallway. Her hand as outstretched towards the doorhandle, but she couldn't bring herself to touch the cool metal.

"Sam," Lucas said from behind her, using her fake name. They'd decided on the flight, during one of the brief times they exchanged words, that in public she'd still go by _'Samantha' _so no paparazzi uproar occurred. "Are you going to open the door?"

She nodded silently, warm tears building up behind her eyelids and she pushed herself to grasp the handle. It took all she had to push open the door, and when she did, her eyes first fell on a pale Sadie. Numerous tubes and IVs ere hooked up to her. White gauze covered a large portion of her silky blonde hair and both her legs were inside casts, held up by the frame add on of her hospital bed. Her eyes were tightly shut and a machine assisted her breathing. Jude could've sworn she heard her heart breaking over her sister's state.

"Kwest..." She murmured as he apprached her and scooped her into a hug. The tears began falling as she felt the familiar warmth of home envelope her as they embraced. She buried her face in his neck and he stroked her damp hair. "God if it was one person, besides my sister, that I've missed terribly - it was you."

"I've missed you too, Jude. We all have..." He replied, stepping back and looking at her. Tears wet his on cheeks and he chuckled at her appearance. "When Sadie told me you'd left and changed your appearance - I didn't think it'd be possible for someone to _not _recognize you, but damn girl, you made it impossible to."

She sniffled as a chuckle managed to escape her lips, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. "Only to so many...Tommy sure recognized me."

"What?" He dead panned, knowing the story of _why_ Jude left. He understood that the last person she'd want to see was Tommy.

"We sort of ran into one another in New York..." She trailed off, trying not to recall the incident.

Kwest nodded and finally noticed Lucas who'd stood back while he and she talked. "Who's this, Jude?" he asked, gesturing behind her. He looked familiar, yet Kwest couldn't place his face.

"Oh, yes." She grabbed his hand, pulling him to her side, a smile passing by her features. "Kwest meet Lucas Michaels. Lucas meet Kevin West...other wise known as Kwest." She gestured between the two men with her free hand. "This is my sister's significant other."

"Lucas Michaels..." Kwest repeated to himself before raising his eyebrows in realization. "Oh, from The Good Stuf records, right?" He stuck his hand out, remembering when he and Sadie broke up temporarily - he'd thought about leaving and going to NY to produce, but they ended up reconciling before he got an answer. "Got a few good artists there."

Lucas nodded, his modesty kicking in as he shook Kwest's hand. "Yeah, a few." He said, looking down at Jude.

Kwest was brought back to reality and nodded towards Sadie. "Well, uh, I'll give you some time alone. The doctor's say she's in a coma, but she's likely more to wake up if she hears familiar voices." He hugged her one last time before walking around her to the door. He glanced at Lucas, his hand holding onto the latch. "Lucas, you want to go to the cafeteria? The coffee's pretty good." Noticing the jet lagged look in his eyes.

"Sure," Lucas nodded, turning to kiss Jude lightly. "I'll be back..." He whispered and she nodded, looking down. He lifted her chin to look her in her sapphire blue eyes. "I love you, Jude."

She reveled in the feeling of him saying her real name, knowing it wouldn't be long before 'Sam' would become her identity again. Before anything else could be said he disappeared through the door with Kwest. She turned to Sadie, hesitant to walk to her bedside, but before too long she was making her way to her. Jude steps matched her rhythmic heartbeat and once beside her, she laced her fingers with Sadie's lifeless ones and collapsed in the chair that Kwest had previously inhabited. Her eyes lifted from the IVs on her arm to her relaxed face. It looked as if she was just sleeping, like she was just playing pretend like they'd used to play when they were naive children. She wasn't sure what to say or even if it'd work, but like her songs it just came to her.

"Oh Sades," She cried, touching her forehead to the top of Sadie's palm. "I miss you, so much..." It was silent for a moment, the heart monitor her only link to reality. "You've got to wake up...and even if it isn't for selfish oleme - do it for Kwest. He loves you Sadie, and if you haven't noticed, you two are perfect for each other."

Jude closed her eyes, praying that Sadie would wake and everything would be okay. "W_hen the night has come and the land is dark,_" she sang unconsciously, her voice just barely above a whisper, remembering the song they were sung every night. Unlike most families, the Harrison girls were sung to sleep rather than read to. "_And the moon - is the only light we'll see. No, I won't be afraid, oh, I won't be afraid. Just as long as you stand...stand by me._" She swallowed and continued on a bit louder. "_So, darling darling stand by me, oh, stand by me! Oh stand - stand by me, stand by me. If the sky, that we look upon shall tumble and fall or the mountains shall crumble to the see. I won't cry, I won't cry! No, I-I won't shed a tear..._" Tears were beginning to build up as she continued to sing to her unresponsive sister. "_Just as long...as you stand - stand by me..._"

She stopped, looking at Sadie becoming to unbearable. Once again she found herself crying and she covered her mouth so her sobs could not be heard. In the midst of it, she began rocking herself to and fro. "I love you, sis." She wwhispered, standing up and kissing her lukewarm cheek.

Jude escaped out to the hall, the pressure of the room beginning to take it's toll on her. She held her hand to her aching chest, tears streaming down her cheeks. Just as she began to slide down to the floor, Lucas rounded the corner quite quickly. "Jude!! Go!" He yelled, gesturing her along. Behind him, she could hear the commotion that could only be taken as one thing, or more likely: things - the paparazzi.

She scrambled to her feet, beginning to run down the hall. "What the hell?!" she exclaimed as Kwest finally barricaded them at one corner. Despite it being ICU in a hospital, the paps still shouted for her, asking questions.

"I don't know," Lucas panted. "They hounded us as they got off the elevator...they know where you've been...who I am...even your fake identity."

Her mouth opened in surprise, not knowing what to say. Who would rat her out? She tried her best to think of who would do such a thing, but only one person came to mind...

**Nicole Gregory**

But she refused to believe it...Nicole wouldn't do that to her...or would she?


	27. Omnisicient POV part neuf

**Author's Note**: First chapter that I've typed instead of hand writing first. Er, it's sort of a filler...no I'm kidding. Lots of drama happens, that's why it's in omniscient point of view. Also, the next chapter maybe the juicy one, if not then the one after. I'm not sure if I should smut it, like I'd originally planned on, because needless to say Jommy action is needed in the story, but it is rated-T. So, uh, any feedback on that would be great. Sorry, there is no preview but it's only because the next chapter is not written.

Enjoy, hm?

I do not own 'Doves Cry' originally by Prince, though I'm referring to the Quindon Tarver version. Oh, and I don't own 'The Dead End Saloon' - that's just some place my parents went to before I was made. ;) Thanks for all the reviews, dudes.

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Chapter Twenty six: Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

Jude and Lucas slipped quietly into the rusty, old elevator of the rehearsal space. She as still shook from the paparazzi and all he could do was try to comfort her. When they arrived on the floor, she took her keys out, the ones that held all her keys from New York, and chose a particular one. For some reason she kept the key, knowing it would come in handy in the future. Slowly, she slid the key into the lock and turned, pushing the door open.

What used to be the old 'hella-nasty' rehearsal space turned into the retro, chill, rehearsal _area_. The walls had been painted over black, except for the chorus of 'Worth Waiting For', with random posters tacked up. New hardwood panels covered the floors, the old rugs still lying in their respected places. Updated couches, a fooseball table, a pool table, and a bar took occupancy of the first floor, while the upper deck had been turned into their performance spot.

She looked around in awe, pushing her suitcase beside the wall. "It's changed so much," she murmured as he closed the door and pushed his suitcase beside hers.

"Is...is that the lyrics to 'Worth Waiting For'?" He asked, pointing to the west wall.

She nodded, walking up the steps towards the instruments. "Yeah, the chorus anyway. It...was the first song I'd recorded by myself." She smiled in remembrance as she ran her fingers over the microphone, sauntering to the drums and running her fingers over the cymbal.

"I don't really know who could've said anything, Jude." He said, flopping down on the black plush couch.

"I can only think of Nicole," She dropped her bag, jacket, and headband. "but I really don't believe she'd do that."

"I don't either, as much as I dislike the girl - she's trustworthy."

Jude nodded, grabbing a hold of the microphone. As if on cue, Samantha's cellphone rung. The 'All Time Low' resonating from her purse notified her that it was in fact Nicole. Warily, she grabbed the sidekick and pressed talk. Before she could speak, Nicole was blabbering. "Jude, I swear to _God_, I don't know how anyone found out!" She could hear the talking in the background, and it was hard to decipher Nicole's voice. "The paparazzi got me as I was leaving Vogue! I've been stuck in the lobby for hours and they keep asking me questions! I don't know how to answer!"

Jude's heart sunk, feeling remorse for thinking Nicole ratted her. "Nicole, Nicole..." Jude repeated, running her fingers through her hair and pacing back in forth. "Listen, **don't** say a thing. Try and get to your apartment, call me when you reach there. Okay?"

There was a crash and Nicole screamed. "Nicole?!" She blanched, stopping in her tracks with her hand stuck to her neck.

"I'm okay, I'm okay..." She heard Nicole say faintly as it suddenly became quiet. "What'd you say before? Not saying a thing right?"

Jude nodded, though Nicole couldn't see her. "Yeah, call me when you get home." She murmured, feeling horrible about all of it. "Love you."

There was no answer because Nicole had already hung up. She dropped her phone on the floor, going back up to the microphone. Inspiration hit her and since she was outed to the paparazzi, she knew they'd be begging for her to release something. If she knew the boys she knew there was recording material here. "Lucas..." She said after a few minutes of silence and he looked up at her from his seat on the first floor. "I know this is your vacation and all, but you wouldn't feel like producing a bit right now, would you?"

A smile spread across his face, shaking his head lightly. "For you, Jude? Not at all..."

"Well," she said with a smile, finding a pencil that was ditched on the floor and he climbed up the stairs with a notepad in his hand. "let's get to work."

Hours later, she stood in the bathroom that oddly resembled Nana Andrews' basement bathroom. It was done up more nicely, better toilet and shower, but they still had the old shower curtain that Patsy had from way back when. Dolphins danced up the side, faux bubbles were randomly throughout the plastic. "Jude," Lucas' voice in the headphones covering her ears forced her to focus on him. "You ready?"

She nodded, though the butterflies in her stomach were undeniable. On the other side, he counted her down from three and within a few seconds a melody, not like anything she'd normally sing, wafted into her eardrums. On cue, her voice cut in. "_How could you leave me standing...alone in a world that's so cold, maybe I'm just too demanding - maybe I'm just like my father, too bold. Maybe I'm just like mother...she's never satisfied. Why do we scream at each other...? This is what it sounds like when doves cr-y. Yes, they cry. Ohh, they cry..._" She sang, feeling satisfied as her vocal cords opened up. Her eyes slid shut and she cupped the headphone to her ear. Nothing had felt this good in the past year; it felt like she was finally whole again. Nothing was missing, nothing was broken, but once the music ended - that's where she was left.

Lucas yawned as the playback came to an end. "You did great, girl." He murmured, rubbing the side of his face. Jet lag was wearing in on him and he was ready to pass out, she on the other hand was wired. "I'm going to go to bed...okay?" He rose from his seat at the sound board and kissed her cheek. She nodded her head, staring into the booth.

"I'll be in later..." She said distractedly, reaching for the notepad on top of the sound board.

"Night..." He told her, walking back out to the front room but she was too engrossed in writing to hear him.

As Lucas was pulling out the hide away bed, his cellphone vibrated within his pocket. He didn't know who could be calling him, he was in California as far as colleagues were concerned and his parents knew nothing...well, until now. He'd figured they'd have found out by one of those nasty celebrity shows he knew his mother watched. When he retrieved his iPhone from his pocket, the caller ID read that it was in fact his parents calling.

"Hello?" He asked, feigning a yawn.

"Luke?" His mother's warm voice came through the ear piece as worried, rushed. "We didn't know what happened until your father mentioned over hearing Calissa talking on the phone to one of her boarding school friends...Are you okay? I'm so sorry, tell Sa-Jude I am too..."

"Mom...mom...what're you talking about Callie talking on the phone..."

"It was **her**, Lucas. She contacted one of her friends from boarding school, apparently she had what they call 'connections'..." Lucas could envision his mother's worried face as she made air quotes around her assumptions. "She heard you talking to Jude in the study..."

Lucas' eyes widened as he listened to his mother and remembered the few days they were in California. Calissa was acting weird, he couldn't put his finger on it, but he just ignored it - too wrapped up in 'Samantha' to notice. His mother's voice dimmed to background garble as he remembered seeing her when he'd pulled Jude into the study. He couldn't understand why she'd do such a thing, but yet it seemed to logical that he couldn't deny it.

"Look - Mom, I've gotta go." He cut her off, he was mad now and he needed to sleep. "I'll call you tomorrow."

He hung up without saying 'Bye' and finished pulling out the bed, climbing in immediately. He was asleep before his head hit the boom box shaped pillow. At that moment, Jude walked out to see Lucas sleeping. She knew there was no way in hell that she would be able to sleep. Not with the rate and speed of her nonstop thoughts. She pulled her sidekick from the bib pocket of her dress and checked the time. There was still an hour and a half until last call and a good drink was what she needed. Maybe she could find a bar that didn't follow celebrity happenings and she'd be able to use her fake ID.

She grabbed her pea coat from the upper platform and waited until she was out in the hall to put on her heels. Once inside of the elevator, she pulled up her hair into a bun and applied a bit of her lip gloss. The paparazzi was oblivious to her place here, so she could sneak out unnoticed. Still, when the elevator stopped on the bottom floor she couldn't help but check around before stepping out completely. Her footsteps echoed as she walked towards the exit and the flickering yellow lights didn't help the scare factor. Out of a dark corner, a dirty old man came hobbling out.

"Please, ma'am...do you have some change?" He asked, his grey eyes blood shot from his drug usage and his hand shook as he extended it.

"Get away from me, damn it..." She hissed, used to those kind of men from the New York City streets. Never once did she give them change and always tried to hurry on her way. Quickly, she jogged towards the exit and outside. The rain had turned into a light snow from the dropping temperatures and her breath was evidence of the chill enough. With careful steps she made it the rental car and hopped in.

After twenty minutes of driving around, she settled on a small bar named 'The Dead End Saloon'. Sounded scuzzy enough to know they wouldn't recognize her even if she came in with her own concert t-shirt on. When she pushed the door open, the smell of stale cigarettes and vodka hit her like a freight train. All eyes were on her as she sauntered up to the bar, ordering a double shot of Jack Daniels and sprite. The bartender never asked for an ID, so she settled into the stool and sipped her drink. Before long she was ordering another and another and another...and another.

Her blue eyes were glassy as she chatted with the bartender about God-knows-what. He was barely able to keep up, but he just responded with a nod and always asked her to explain. He knew how drunks got when they were ignored. Just in the middle of talking about her old 'drunk-wild-free-gutsy-beautiful-angry-ungrateful-drunk-best-friend', a seat was taken next to her. She started at his finely cut fingernails and up his thick fingers to the brown leather jacket, and finally, she found his crystal blue eyes. Never in a thousand years did she expect to see **him** here. She tried to be inconspicuous, but then again Tommy somehow gravitated towards her.

She flashed her eyes to him, tapping the rim of her shot glass which the bartender filled up. "So stalking me, are you?" She said, a slur to her voice as she turned to him.

"Isn't that my line, Harrison?" He said, his slur not so profound, but she could smell the rum on his breath. "You're the one in Toronto again. Couldn't get enough of me, huh?"

Her hand connected with the side of his face quickly. "My sister is in the hospital, you asshole." she spat, slamming the shot back. As if reading her mind, the bartender filled up the shot glass again. By some other worldly power, he knew this was going to be a long night with those two.


	28. Jude's POV part huit

Author's Note: Ahh, such a short-ish chapter. It took me a bit, sorry, things kind of went haywire in life and I was too involved to write anything. Did anyone see the Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet. Movie was hella comparable to my story. Hm. Anyway, I decided to write it all out (a bit of smut included). We all need some Jommy love, huh? Too much of Sam/Lucas. ;) Read at your own accord. Please review, it kind of makes my day.

I do not own any Instant Star recognizables, nor do I own Michael Jackson and Billie Jean. Also! The song, that Jommy dances to, that I never mentioned is 'Cry to Me' By Solomon Burke. I do not own that. I do however own Lucas, Nicole, and this storyline.

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Chapter Twenty-Seven: Here We Go Again/Get Wasted (With Me)

I could've left. I could've left right after he sat next to me and uttered his dialogue, but not before I threw my drink on him. But if I had did that, that would've meant that I was not a masochist when I so definitely am. Masochism would explain this whole thing. Why I keep going back to him, why I keep getting hurt, but then again - I hate the pain. I wish I could say he stalked me here, but judging from the glassy look in his eye and the chumminess directed towards the bartender - I figure he's been here for a while. A regretful look washes over his features as I withdraw my hand, the spot where my hand connected with his face quickly turning red. Must've hit harder than planned. I slam another shot back, not bothering to chase it because the burn it left as it slithered down my throat was oddly comforting at the moment.

"I-I'm sorry, Jude." He sputtered, clutching the glass tumbler. I wonder if he realized he still had that kind of hold on my heart. Probably does - the smug bastard.

About..."What?" I shake my head slightly. "About what?" When does he ever apologize??

He looks at me as if I've grown two heads. For safe measure, I rub the side of my neck to make sure there's not one a-starting. "For-for what I just said...Vin didn't call me and tell me anything."

I gulp back on the other shot, knoing he truly wouldn't be sorry for anything else. "You talk to Spied, like, in a civil manner?" I ask incredulously, my jaw dropping.

He nods, sipping the rum, feigning laughter from what it seems. "Oddly, my _old_ friends stopped talking to me after you left...except for SME that is. We're on pretty good terms now."

"You don't mind the 'Squinty' comments?"

"They're not that frequent anymore," He shook his head, holding the tumbler in front of his face."He's grown more mature since he and Karma split."

I nodded, frowning at his statement. There's so much I've missed since I've been gone. Maybe things wouldn't be so effed up right now if I'd stayed...faced the demons 'stead of running from them. Sadie wouldn't be in a coma, Vin wouldn't be so down about the divorce...things would be so...

"Do - Don't feel guilty, Jude." He says, placing a hand on my shoulder and under his palm, I feel my skin ignite and a tingle runs down my arm. God, it feels like forever since I've felt that. "I can see it you're guilty." Is that how I look? Guilty? "Maybe you leaving was the best thing..."

"What..." is he talking about? Here I am thinking that leaving was the worst decision while he's brooding about it being the RIGHT one. It's gotta be the liquor talking...

"I..." Spotting the source of music throughout the bar behind his shoulder. A get away. "I'll be right back."

I stand up, the room seeming to teeter to the side before straightening. With careful, calculated steps I make it to the jukebox. The first pages are crappy eighties music, the b-sides to the hit tapes. Finally, a song I notice: 'Billie Jean' By Michael Jackson. Of course I only like the song because it's before he turned pedophile on the music world. I do credit he did influence tons of music genres. Just...don't tell anyone.

I tap my heel and shake my hips side to side a bit, feeling the music. Quickly I choose another song, the fifty cents I fed the machine allowing me only _two_ choices, the other recognizable song on the next page. I can't bear to stand in these death stilts anymore. Ugh. I saunter back to the bar stool, singing along with Michael lightly. Tommy's in the middle of chuckling when I sit down.

"Nice song," He says, finishing off his tumbler. He gestures down the bar unnoticably. "I don't think they like it much though."

I snort, thankful that the bartender had filled up my shot glass again. I'm building up quite the tab. "They shouldn't have it on the list then." I murmur off handedly, getting lost in the tune again. It's just something about Michael...

Before I like, the song changes. I can't remember what I chose. Suddenly a sad, weepy beat starts. Oh. Damn. I can feel his blue eyes burning a hole into me and when both our irises meet - my heart picks up speed and I forget how to breathe. He extends his hand and before I realize what I'm doing, I'm sliding my soft palm into his. We make it to a cleared spot, that we guessed was a dance floor, and like in the movies - he twirls me before pulling me close.

His body heat envelopes me, or maybe it's just the love we have for one another, and we sway side to side to the beat. At the perfect time, it all seems to perfect now, he dips me. Slowly as I come up, our eyes meet again and instead of moving to dance again, I place my lips on his.

For a split second, I am still - the inevitable catching up with me, but after that second I am all instinct. His hands fisted my hair and I grip the back of his shirt. God, it feels like heaven, but better. I don't know how long it was, I know the song was over, but he pulled away. Both of our chests heaving. "We - we should...get," he gestures and I nod, getting the idea. I want him as much as he wants me. We hustle back to the bar, him throwing a bill on the bar top as I slip on my jacket. We're outside before I even have the buttons of my jacket done up. He pushes me against the brick front, kissing me with fervor.

I indulge in the sin, plunging my tongue in uninvited and pulling his waist closer to me. He pulls away only to lead me to the black Porsche, where we resume the make out. His fingertips leave a trail of fire as he brushes down my neck and my chest, while his other hand is fishing up my skirt. I'm half tempted to do him against the car, but I'm not **that** drunk.

I push him away, putting my hand over his mouth. "Your apartment..." I breathe. "Now." He nods, his eyes dark and glossy. A heat stirs in my belly and I open the door, slipping in just as he's beginning to move in a daze.

It's hard to contain myself as I sit in the passenger seat while he speeds, though it feels a turtle could beat us. I want to feel his fingers on me again, or maybe...in me. I bite my lip in thought and rub my thighs together. I lean towards him, running my fingers through his hair and licking the shell of his ear. I hear his breath hitch and as I latch my teeth around his lobe, the car jerks me forward.

Disoriented, I look around and notice we're at his apartment building. I step out of the car, trying to fish around in my memory of the last time being here. To my drunken haze, I don't remember it. The warmth of the building brings me out of my thoughts and as his hands brushes my lower back to lead me to the elevator, the heat in my belly spreads to my chest. To my disdain, another old couple occupies the elevator. I can't jump his bones like I wanted.

"Nice weather we're having, huh?" The older man asks me, a wide smile spreading across his face.

I nod, my eyes widening I felt a oddness wash over me. Why does he have to talk to me? "Yeah, wonderful. Winter's my favorite season." I murmur, hoping the liquor couldn't be smelled on my breath though I'm sure it could.

Suddenly, the elevator announced our arrival on his floor. Unlike most thought, Tommy lives in a normal apartment. No condominium. My bedroom back in my childhood home is bigger than his bathroom - which is saying a lot. The old man waves after me as Tommy drags me out by the hand. He's fumbling with the keys before I even have time to catch up in thought. Suddenly, the glossy black door swings open and I'm yanked in, my back meeting the closed door with a thud.

I fall easily back into kissing him, my hands tangled in his unkempt hair. His lips mold so easily to mine and I willingly accept his tongue. The fire that had spread to my chest, now engulfed my entire body. I wanted - no needed - his hands on me, his lips on mine. I finally seen what I'd been missing all these months. _Him_.

With an audible rip he tore my panties from me and he lifted me up. Automatically, my legs wrapped out his waist. With our lips still attached, I undo his belt and yank the button from it's hold. I toe off my heels, which hit the floor loudly, and push down his pants and boxers with my feet. I'm slammed against the door again before he enters me without forewarning. I let my head fall back, moaning in surprise and pleasure. It's nearly an orgasm in itself, but I roll my hips and press my lips to his, trying to contain it. I want this moment to last.

His hands travel down to my hips, stopping their movements and pulling out slightly before slamming himself back into me. I grip his hair tightly, my scream muffled by his lips. As he picks a spine tingling pace, my thoughts are too clouded to even vocalize the pleasure. All too quickly, I cum, my toes curling under and a new high note being reached. As if on cue he orgasms with me, his nails digging into my hips.

My throat feels raspy as I breathe in ragged breaths. I let my head fall forward onto his shoulder and I'm partly aware as he moves away from the door. Minutes later, I'm falling into a soft bed. I can smell the cologne I got him for his birthday a few years ago, making my thoughts hazy with lust. We catch eye contact as he stands up to move to the other side of the bed, but I grab him by the collar of his button up shirt, pulling his lips to mine. He falls on top of me, his hands catching most of my weight. It feels as if I've been starved, Tommy-starved, and this is my chance to get it while I can...


	29. Mix Of POV's: Tom, Nicole, & Kwest

Author's Note: Short author's note. THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS! Eleven reviews for the last one ...amazing. ;) Anyhoo, this was initially shorter than it's being posted as, but I thought I'd give you some different perspectives. It's Tommy's POV, Nicole's POV, then Kwest's. All of these scenes do tie into major events in the story. All mistakes are my own. Sorry if there are any, it's late. I don't feel like fixing it right now. Expect another new chapter within a few days. Enjoy! (**update: **I changed the name of the PR director of Vogue. I realized it's a bit too much like Jude's name too late. Hah.)

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Chapter Twenty Eight: Barricade

I woke up as she slammed the door shut. A note was on the pillow beside me, her sloppy scrawl recognizable even from my position. I don't want to read it. I know what it says. She'll apologize - like I really want to hear it or even read it - and she'll say she's not staying. Back to New York and her flippity life there as Samantha Harris. I groan and bury my head in my pillow. Unfortunately, it smells like her. I roll out of bed, snatching the note, and stalk off towards the bathroom. I read it, my guesses correct. Of course she's not going to stay. What do I mean to her anymore?

I ball it up and drop it in the bathroom trashcan as I relieve myself. I thought last night meant something, that she'd finally let me back in - that she'd stay, but that must've been my drunken stupor. Without flushing, I turn on the shower and climb in under the scolding hot water. It burns everywhere she was, I can still feel her lips dragging across my neck. I bang my head against the tiles lightly, how could I think that this would somehow change things? That things would magically change now that I fucked her.

Without thinking about it, my fist connects with the tiles close to my side. A muffled cry escapes as I hear my knuckles crunch underneath the pressure. I'm sure I broke something. I quickly wash up, not bothering with my hair, and get out, handling the towel around my waist with one hand. Just as I'm making my way back to my bedroom, the phone rings. "Fuck you..." I mumble out loud as it rings a second time. Who ever it is, I don't want to talk to them. The machine picks up on the fourth unanswered ring and I hear my recorded self speak the message to the caller.

"Hey, you know how it is. Leave a message and I'll get back to you if I feel like it - " **Beeeeeeep!**

I hear a deep sigh on the other end and even without spoken dialogue, I know it's Jude. I just know it. "Tom," She sounds formal, as if she's been crying. "I know what happened last night probably changed your perspective on our relationship, but it just put what I knew all together correctly" - She sniffles loudly and I can see her tossing her hair from her perfect tear stained face. - "We, we can't see eachother anymore. Don't call...don't try to find me...just..." - I hear her take a deep breath before continuing. - "let us go..."

And all it took was three words to break my heart...

- - -

I woke up to the sound of pounding on my door. Normally, this would've scared me, but since Jude's return to Toronto and the paparazzi's discovery of that. Well, let's just say I haven't gotten much sleep. I roll out of my queen sized bed, stretching as I wander down the short hallway. When I yank the door open, I'm surprised to see the paparazzi gone from the hallway and that Laurent Phillips, from Vogue's PR department is standing in my doorway.

"Care to explain to me why Samantha Harris is accused of being a runaway rockstar?"

My eyes bulge at his forwardness and it takes me a moment to fix my face. I'd hoped Vogue wouldn't hear about this, but who I am kidding? These people, and me, live for the gossip magazines and shows. "Uh, why would you ask me that?" I lean my head towards the door, scratching my head with my thumbnail.

"Because Ms. Gregory, you so-happen to be her best friend. Besides, who else does a girl trust like her mother?" He eyed me and I had no option but to let him in.

Shitshitshit. How am I going to cover this up? I can't blow her cover, this is HER story to tell. Not mine...

- - -

Her lips are pale white as I stare at her, willing her to wake up. No such luck of course, she might be like this a while, the doctor said. Even if she does wake up, who is to say she remembers me? What I am to her...what I **mean **to her? I honestly believe Jude can stimulate her brain to wake up. Sadie had been missing her for so long, she even talked about making a trip to New York to see her though she knew the potential of Jude's cover being blown.

Though that is shot to hell now with those fucking vultures stalking the hospital, hoping for a shot of Miss Harrison. Pigs, the lot of them. Talk National is probably having a field day. Hounding her without the least regard that her sister is potentially di - without the least regard to her feelings. That Lucas though, he seems nice. He reminds me of Tommy in ways, but he's himself in all the right ways. With that knowledge of him, I still root for Tommy & Jude. They're chemistry has been undeniable from day one. I just wish it'd been like that with me and Sadie. Sadie and me...

I haven't left this hospital since they put her in here two days ago. I'm sure I smell a bit funny, my beard is starting to grow in and my teeth need brushing, but I can't leave her side. I can't and I won't. Sadie is my other half, the love of my life...the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just hope she wakes up...and remembers...


	30. Omniscient POV part dix

Authors Note: Sorry for the delay, has it actually been 21 days since my last update? Hah. Anyway, this is mostly a filler. I don't even have the next chapter written up, but it's formulating inside my head. I do have a question, though. What do you guys want to hear more about: the situation with Callie, Lucas' sister? Spiederman confronting Jude about her disappearance? Or Jude finally opening up to Lucas about her previous life? Just tell me in your review!

I thank you all who have read, reviewed, alerted, and favorited the story. It's become bigger than I imagined. I don't own: Instant Star, Jude, Tommy, Sadie, Kwest, Tommy, Darius, or G Major. I do however own: Lucas Michaels, Callie Michaels, and The Good Stuf label. The title of this chapter is actually a song that Tommy will be releasing later in the story. I'd rather no one foreshadowed, because the song does incorporate into events that will happen. Anyway! Enjoy this update. Don't forget to review.

Chapter Twenty-nine: Careless Whispers

Jude tip toed into the rehearsal space, her fingers shaky as she pushed the door open. She was half expecting Lucas to be up waiting for her, wondering where she's been, but to her luck he was passed out on the pull-out bed. She set her heels down softly at the door and made her way to the bathroom. Wires still cluttered the floor from her impromptu recording session earlier and with a huff, she shoved them out of the way.

Without stripping her clothes, she climbed into the shower and turned on the hot water. As soon as the water began running down her face, the tears came. Slowly she sank down, curling up at the bottom of the bathtub and sobbing into the drenched black material. Sobs escaped unwillingly from her lips and she shook as if she was cold, but the water was burning her skin. Letting Tommy go was one of the hardest things she'd done. Writing the note and actually leaving it beside his pillow took all of her strength, not to mention walking out the door, but the call? It'd ripped her heart out.

Some part of her knew that Tommy wouldn't give up on the note, so she went on and left him a message. She'd wanted to explain _why_ she was doing it - because she couldn't deal with anymore heartache, because everytime she turned around something was thrown up in their faces about how they wouldn't last, because the intensity of loving him cost her too much - but she wouldn't, couldn't, tell him that. He'd argue with every reason she gave him and eventually, she'd give in and giving in was something she didn't want to do.

Sooner than she'd have liked the water ran cold and she climbed out of the tub, ripping the spaghetti straps from her shoulders and letting the wet, silky material fall to the floor with a slap. Snatching a towel and wrapping it around her body, she wandered out to where Lucas slept. Tears filled her eyes again as she thought about how she betrayed him; she knew he'd never do that to her. As silently as possible she lay down beside Lucas, curling up under the towel with her drenched lingerie still on. Again she began crying, this time able to control the sobs, yet still she shook. After what she thought was hours she'd cried herself out, draining her of any energy she had left, and fell into a deep sleep.

- - -

"Jude...Jude..."

Beneath her lids play a colorful dream while she slept soundly. It was her wedding day, and she was gorgeous as expected, but when she got to the end of the aisle - Lucas was there. For some dreamlike reason, she was expecting Tommy. A dreamy, handsome, glowing, god-like Tommy. Who was just waiting there to sweep her off her feet. Of course, as she faced Lucas, a ill feeling rose in her throat and as she went to say 'I do...' - the words that would seal her life forever - her eyes flew open to face the black armrest of the couch.

Sweat was beading on her forehead and she was sure tears were building up behind her eyeballs. "Jude, darling." Lucas' warm voice cooed from behind her. "C'mere..."

Even though it was not the man she preferred, she curled into his chest and sobbed softly. Lucas, who'd gotten used to the routine by now, stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, hoping that it would be enough. That she calm down enough to get her through the news he had to tell her. After a few minutes, she looked up at him. The reason she'd woken was from his shaking. "Darius called." He answered her questioning gaze. "He said he needs you at G major when you wake up."

Her head lifted from his chest and she looked around, the sun was shining brightly outside the window. "What time is it?" Her voice was hoarse as she spoke.

"Two-twenty five." He replied, pushing her hair back from her face. "He called at one." He disreguarded the blotchiness on her neck, moving his hand down to her shoulder to massage it lightly. His natural reaction to her appearance was just to _comfort_ her.

"Ugh, did he say want he want?" She rolled her neck, her eyes closing at his touch. His hands were warm, smooth. Very subtly she felt the callus of the hand he'd rarely play guitar with. So much unlike the callous hands of Tommy. The one that were possesing her body last night. Quickly her eyes opened, ceasing her thoughts before they went in that direction.

"No," He murmured, sitting up and bringing his other hand to her other shoulder, copying the others motions. "In fact he seemed quite...uptight?"

Jude laughed unexpectedly and her hand snapped over her mouth. "That's Darius." She said, pulling her hand back. "Of course he'd be awkward to you, you're the head of a rival record label."

Lucas nodded from behind her, placing chaste kisses between her shoulder blades. She turned, lifting his chin with her finger and kissing him lightly. "C'mon...let's go, Darius hates to be kept waiting."

- - -

Jude, disguised with a deep hoodie and sunglasses, strolled through the back door with Lucas following closely behind her. The paparazzi hounded the front of G-Major and rather than take risk in getting noticed in their rental car, the couple took a taxi. She'd requested to be dropped off in the back alley and the two rushed to the back door before anyone could see them. As Jude stripped the hoodie from her head, shaking her black hair out around her face, and pulled off her sunglasses, interns gasped and soon their voices began buzzing.

The decor had changed, the orange paint that'd covered the walls was now a deep blue. The old furniture had been removed and a more professional vibe had taken over the once laid back G-Major. "Oh, shut up. You all know I wasn't fucking dead." She muttered as she breezed past a few mumbling interns. Lucas followed behind her, taking off his own jacket and sunglasses. Now that she was outed, people knew who he was and he wouldn't take any chances on being recognized. As she walked with purpose through the lobby of G Major, not stopping to knocking on Darius door, Lucas took an observation of the walls. Jude's previous records hung in glass frames.

"You called?" Jude said, standing in front of his desk. Her arms were folded across her chest, the aviator sunglasses clenched in her hands. Darius spun around in his chair, quickly ending the call he was busy with. A wide smile crossed his face and he stood up from his desk, making his way round to her.

"Jude!" He cried happily, not having seen her since the night she left for New York. Of course he got updates from her over the phone, but he never realized how big of a space Jude took up in his heart until she left. His arms crushed her into his chest, and oddly, Jude felt real comfort as she returned embrace. She closed her eyes for a moment, reveling in the feeling, before stepping back. A smile that mirrored his own graced her face and he kept a hold of her hands as he looked her over. "New York has done you good, I see?"

"I'd say. Fashion may've been the right thing to push me into, D." She said as he released her hands and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. Without acknowledging Lucas, though he knew who he was, he returned to his seat behind his desk.

"Ah, yes. I've been reading your articles in Vogue...you're good with words." He complimented, pushing a few files from in front of him.

"Yeah, so Luke said you called and wanted to see me?"

"Ah, yes..." He sighed, his light demeanor changing. "The phone's have been ringing off the hook, mostly paparazzi hounding me for information on you disappearance and immediate reappearance unharmed. I haven't spoken a word to them and the hospital is doing their best to keep them from getting information, but Jude..." He leaned forward on his folded hands. "...it'd be best if you released a statement."

"A statement, D?" She scoffed, barely registering as Lucas sat down beside her and grabbed her hand. "And what am I going to say?" Her emotions did a three-sixty once again. She'd went from neutral to irritated within three minutes. "That I left Toronto and the spotlight because the man I loved decieved me? That I walked in on him doing coke with some whore? I will not make my personal life a public affair!"

Darius kept his cool as she raised her voice, leaning back in his chair with a loud sigh. "I know that, I would never ask that of you, Jude, but it is vital that you tell them what you're doing here...what you are going to do careerwise, because like it or not, you still have fans."

Jude sighed, taking her hands from Lucas and letting her head fall into her palm. "And what do you suggest I say, then D...?" She said quietly, thinking of all the possible rumours that would swirl about. She could already see the headlines and it was something she couldn't deal with. Over the past two years she'd desensitized herself from the spotlight, she wasn't ready for what the paparazzi could bring on. Truthfully, she needed a backbone. Not a literal one, but a metaphorical one. And a single name came to her mind: Nicole.

"Well, I already have something typed up if you'd like to review it...I mean, this is for your sake. You can say what you want, but this is suggested." He sifted through a few papers before handing over a plain white piece printed from his Apple computer sitting atop his desk. Her emerald tinted eyes scanned what was written, her lip puckering in deep though. Lucas had never seen her like this; emotions all over the place, he wasn't sure what to say, afraid she might take it the wrong way and send her emotions spiraling down.

After what seemed like forever, she looked up at Darius. "Fine, I'll release a statement..." She handed the paper over, shaking her head. Her eyes were unsure, but her voice was strong in her decision. "...but I'll be saying what I like, okay?"

Darius took the paper in his hands, balling it up and tossing it in the trashcan underneath his desk. "Sure, sure. Whatever you want, Jude."


	31. Jude's POV part nuef

Author's Note: The first bit was written with a sarcastic twinge. Obviously, Jude is not in a good mood. Hah. Anyway, I wasn't expecting to update so soon, but yeah. I've been listening to 'Stars' like crazy (the band's 2007 album: In Our Bedroom After The War was the original inspiration for this story) and it just came to me. The next chapter (Part Two) will be in a different point of view, unless you alls want it Jude's again. Just say so. Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter. :) Enjoy.

Chapter Thirty: Personal/Realize (Part One)

A little less than twenty four hours later, I'm standing in the studio where I recorded my freshman album, clutching a white piece of paper as Lucas stared at me wordlessly. He'd never say it, but he's concered and I don't know why. It's not like I'm decomposing. I'm not dying, at least not literally. So what I'm in a little bit of pain? That my sister's in a coma? I've survived worse, right? Patsy dying, my mother ditching me at seventeen, my label nearly selling my catalogue from underneath my nose. I survived all that, so what makes me think I can't get through a mesely press conference?

My eyes quickly scan over what I'd typed up last night; my claim and plea to the paparazzi. I'd rather be in bed, sleeping the day away, but duty calls and it's Jude Harrison to the rescue. Lucas' warm hand covering my cheek brings me from my thoughts."Jude, you ready?" He asks, his warm voice soft and husky. Something about the studio makes us speak in hushed tones; I feel as if I'm being watched by millions of eyes.

"Eh," My eyes lift from the floor to look into his. "As ready as I'll ever be."

I exhale heavily and as he brings my lips to his a throat is cleared behind us. I pull back gently and look over his shoulder to see Nicci standing in the doorway. Despite being indoors, a large pair of sunglasses adorn her heart shaped face, her brown hair flowing over her shoulders, covering most of her face. "I hope I'm not interupting anything." She said, not sounding a bit sorry. I know she doesn't like Lucas, her reasons not fully clear to me, but she tried her best to be nice. Still, there was always a bit of a chill towards him when she speaks.

As she leans sideways against the doorframe, it hits me that she looks like a supermodel. Something that just stepped out of the magazine we both wrote for. "Never!" I cry, brushing past Lucas to hug her tightly. It feels as if it's been a forever since I've seen her. Tears spring to my eyes as she clutches me back, her slender hand caressing the back of my head like a mother. "It's good to see you, Nic." I whisper into her shoulder, my voice giving away the tears that were harbouring themselves in my eyes. "I missed you."

"Oh, Jude, it's only been what..." She counted on her fingers, throwing up both hands after getting through three fingers in fake exasperation. "Six days since we last seen one another." She chuckled teasingly, but I knew she missed me equally as much.

She took a hold of me by the bend of my elbows, her pale grey eyes scanning over the 'outfit' I wore. A pair of faded jeans, a hooded shirt covered by a vest, and for the first time since leaving Toronto, I'm wearing a pair of converses on my feet. She clicked her teeth and shook her head. "What?" I asked, my eyebrows knitting together in the process. I know I don't have any make up on, but whatever. I don't feel like fixing myself up, it's not like it matters. Lucas knows what I look like and it doesn't matter what the paparazzi says about me, I'm Samantha Harris. And Samantha Harris doesn't worry about the vultures, she worries about little things like fashion articles and styling tips that come along with the magazine she writes for.

"Sweetie," Her voice is consoling; I don't like it. "You look afright. Never in New York have I ever seen you wear a skirt and...flat shoes?" My eyes drift to the side focusing on Kwest outside in the lobby who looks like he hasn't had a wink of sleep since he called me. She snaps in my face twice, jolting my gaze back to her face. The way her features soften, I can tell the vulnerability is written across my face. "Jude, you can do this. It's a simple statement. You get on stage, say at least like a paragraph then get off. What's the worse that could happen?"

"They ask something I don't want them to...something personal." I feel like I've stepped back a few years PR wise. I know I don't have answer any question they ask, but I don't like the feeling of being trapped. I shake my head quickly, brushing my hand through the air. "Never mind, nothing. I can do this, eh?"

"Yeah, Jude, you can." She places her hand on my shoulders, and shakes her head, still scrutinizing my outfit. "Can I at least fix your hair?" She runs her fingers through the oily strands, twitching her nose as it fell limply onto my shoulder.

- - -

At least one hundred members of the Toronto press filled the lobby of G Major. It was more than Darius or I expected, but I must continue on with the show. Experience has taught me they get vicious if you keep them waiting long. Just like the press conference that was held when Karma won Instant Star, a long table sat at the foot of the stairs with a white sheet covering the pressed wood. A microphone was set in front of one of the two chairs and quickly, I took the seat. My hair, now piled atop my head in a curly updo, brushed the edge of my cheek and my hand gripped the white sheet of paper containing my dialogue that I'd been reading over since I arrived this morning.

Beside me, I can feel Lucas take his seat and grab ahold of my hand. From the corner of my eye, I flash a smile and look out to the crowd. Suddenly, alls go quiet. I know they're waiting for me for to speak. Leaning forward, I clear my throat. "Ahem," My eyes scan the crowd, spotting a few recognizable people. "so, I know a lot of people have been speculating my return to Toronto after almost two years of being gone..." My eyes dropped to the paper, reading a few lines, then returning to the gaze of the crowd. They seemed anxious, as if I was announcing the birth of a royal family member rather than my retirement from the music world. "Lots of rumours have swirled about and I'd like to take this time to clear them up..."

I shift in my seat and Lucas thumb glides over the top of my hand, making my heart jump to my throat as I continue on. "For the past almost two and a half years, I've been living in New York as a fashion journalist, known to my friends as Samantha Harris and it was true that before the recent events and outing of my whereabouts, I was planning on returning to my life in the City. For the time being, I shall be staying here in Toronto, but I'd like to clarify that I am not here to ressurect my singing career or anything else." For a half a moment, I mistook one of the press reps as Sadie, my mood sink lower than it already was. "I am simply here for family matters and nothing else."

My eyes take in the crowd, quiet for the briefest of moments before they broke out into an uproar. Questions and statements were being shouted and as an overwhleming feeling began to build inside of me, Darius stepped forward and grabbed the microphone. "People...people!" His large voice boomed into the micrphone, making even me flinch. "Calm down. Jude will take a few questions before this is over."

I look up at him, mouthing 'Thank you' before turning back towards the press. They begin shouting my name, and I point to one man in the center of the crowd in front, wearing a brimmed hat. "Jude, is it true that you fled from Toronto because of your producer, and ex-flame, Tommy Quincy?"

My grip on Lucas' fingers tighten and I press a smile onto my face to keep from screaming. "I left Toronto for many reasons, Mr. Quincy had no say in my decision to leave."

He accepted the answer, the members of press beginning to shout my name again. I nod towards a tall, slender dirty blonde. Her blue green eyes remind me of Helen from the elementry school we'd visited a few years back. "I know you said before that you weren't here to, and I quote, 'ressurect your music career', end quote, but there've been rumours of an unfinished fourth album, even a greatest hits album. Is there any truth to those statements?"

I lick my lips, shaking my head, taking a deep breath. This is taking all my energy. "No, when I left my third album was barely finished though I gave Darius permission to release it. Since leaving Toronto I haven't worked on any music at all." I won't tell them about the music I did record in my loft. That music is for me, not for the public's ears.

Breathing deeply again, I point to a female near the back. "Jude, it was said you were spotted leaving Tommy Quincy's apartment a few days ago...early morning." My eyes widen as I try to keep my face in order. "Are you and him back together?"

Thickly, I swallow, my spit feeling like molasses as it slides down my throat. "No," My voice is tight as I answer, finding it hard to believe that someone had spotted me. I'd made sure that no one was around when I left. None of his residents were even awake. "Mr. Quincy and I are no longer together. For almost a year and a half now, I've been with this man here, Lucas Michaels, and I couldn't be happier..."

More voices began buzzing at that statement and as I looked pointedly at the woman who asked the question, I spot Tommy a few feet behind her. My breath hitches as I see the stubble the covers his chin and the sunglasses covering his eyes. He's wearing an old button down over a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans I haven't seen since I was last here. I can hear my heartbeat in my chest and before I realize what I'm doing, I've risen from the chair and began running towards the studios.

I don't stop until the door of Studio B is slammed shut behind me, tears falling freely down my cheeks. My knees buckle from underneath me and I sink to the floor, my arms wrapping around my abdomen as sobs escape my lips freely. I don't realize that someone else was in the studio until their arms are around me, pulling me into their warm lap. I keep crying, clutching onto their shirt. My stomach begins to hurt from crying, but I can't stop myself. It feels like I'm being torn apart, limb by limb, and I'm helpless to the action.

I feel their warm hand stroke my cheek, cradling my head in the other. It isn't until I open up my eyes do I notice it's Spiederman. Again it sends me into a whirlwind of crying again, unable to control anything. He lifts me from our place on the floor, carrying me into the soundbooth. Stepping up behind the second sound board, he lays me gently on the couch built into the indentation on the wall. I bring my knees to my chest, pressing my lips to the bone. "Jude," He murmurs, brushing my hair from my face. I stare forward wordlessly, our heartbeats and breathing bringing life to the room. I can tell he wants to ask me something, probably what they've all been wondering. "Where...what...happened?"

"I left, two years ago, after walking - " I cut myself off, not wanting to repeat what I'd seen. "I just left and...I've been staying in New York since...I haven't been Jude...I've been parading around as Samantha Harris..."

"You...you left? Just like that? Without word or...telling anyone?" I can feel his eyes on me, but I don't look at him. It's probably hurting him as much as it's been hurting me.

"I told Darius...Sadie, and Sadie told Kwest. Then Tommy ran into me about a month ago at The Good Stuf's artist premiere...it all went down from there."

"Why...why didn't you tell _me_?" He asks, his voice portraying what concern his face couldn't. "I'm Bart...you're Lisa...we're supposed to be like brother and sister. You could've told me."

I shake my head, closing my eyes against the tears willing themselves to fall. "I couldn't...telling you meant that you would've tried to convince me to stay...and I couldn't just come out and explain why."

"Oh," was all he could manage and I flashed my eyes to his face. He was staring off into space, his mid obviously reeling with unanswered questions. "So...you've been in New York this whole time? Do you know how many of us have wondered if you were dead...or if you just fell off the side of the earth?" His head snaps to look at me and I turn away from his dark gaze."Did you ever care about us at all? About our feelings? For the longest time Tommy was depressed. Do you know he tried to kill himself?"

His words sting me with a venom and the tears begin to fall again. No I didn't know that, but I can pretend like I don't care. Without letting me speak he continued on, he got angrier and louder. "No! You don't because you don't care about anyone BUT yourself! You go on to New York, pretending to be someone else, like the previous life didn't matter, but you cannot forget who you are _Jude Harrison!_"

Just as Spiederman was about to go on with his ranting, a voice broke our concentration, making me nearly roll off the couch. "Vin, be easy. Jude had reason enough to leave." He spoke, stepping over the threshold and into the sound booth. "We can't blame anyone but me..."


	32. Jude's POV part dix

Author's Note: So, I know I replied to someone, it slips my mind now, saying this chapter was going to be in Tom's POV, but I tried and tried with it. Truth be told, they all sucked. It needed to be in Jude's point of view, for some reason. I dunno. Anyway, this is sort of big chapter. Again, I couldn't - or wouldn't - drag things out. I don't own anything except for Lucas - my knight in shining dreams - and stupid ol' Cedar Brooks. Wooptie. Hope you all enjoy, reviews make me happy.

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_Chapter Thirty-One: Personal/Realize (Part Two)_

I could hear my heart resounding in my chest as Spiederman absorbed the information just thrown at him. His gaze switched from Tommy's to mine, his expression ranging from confused to angry. My breath huffed unevenly as I waited for whatever was to come, whatever it was it was going to be bad. "What?!" His voice was high pitched, uneven. "You…you were the reason she left? Why she ran away from her _home_? You fucking sat here for over a year, crying about where she went and how you wanted to kill yourself for her leaving, but yet you knew all along! What did you need sympathy? You're pathetic…" There was a disgusting taste to his words as he threw his hands up, shaking his head. "Then again, this should be expected, huh? You are forever hurting Jude!"

I had to give him that, Tom did nothing but hurt me. I kept my eyes on Spiederman's grey AFI shirt, listening to Tommy's response. "That's not…true. I didn't know why she left exactly or where she even was until we went to New York a few weeks ago!" He sounded exasperated and Spied shook his head. "Yes, it's true. I ran into her at The Good Stuf artist premiere. I got her to meet me then weaseled her into SME's performance," - I could feel his eyes on me, and the next words were directed my way. - "which I am completely sorry for. Jude, I didn't mean to disrupt your world."

I shake my head, feeling tears build up. "I don't need your apology, Tom." It's not like he's sorry. Not at all. I know it, too. Just as Spiederman's about to shoot off again, there's a knock at the door. My eyes dart to the veneer blinds covering the glass of the door. Tommy takes a few steps back and flicks two of the blinds open. I see Lucas's smooth jaw from where I sit and a glimmer of happiness grows. He can save me from this temporary hell. "Let him in." I say, standing up and smoothing my jeans down.

The door swings open and Lucas steps around Tommy, his eyebrows knitting together as he assessed the situation. He shook his head slightly, as if shaking off a premonition or a thought. "You can go see Sadie now, the hospital security has an 'elaborate' plan for you to get in and out of the hospital without being noticed by the paps." I nod as a surge of endorphins engulf me and I wrap my arms around his broad shoulders, burying my nose in his neck. The familiar scent of Old Spice warms me and I open my eyes to see Tommy staring intently at me. I play a chaste kiss on his skin before pulling back and peering into his eyes, my hands covering his cheeks.

"Good, I want to see her. Can we go now?" I ask and he nods. I hold up a finger and turn to Spied.

He was standing off to the side, his hands deep in his pockets. It reminds me of the little boys in school on their first day, nervous to meet the other students. "Vin," I say softly, so softly only he could hear me, placing my hand on his arm. "I want to explain things, better than now. Why don't we meet up for lunch?" He turned his head and mouthed 'okay', and for a second I could see how much my leaving hurt him. "I'm sorry, Spied, really I am."

Turning to Lucas, my spirits brightened a bit and I took his outstretched hand. "C'mon, let's go…" I whispered, stepping down of the short second level step. As I brushed past Tom, I could smell his cologne Aramis that I'd bought him for Christmas a few years back, making my thoughts diluted for a second. The scent had too many memories holding onto it. With a shake of my head, my thoughts clear and so does the air.

To my surprise the lobby had already cleared out, the only people dwindling around were interns and artists I don't recognize. As I walk out, I catch the eye of the reporter who asked about me leaving Tommy's apartment. Something unsettling rises in me and I quickly turn from her gaze, meeting the sun's rays with unprotected eyes…

- - -

All this goddamned air is drying my eyes. Normally, I would complain and bitch, but I won't. Only because I get to see Sadie again. I close my eyes and lean into Lucas' chest, rolling them around underneath my lids hoping to moisturize them. His arm wraps around me, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. We're speeding underground from Cedar Brooks, the old folks' home across the street from Toronto Memorial, to the main hospital. Like Lucas had said, the plan was very elaborate, consisting of us arriving at Cedar Brooks, ushered in and to the basement to an awaiting golf cart, then finally speeding through the tunnel.

"Back in 1890 this was built," Damien Rohn, the director of Cedar Brooks who'd decided to drive us over to the hospital where a few security officers were waiting to take us up to ICU, told us as he pressed the gas pedal to the floor of the cart. "incase of any fires or bombings during wars. The hospital staff would bring the patients to the tunnels to ensure their safety. It's been used a few times during World War I, but since then it's been mostly used to bring the sick ones from Cedar Brooks to the hospital without having to cross the intersections." Lucas nodded, probably to entertain the guy. Pretty soon we were slowing down, below 30 mph, and I lifted my head. We were near the Toronto Memorial basement entry. I scratched my head and yawned lightly, sitting up straight. As the cart came to a stop, a tall African man came up to me.

He was wearing the typical hospital security outfit: deep navy blue slacks with a white button up shirt, shiny black shoes and a holster that contained security necessities. Which only happened to be a walkie talkie and night stick, though I could imagine who he'd be beat with that. Was that to intimidate the patients that couldn't be kept in line? I snorted in thought as I hopped out of the cart, Lucas assisting me. "Miss Harrison, this is Perry. He'll be takin' you up to ICU." He grabbed my hand and shook it loosely before dropping it, where I took the opportunity to wipe it on my jeans - his hands were quite sweaty, and moved onto Lucas, repeating the action. "I'll be seeing you." He said before hastily walking back to the golf cart and driving back down the dark tunnel.

Perry, now menacingly taller than me though his face held no threat - in fact he was quite soft in his features, cleared his throat and nodded towards me. "Now, Miss Harrison, if you follow me - I'll take you to the elevator…" He said before turning and walking towards a steel staircase that led to a source of white light. With a light huff I followed, not even looking behind me to see if Lucas did the same because it was so expected, and tucked my hands in the pockets of my jeans. For once, I missed the clickity-clack of my high heels I'd taken to wearing.

Within minutes we were in a large storage closet. Filled with cleaners, extra toilet paper, sterile gloves, and red hazard material bags. It was eerie quite and I was sure I could hear the hum of the lights overhead. Through a corridor and two external halls, we were in another corridor except this one had an elevator. No one was around, but I could hear the footsteps and voices of those above us. The ding! of the elevator arriving nearly made me jump from my skin, but I shook it off and stepped in after Perry and Lucas, my eyes stuck on my chucks.

These were the same black one's I had on when I was fifteen. The smiley faces me and Kat drew on the toes were just a bit faded, but still visible. I sighed in remembrance and Lucas' hand covered my shoulder. He probably thought I was sad and thinking about Sadie. **Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place**_._ His lips brushed against my forehead, but I gave no reaction as I did months before. Yet, I glanced up at him, a smile playing across my lips. Hopefully, my eyes still held the light for him the way they once did.

Suddenly, the elevator sounded again and the doors opened to reveal a small hallway. It didn't seem like the ICU area; there was no beeping machines, no sickeningly sterile smell, in fact it smelled like Gardenias. Perry was on the move, so I raced to catch up with him. My eyes caught sight of metal plates drilled into the wall, names of specialist doctors on the floor. We came to a door with a glass plate and I recognized the nurses station. Perry, with his big burly arms that looked as if they'd rip through his shirt with a single flex, pushed the door open and the sterile smell that'd been absent suddenly hit me like a wave.

"You know what room your sister is in, eh, Miss Harrison?" He asked, his voice husky and a bit out of breath.

"Yeah, I do." I replied, nodding my head, the picture of the tan plate that read 3B flashing in my memory.

"Okay, then, I'll be waiting by the Nurses' Station when you're ready to leave…" He turned on his heel and started to walk towards the area assigned to be the waiting room. Reluctantly I turned my back towards Perry and faced down the hall where Sadie's room was. Slowly, I made my way down the hall, pulling the pins that held my hair up from the tendrils. Black ringlets fell on my shoulder, bouncing lightly with each step. Five rooms passed too easily and as I stood outside the closed wooden door, I doubted if I could walk in and see her again.

Lucas' hands brushed hair from my shoulder and rested there. I could feel my heart picking up speed, making me close my eyes and sync my breath with his. When I regained control of my pulse, I inhale deeply and turn to face him. "Think you could give me some time alone?" I asked, hoping I didn't seem too rude.

He nodded easily, kissing my forehead again. "Of course," He murmured, looking into my eyes. "I'll be out in the waiting room, okay?" I nod in response and he presses his lips against mine very briefly before turning to walk down the same way Perry had. Now alone, I turn to 3B's door and gather up my courage. Carefully, I push the door open and slip inside, letting the door fall shut quietly. **I can't force these eyes to see the end**_. _

The room is lifeless except for the constant beeping of her heart monitor. A white bandage still adorned her head in a metaphoric halo, her legs were still hanging, but there were less tubes than before. That had to mean something good, right? With my back stiff as a board, I stepped towards her bed. Once within reach, I covered her hand with mine. It was still warm, and as I turned her hand over to see her wrist, the tiny butterfly she'd gotten on her seventeenth birthday was still there. Words scratched at the back of my throat, yet I could say nothing. I'd had nearly three years worth of things to tell her about, but I couldn't breathe the words to life. Maybe because she was asleep, and it surely felt like she wouldn't hear me.

"You're Jude, right?" A voice startled me a few minutes later after I'd taken a seat just holding her hand. I looked up to see a short , slim woman wearing a white coat standing in the doorway, holding the door open with her elbow. In her hands was a thick manila folder, stickers stuck on the edges. "I'm Dr. Winters, your sisters doctor."

"Hi, uh, I am…Jude." It felt weird to introduce myself as Jude, since I'd been using Samantha for so long.

"Well I'd been talking with her fiancé, Mr. West, before you arrived in Toronto." She said while walking towards the opposite side of the bed from where I was sitting. A pink button up peeked from underneath the white jacket, which she had buttoned, and the glitter of a diamond ring on her left hand caught my eye. Engaged? She looked no older than 25. "In the accident, the driver's side of the car was impacted. In this occurrence, the seatbelt did little to help her, since the other vehicle involved was an SUV. Your sister was under as soon as she arrived at the ER and it was then, after a CT of her head, we discovered she had cerebral contusions. We immediately took her to OR to release the pressure on her brain. It's been about five days since her admittance…" She spoke monotonously as she checked Sadie's vitals and flashing a light in her pupils. "We, the other neurological doctors and I, hope she will awake within the week."

When she was done recording everything in the manila folder, she shut it and looked at me head on. "I expect he told you that familiar voices can stimulate her brain?" I nodded and she continued on, "Your voice, especially since she's been familiarized with it since a child, could be more effective than others…"

Within those few seconds, she's strolled to the door and turned over her shoulder to look at me. "Just a tip." She said with a wink before leaving the room. **If only time flew like a dove**_. _When I could no longer hear her heels echoing in the hallway outside the door, I turned to look at Sadie's lifeless face. Unconsciously my hand moved up to cover her cheek. It was warm in contrast to her pale skin. I missed her so much it hurt. "Come back…" I breathed, looking up at her with a helpless feeling shadowing my hopes.

--Two Weeks Later--

"Sadie?" I said timidly, my eyebrows scrunching up as an awkward feeling rose up in my stomach. For the past two weeks I'd been spending a lot of my time here, trying to coax her awake. It never seems to work though. She's still been asleep despite what the doctors have predicted. "Can you hear me?" Knowing she wouldn't answer I keep speaking, "I miss you…I wish I could've came back for a visit at least before all this happened…Remember when we were kids and you wanted to go to NYC after seeing Annie? Claiming that 'no matter what age, I'll find my **Daddy Warbucks**!" I chuckled at the memory, feeling tears prickling at my eyeballs. I tried to clear my throat, but still my voice came out a whisper. "It wasn't the same without you, Sades…nothing was."

I dropped my head to the mattress, turning to let my cheek rest on the cool of the sheet. Tears made their way silently over the bridge of my nose, falling onto the bed. Though it would do a number on my psyche, and I could only think of Sadie at this moment, I began singing. "_Well, I was…adrift on an ocean all alone. You came and rescued me - when I was far from home. Rush of-a love around my heart, just as I fell apart._" Tears still fell, yet my voice was as clear as glass. "_Nobody's ever cared for me, nobody's touched my heart and healed my pain. You picked up the pieces and put me back together again…ooh yeah, oh, ohh._"

"_Careful , we're fragile and easily we break. In your arms I'm certain, it's all the love we'll make!_" I stood up, moving to the foot of her bed, remembering when she'd torture me with the song - skipping around the house with her CD player on full blast, singing along: word for word. "_Rush of-a love around my heart, just as you take my hand…Nobody's ever cared as much for me. Nobody's touched my heart and healed my pain, you picked up the pieces and put me back together again_!"

I drifted to the window, placing my hand on a glass and peering into my reflection. "_I'll write your name in - stars across the sky. We'll drift away…into each other's arms! Hey, yeah! Hey, yeah ye-_"

"Jude?" A groggy voice that could only be recognized as one. I whirled around, my eyes wide and a smile slowly spreading across my face.

"Sadie?!" I squealed, rushing over to her and throwing my body on hers. "You! You're awake!"

"Since when do you sing Boyz Attack willingly?" She asked with a hoarse voice, trying to poke fun.

"Oh, since you needed me!" I cried into her shoulder, blubbering all over the place. I pulled back and placed both my hands on her cheeks to make sure she was actually there - that it wasn't a silly dream like I'd dreamt of before. She lifted her own hands and covered my own, the IV coming from her hand brushing against my skin.

It didn't take me long to see the confusion in her eyes and it didn't take her that long to pipe her concerns. "Where am I?" She asked, trying to lift her head from the pillow causing me to drop my hold on her cheeks and sit down on the bed beside her. "And not that I'm not completely over the wall to see you, but shouldn't you be in New York? Vogue should be…worrying, right?"

I bit the side of my lip; I'd hate to be the one to just break it to her, but better me than someone else? Right? Taking a deep breath, I took a nose dive. "Sades, you were in a car accident…" I let the ellipsis take it's place as the shock registered on her features. Tentatively she lifted up her left arm which was still bruised. "You've been in a coma for about two and a half weeks. Dr. Winters says you have something called cerebral contusions and you had surgery." I covered her hand with my own as she touched the bandage still wrapped around her head. Tears filled her eyes and I drew her into a hug. "I came as soon as Kwest called me."

"But…why? The risk of…" She pulled back, sniffling and shaking her head. "being recognized."

"Someone outed me anyway." I said, stroking her face and shrugging. Speaking of, I should find out who the rat is…

"Oh," She looked off to the window as she went over the information I'd told her.

"Look, I'm going to get Dr. Winters. She said to get her whenever you wake. I'll be right back, okay?"

Without looking at me, Sadie nodded. I quickly left the room and jogged down to the nurses station, my heels making all the noise my voice couldn't. I was back to wearing clothes I had worn in New York. I stopped at the curve of the station, gripping the overhead desk. "Call Dr. Winters, quick. Tell her Sadie Harrison in 3B has woken…" I said quickly, out of breath, and then I felt two presences at my back. I jerked my head to the side to see Lucas and Kwest standing like anxious school children.

Before the nurse could lift the phone, the doctor in question appeared from a door in the back. "Sadie's woken?" She asked and I nodded excitedly, a teeth-bearing smile stretching across my face.

"Well, it looks like everything's healing up well…" Dr. Winters said as she changed the dressings on Sadie's head. "So, can you tell me what you remember?"

Kwest held her hand as the doc began cleaning the wound while I stood at the foot of the bed with Lucas hovering beside me. I flinched as Sadie did, turning when she pulled dirty gauze from her head. "I, uh, remember waking up December first? And going to G-major. Darius told me I had to take some files to the Solid magazine office across town…" Her eyes squinted in thought. "Then driving Darius' Lexus through Toronto, the traffic was horrible, and I remembered seeing a Starbucks reminding myself to stop on the way back…the nothing. I woke up here, with my sister singing 'cheesy' Boyz Attack."

I blushed as she teased and rolled my eyes lightly, I could feel Kwest looking at me, but I wouldn't return the gaze. "Jude told me about being in an accident," She continued as Dr. Winters began wrapping her head in gauze again. "I have contusions?"

Dr. Winters nodded from behind her. "You have cerebral contusions, yes. Your memory seems to be effected, and as much as I know you'd like to go home and be with your family…it's best you stay so we can do tests to see if anything else is damaged." Sadie nodded, seeming to understand. Again, she got the far off look in her eyes and Dr. Winters finished up, taking her gloves off. "So, I'll be back in a few hours…give you some time with your family. ..when I do come back, though, we'll need to do more CT scans and x-rays on your leg. Don't forget the wheelchair incase you want to get out of the room." She stroked Sadie's cheek in a motherly way before quietly exiting.

"So, anyone up for coffee?" I asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence that settled over us after the doctor had left. Still the same old me.

Cue the eye rollage.


	33. Omniscient POV part onze

Author's Note: First, I'd like to thank the four reviewers from last chapter. Second, sorry this took so long. Life became interrupted for a while and this was sort of put on the back burner, not to mention I've been having trouble with writing anything creative wise. Best thing I wrote this week was a grocery list, no lie. I hope you all enjoy, it's made me mentally drained. There is no preview for the next chapter, but I'm pretty sure it'll be in Luke's POV.

I've decided that Gone will have at the most fifteen more chapters (I'm not completely sure) before it is ended and picked up again. They will be filled with drama, twists in the road, and fabulous Nicole moments. I own nothing, but Nicole, Lucas, Callie, and Eliana. Better in Time belongs to Leona Lewis and Instant Star belongs to Ctv, but you all knew that already.

**Update: **Thanks to AnAmericanMom who pointed out that Kwest was in two places at once. Yeah, he's not cloned or anything, I'm just a bit brain dead. Oh yeah, thanks for the two reviews so far. Uh, enjoy the newly revised version. Thanks again AAM.

Reviews would be nice.

* * *

Chapter Thirty-two: Go With The Flow

The twelve o'clock sun shone through hospital's plate glass window and onto the hospital bed the two Harrison sisters shared. Of course Sadie was still in ICU, undergoing numerous tests and constantly being observed by doctors and interns alike. She was hoping that she'd be switched to the adult ward, sooner rather than later. The doctor told her she'd had cerebral contusions and had surgery while she in a coma. At first, Sadie had no aversion to the surgery - it had helped her out after all - but she was having problems accepting they'd just shaved a patch of hair off instead of her whole head. "I still don't see why they didn't shave my whole skull." She said as she French braided Jude's hair. "I look so fucking weird…one little patch missing. Ew! And just think about when it grows back…" Her eyes cast out, holding onto the strands of Jude's hair. "I'm going to look so…ew."

Jude laughed quietly while she sat in between Sadie's legs. A grunt escaped her lips as Sadie began tugging again, trying to keep the braids as tight as possible. Normally, she'd never let Sadie braid her hair - it wasn't something that _Jude_ never liked done to her hair, but after becoming Samantha she'd learn to like different things - besides Sadie was in the hospital and it made it difficult for her to say no. "Oh, please, Sades." Jude murmured, feigning the need to itch her scalp. "You're gorgeous either way, it's like the gauze is a fashion statement."

"Sure, you're just saying that."

"No, I am not." She insisted, trying to turn to look at her sister until Sadie batted her in the head. "You really are, Sadie, you've always been the prettier of us two and just cause you got a soul patch missing from your head doesn't mean a thing."

Sadie was quiet for a moment, smiling at the back of her sister's head with tears building in her eyes. "Thanks," She murmured quietly, finishing up one of the two braids and immediately starting on the other side. "So, tell me baby sister, how are you doing with being in the same vicinity as he-who-shall-not-be-named? Are you holding up just fine?" She released the hair she was beginning to weave and gripped her shoulders, leaning in closer to her.

Jude was quiet for a moment as she contemplated how to answer that question. She didn't want to sound like she was hung up on him, but she was almost _dying_ without him. The last night they had together was one of the best nights since…ever. She remembered everything and there was even times she swore she could still feel his lips burning a trail up her chest with his lips. Not that she'd admit to anyone. She already had trouble admitting it to herself.

"Yes, I'm doing just fine without him, thank you." She lied clean through her teeth, surprising herself with the sincerity laced through her voice. "I love Lucas and I'm not going to go back to Tommy just 'cause he makes me knees knock together."

Both sisters laughed as Sadie began to weave the hair into itself. "What about your other love?"

Jude was confused by that statement. "Huh?" She asked, her eyebrows knitting together.

"Music, sweetie." Sadie replied, tugging to make the braid tight. "Have you done anything since returning?"

Jude contemplated saying no and keeping to herself the music she did in New York, but she'd already lied about one thing and she wasn't about to go and keep another something to herself. "Well, I'd worked on stuff in New York, my loft had a studio tucked away in it, and I've recorded one thing since returning home, but I'm not sure if I want to release it."

Sadie kept tugging and weaving, tugging and weaving. By then she was used to it, though she grunted a few times in slight pain. The lengths she went to just to please her sister. "Why?" Sadie'd asked as she began weaving the last ends of her near waist length hair.

"I dunno." She replied, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I'd hate to say it like this, but I think I'm doubting myself…"

Which was true, the songs she'd recorded in her loft were songs that were already written or nearly finished. But her new material had her squirming in her seat. It wasn't as edgy as it used to be, more softer, lighter even. And she was afraid that if she released that material, she'd be viewed as another Avril Lavigne: rock sister gone popster. She couldn't deal with the press, even if her songs were all written by her.

"Jude, you release the most emotional music I've ever listened to. It's beautiful and heartbreaking and…" She trailed off, trying to find another word, but Jude filled in for her.

"And all done with the help of Tommy and besides, the newer stuff is…different than what I'd've recorded years back. My fans might not like it…"

"Hon, your music is your music. No one can tell you what you're supposed to release or what you need to sound like. The music you release is influenced by events in your life." Sadie told her, looping the elastic around her hair. "And if you're fans don't like it? That just means they weren't really your fans, sweetie. I think they'd still support you if your songs spoke to people like they always have."

Jude turned to her sister and hugged her tightly. "I love you, Sades."

Sadie smiled, gripping her equally as tight. "I love you too, sis." She pulled back and smoothed one of the few strands of hair that framed Jude's face. "So, when are you going to let me meet the famous Lucas Michaels? I heard Kwest already has."

Jude chuckled, her cheeks turning red at the thought of Lucas who'd went back to New York for the day to get some things and check up on the label. Honestly, she wasn't actually planning on letting her meet him - she wanted to leave as soon as she was discharged, but she seen that wasn't an option. "Whenever you're released from ICU." She said teasingly, rolling her eyes. "He's dying to meet you." Which was partially true, since coming back to Toronto all she could so was reminisce with him about her crazy, bipolar childhood days with her sister.

Sadie laughed and as she leaned back against the bed, the door popped open to reveal Kwest standing in the doorway with a bouquet of flowers. She squealed at the sight of him, a smile stretching across her face to reveal her perfect white teeth. Jude scooted off the bed, carefully so she didn't move Sadie's broken leg that was finally able to rest on the mattress. "Well," She sighed, picking up the black leather tote bag that matched with her outfit as well as her hair. "I'll let you lovebirds catch up…"

"Oh don't go, Jude…" Sadie said as her sister leaned over her and kissed her forehead. "I want you to stay."

"No, spend some time with Kwest." She said, smoothing down the ends of Sadie's hair. "I've got a promise to keep to Spiederman anyway."

"Come back before the night is over!" Sadie called as Jude left the room. "This talk is not over!"

Twenty minutes later, Jude's rented black Lexus pulled to a stop off the corner where G Major stood. Her hands stayed on the wheel as she stared through the windows at the intimidating orange building. Dragging her breathing out, in hope to calm herself, she mustered up what courage she had and cut the engine before stepping out. With heels on her feet she felt more confident, it gave her height - more of an advantage. Swallowing thickly she made her way into G Major, biting her lip as her eyes took in the surroundings. Last time she'd been here the press conference had went haywire. It'd caused her to hole up in the rehearsal space with Nicole and Lucas, only leaving to visit Sadie or get necessities. Now, two and a half weeks later, the paparazzo calmed and she was able to leave the rehearsal space without being hounded to death.

She stopped short of the receptionist desk and stood there until the short raven haired girl noticed her. "M-Miss Harrison." She stuttered, her eyes widening at the site of her.

"Hi," Jude said easily, pressing a smile onto her face. "Can you tell me where Spiederman is?"

"He's, uh, in Studio A recording with Tommy."

Jude nodded, twisting the end of her braid around her finger. "Okay, thanks." She turned on her heel and started for the studio. Upon rounding the corner, she nearly ran into Nicole Gregory.

Nicole had stayed with Jude, claiming it her duty as her best friend, though she stayed in correspondence with Vogue. Lately, Nicole had been spending more of her time at G Major since Sadie awoke and Jude was sure she met a guy. Not that she wasn't thoroughly happy for her, she just couldn't let Nicole get caught up here and have her stay. It was bad enough her family was here, she didn't need another reason to stay.

"Well, long time no see, eh Gregory?"

"I could say the same for you, Harrison." Nicole wasted no time pulling her into a hug. "It feels like forever and I miss you."

"Same here, Nicci." She murmured, pulling back and grinning.

"You know," Nicole said, skimming her palms over her hair. "I'd love to redo your hair. Black doesn't seem fitting."

Jude rolled her eyes, avoiding the subject, quickly changing it. "Why're you hanging around G Major, anyway?"

Nicole's eyes flittered back into her head, pursing her lips together. "None of your business." She said, poking her finger in her nose. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have previous engagements I'm late for…"

Jude laughed as Nicole quickly passed by her and made her way to Liam's old office. It baffled her the way she'd been acting: much happier, real secretive, always whispering on her phone. It then dawned on her that she may've found someone, a someone she hoped was not deep in the music biz. She stopped at Studio A's door, peering through the decorated plate glass to see Spied singing into the condenser microphone with real emotion. It took her all but five seconds to relive her first four years in G-Major, crashing and burning to an end with the Tommy fiasco.

As if he knew she was standing there, Spiederman turned and waved, holding up one finger to signal her to wait. She nodded quietly, gripping the strap of her purse. The orange shag still lay across the floor, looking horribly tacky against the rest of the modernized room.

Through the glass of the sound booth, Tom spotted Jude, though their reactions differed greatly, like a knee jerk reaction to be by her side, to kiss her and just touch her. He knew she wasn't here to see him, but couldn't help to wonder if she ever thought about them because he couldn't seem to forget about them.

Tom cut the feedback to Spiederman's headphones and gestured toward the door where Jude stood. She waved, a grin spreading across her face, and Spied nearly tripped over himself as he rushed to let her in. He pulled her into a rib crushing hug. The anger, confusion he held because of her disappearance dissolved as they held onto one another.

When they pulled apart, Spied faced the glass. "Hey! Squinty! Lunch break, eh?" He said before jetting out the door with Jude on his heels. As they left G Major, he grabbed her hand and smiled over at her. Jude definitely had an whirlwind effect on everyone. For nearly two years it seemed dead without her.

Like the old days, they strolled down a few blocks to a small Italian restaurant they found back in 2006 just after Spiederman Mind Explosion signed onto be her tour band. Her blue eyes stared bored at the menu, scanning the items though she already knew what she was to order, purposefully avoiding his gaze. Truthfully she was afraid to lay it all out on the table. She rarely revisited her last night in Toronto or conjured up her list for leaving. They were plenty; the river ran deep and long. Just as Spiederman opened his mouth to say something, a green eyed brunette beauty stopped in front of their table, her pad and pen already out and ready for business.

"Hello, I'm Eliana. I'll be your waitress this afternoon. May I take your order?" The clear voice asked, her sights switching between the two. She recognized them, but wouldn't cause a scene. Already she knew the two had been coming there for some years, but it hadn't been since 2008 had they been actually seen. She'd been working there for a little over a year and a half, believing that the two never came in - that it was some rumor the owner made up to get business attraction.

"I'll, uh, take an order of lasagna, salad, and garlic bread instead of breadsticks, please." Jude said, as if it was the most natural thing to her.

As she opened her mouth to ask Spied what he wanted, his hand was held up to stop her. "I'll have the same as she." Quickly she penned the orders, her eyes darting to Spiederman's face again.

"Anything else?" Eliana's voice was a bit dazed as she stared into Spiederman's lighter green eyes. Her heart pumped in her chest and her mouth went dry.

"No." Jude answered, ready to just get the show on the road, though Spiederman looked as about as phased as the waitress had.

"Uhh huh." She hummed before quickly retreating to the kitchen, leaving the two friends alone.

Jude felt her heart jump into her throat as his gaze settled on her. It made her feel as if she were a child again, even causing her to shift in her seat. "So?" His voice cracked the silence and her eyes flashed up to his face. His expression was hard to read, but his body language screamed explain.

"Where would you like to me to start?" She brushed a piece of hair from her face, habitually running her fingers behind her ear as if to tuck it.

"The beginning? Where everything went wrong for you…why you felt like you couldn't talk to me…" He extended his arm across the table, but Jude made no move to touch him.

Several heartbeats passed before she could even bring the words to her lips, let alone spit them out. "It started just after Tommy got the call about his mother, you know about that right?" - Seeing him nod, she continued on. - "Well, he started acting distant and I thought if I went…that maybe because I loved him and he supposedly loved me, that I could help him get through it. But he just pushed me away and went to NB by himself. I know you remember when I decided to go visit him…"Spiederman nodded, remembering the day when she left for New Brunswick and coming back only a few days later completely changed. He didn't asked, not that he didn't care but he and Karma were so wrapped up that he barely had time to confront her, let alone the marriage that was falling to pieces in front of him. "Well, let's just say things didn't end well with us in New Brunswick and I came back a mess. I couldn't write or record a thing and I nearly landed myself in a hospital." He listened with fresh ears, though he knew the story from Sadie. "Those weeks leading up to his unexpected return, I'd been thinking about my actions and what it'd caused for him. I realized I was in the wrong, which is totally unlike me. I was ready to apologize to the man, but…"

She could feel the tears building up behind her eyes as she recalled the memories she kept so far away. She shook her head as if to shake away the feelings, fluttering her tear ridden eyelashes as she let her gaze wander outside the window. Licking her lips she continued, "I actually did. I went to G Major that night, hoping to make things right between us…but I walked in on him snorting…coke with another girl beside him." She let the words settle in the air, stinging as it seemed to echo inside her head.

Spiederman was uncharacteristically quiet, staring at a point above her head, letting the information seep into his veins. Immediately he scooted around the half-circle booth, embracing Jude. Tears dripped from her lashes onto his shirt, but neither cared. He stroked her hair, hating that he made her relive the moment. "I'm sorry, Jude." She shook her head, but he shushed her. "No, I'm sorry you felt you couldn't come to me. I know I was wrapped up in my marriage and reality show, but I would've listened. I was and am still your friend…Bart and Lisa 'til the end, right?"

She half laughed-half sobbed into his shoulder, a hiccup escaping her throat at the same time. "Right."

"So, you left after that? Just like…gone?"

She shook her head, withdrawing from Spied's arms. She brushed her hair from her face, grabbing the cloth napkin and blotting her eyes thankful that there was such a thing as waterproof mascara. "I called Darius after saying something to him, I told him I needed to leave. He agreed and after I called Sadie, we both went to Darius' place. There, I was given passports, birth certificates, ID's, even hospital records. They dyed my hair, gave me color contacts and then I was flown of to a city of my choice."

The two stayed close by each other, Spiederman's arm stretched behind Jude's head on the booth. "And you chose New York?" He asked and she nodded her head, smiling lightly as she voiced her reasons.

"As a kid, Sadie and I were obsessed with Annie. I loved the singing and she loved the Daddy Warbucks storyline…" She sniffled and placed her hands in her lap. "Well, anyway, after that we fell in love with New York City. I can't stand the cold and I didn't want a long plane ride, so, New York it was."

"So, how was writing for Vogue? I know Sadie was obsessed with fashion and stuff, but you? I never took you for a fashion girl…"

"Exactly." She said simply. "Who would've guessed Jude Harrison worked at Vogue? Fashion wasn't _her_ thing, but it was Samantha Harris's thing." His brows furrowed in the confusion and she smiled ash continued to explain, "I needed a job where no one would suspect who I was. I never liked fashion. My idea of dressing up was a pair of nice jeans, button up shirt, and a pair of clean tennis shoes. Though, as time grew on in New York, I kind of grew to love fashion. I could see the difference between a chain necklace and a chunky one. I knew what colors complimented my eyes and would bring out the color in my skin tone. I even had the chance of going to Spring Fashion Week last year."

"Spring Fashion what?" He gave her a blank stare as if she were speaking another language.

"Never mind…" She said and at the same time, their waitress Eliana stopped at their table with the salad's and garlic bread, setting them on the table. Quietly they moved back to their spots as she disappeared back to the kitchen again, digging into the food.

"What about Lucas?" Spied asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"What about him?" Her eyes were cast out the window again, gazing at a family passing by. Lucas was her life in New York, everything about him made her forget about Tommy, but it was like doing drugs. Lucas was the metaphorical methadone to her Tommy addiction, but now - now it was harder now that she had him in her system again. It'd be even harder to crack herself from him, but she knew it was for the better. She had to….to save herself.

"You like him?"

She shrugged, licking the corner of her lip. "Yeah, I mean I've been with him for about a year now. So, of course…"

And just as if he was reading her like a novel he answered, "But he's no Tommy, right?"

Just as she opened her mouth to answer, their main course was set in front of them. She shut her mouth promptly and dug in, her gaze never meeting Spiederman's. Throughout the meal, Jude tapped on the table sometimes humming ever so lightly. Spied noticed, but said nothing, expecting that she wouldn't answer back. So, he stared and wished he could get inside her mind.

"Spied…" Jude said softly, when they'd finished eating. The two were waiting for their bill, though it'd been ten minutes since Eliana had went back to fetch it. Her eyes lifted from the plastic mint wrapper in her hands. "Do - do you think you can help me with something?" He nodded willingly, not even caring if she was asking him to commit murder. "I, uh, need your help to…ah, write a song?"

He did a double take, making sure he heard her write. "Are you - are you sure?" He asked, eyebrows furrowing again causing her to chuckle.

"I've been writing all this time, but I never released anything. You actually thought I'd stop?" She laughed again as he nodded. "Dude, I'm Jude Harrison and Jude Harrison would never stop creating music. Even if it wasn't meant for anyone's ears besides her own."

- - -

Half an hour later, Spied and Jude stood outside the rehearsal space. Jude fumbled with the key as he looked around uneasily. The last time he'd been there, he'd walked in on Karma sleeping with one of the producers of their reality show. He wasn't sure how he would take it, walking back into a room with so many terrible memories, but he heard Wally and Kyle had fixed the place up. Sucking his breath in, he faced the door just as she swung it open. It was _definitely_ different. He shut the door behind him, his eyes dragging across the walls. The feel was different and he nodded in appreciation, reminding himself to thank the two later.

Jude hastily straightened up, throwing her suitcase closed and shoving the heels scattered beside the case out of the way. "So," She breathed heavily, whirling around to face him with her notebook in hand. "I've got like a million songs stuck in my head, but they're all just bits and pieces." She spoke quickly, pulling him by the hand up to the platform.

When they reached the top, she released his hand and let her notebook drop on the floor. The song had been on her mind for weeks since she left Tommy's apartment. The hiccups and sobs filled her ears as she remembered scrawling down a few lines on a napkin. It plagued her, the tragic yet hopeful tune. Night and day, day and night. "This song…it's like a track playing on repeat in my head. I can't stop it." She found herself saying as she kicked off her heels and stretched out on the carpet.

"You said it's in bits and pieces, right?" He asked causing her to nod in response. Her fingers flipped through the tattered pages of her journal until she found the page with the napkin paper clipped to it. She pulled it off and handed it to him. His eyes read over it soaking in the lyrics scribbled haphazardly on the crumpled paper. Lifting his gaze from the napkin, he smiled in awe. "Wow, Jude…it's beautiful?" He wasn't sure if that was the right word. Even from the half verse on the paper, he knew it'd be a hit almost anyone can relate to.

"Yeah," She whispered, staring at the ceiling. "I know the tune, everything…it's like it's written on my heart or something."

"Play it for me?" He asked, stretching his arm out. "You know the lyrics'll come easier if we play it out."

A smile eclipsed her features and she looked up at him. "Okay…"

Her fingers found the ivory keys, stroking them as she remembered the eve of her eighteenth birthday when her and Tommy spent time together. It didn't distract her from the task at hand, or even make her feel depressed, because she felt this was a turn of events. Maybe this'd be the thing to actually put Tommy Quincy and his closet full of skeletons behind her.

She started a beautiful yet melancholy melody, her eyes focused on the keys and let the music flow from her. After playing a few bars her voice took over, "**…****Who's there no one? Thinking that I deserve this, now I realize that I really didn't know-ho-oh-oh! If you didn't know this, you mean everything, quickly I'm learning to love again. All I know is…I'm going to be oka-ay, aye.**" Blue orbs found Spiederman sitting on the drum seat a few feet away from her, watching intently. She knew these words, it was as if she heard them a thousand times, like it was written on her heart, but when it came to writing it out…she'd fumble over the words. "**Thought I couldn't live without you, it's gonna hurt when it heals too. Oh yeah, it'll all get better in time. Even though I really love you, I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to! Ooh, it'll all get better in time…**" That was as far as it went for her, she couldn't bring anymore up. She kept playing the melody on loop, closing her eyes. Deeps breaths and sighs accompanied the music, until her mind flittered back to her first months in New York.

"**I couldn't turn on the TV without something there to remind me…**" Her first 'sick' days at Vogue were not really her sick days. It usually meant she was too depressed to get out of bed or even get dressed. Instead she stayed curled up under her comforter, crying her heart out. Plenty of times she'd have the TV on and the entertainment shows came on, flashing pictures of herself and Tommy; entangled in a kiss, holding hands, him caressing her face, even when Tommy was giving her 'the look'. Then they'd show her wrecked Mustang, her old home, Jamie's house beside it. It didn't bother as much when she seen pictures of Tommy with a petite blonde sleazebag. She found it hard to believe that he'd forget her so quickly. "**Was it all that easy, to just throw away your**…no." She back tracked, licking her lips. "**…to just put aside your feelings?**"

Her mind went back to the present, thinking of how just a few weeks ago, she'd ran into Tommy when she thought she was finally moving on with Lucas. It was a whirlwind for her, probably the beginning of her downfall. "**If I'm dreaming, don't wanna laugh. Hurt my feelings, but that's the path I believe in and I know time will heal it. If you didn't know this, boy, you mean everything. Quickly, I'm learning, to love again. All I know is, I'm goin' be okay-ay, aye.**" She repeated the chorus, feeling Speid's gaze on her face, causing her cheeks to heat , her pace slowed down and despite her efforts, tears pricked at her eyes. "**Since there's no more you and me…It's time I let you go so I can be free and live my life how it should be. No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you! Yes, I will!**" She leaned down into the piano, playing with raw emotions. It was as if she were digging a wound open, but the pain was blissful and wanted at the same time.

"**Thought I couldn't live without you, it's gonna hurt when it heals too. Oh, ho. It'll all get better in time. Even though I really love you, I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to…yes I do. It'll all get better in time. Thought I couldn't live without you…it's gonna hurt when it heals too.**" As she finished, the tears silently fell down her cheeks. Spied embraced her without warning and she hugged him, letting herself cry again. She now realized that it'd take a lot of crying for her to feel better. After being pushed down for so long, the emotions were going to find someway to seep from her.

"That was beautiful, Jude." He whispered, peppering kisses on her head. She nodded, her body shaking with silent sobs.

"Shh, girl, shh…So, I guess this is the first single from the fourth album then?"She pulled back from his arms, shaking her head. "No, I'm not recording again." She said almost indefinitely, though she wasn't too sure that was her sole decision. "What? Are you serious?" He asked and she nodded her head, causing him to grab her by both cheeks and make her look him in the eye. "Why, huh? Gimme one good reason why you aren't?"The intense look he gave her, shook her and she wasn't sure if the truth was able to escape at that point. There was too much honesty for her today. With a sigh, she pushed away his hands and walked to the edge of the platform. "Because, I'm Samantha Harris now…that's why.""No! You aren't. You're Jude Harrison. Always has been and always will be. Some little piece of paper cannot define you!" He walked up to her, grabbing her arm lightly and turning her to face him. "Music runs through your veins. You live, breathe, eat, sweat, and speak music, Miss Harrison."Her lower lip trembled as she listened to Spied's passionate case. She knew it was true, but her mind was on auto-denial. She was afraid of recording again and admitting that she was scared, it would be the second hardest thing she'd have to do. "I know," She whispered, afraid if she spoke louder, her voice would break. "it's just…I'm scared. I don't know why, but releasing something scares the fucking crap out of me."

"Jude…it's just music. Sure, it's different, but if your fans don't like it…then they're not really devoted."

She laughed, remembering Sadie said the same thing earlier. "Okay…okay." She looked up at him finally, with shining eyes. "Let's write some more…"


	34. Lucas POV part quatre

Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews last chapter. Like I'd said before, this is in Lucas' point of view. Despite my dreading, it wasn't that hard to get in touch with Mister Michaels again. I happen to love this chapter mostly because Lucas tries to be a man, and whoever said they wanted more Tommy - thank you 'cause you totally fathered this chapter. Despite the ending of it, I think Tommy won.

Because Thanksgiving wasn't a total dysfunctional bust, I'm posting this early. I don't own the song Decode by Paramore which is used in this chapter. It belongs to Zac Farro/Hayley Williams.

Reviews would be nice, please.

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Chapter Thirty-three: Case of the Ex

…Well, here I am back in Toronto, again. Only for the sake of Jude. Seriously, this girl has taken me on more twists and turns than any other relationship I've been in. See, when I found out she was Jude Harrison, I was shocked to say the least, but when it all boils down I can't be mad at her. She did choose me after all, though sometimes I still slip up and refer to her or call her Nicole. I can only imagine what Calissa's punishment has been, but it isn't that hard to. She's only feeling half of the wrath, but when this is all over, she'll get it from me.

I still haven't gotten the guts up to tell Jude yet. I mean, how would you go about and tell her that it was your sister who told the paparazzi everything she knew and figured out?

Exactly. You wouldn't.

Because I'm so lost in my thoughts, I nearly miss my three bags coming around the carousel. Hastily I snatch them from the cold metal, throwing the strap of the duffel over my chest and pulling the handles of the two suitcases out. I start moving immediately, the baggage crowd is not the place to be. This plan that I've got going has been bouncing around up there since I was sitting in La Guardia waiting for my flight. It's one that I must follow through with, for the sake of my ego and conscious. So, after getting my rental car and pulling from the Pearson's airport parking, I take the detour to the 'rehearsal space'.

The orange building isn't too appealing from the outside as the snow falls quietly. Of course, that doesn't stop me from stepping from the identical black Lexus as the first rental and actually entering. It's warm inside, that's a plus and the walls aren't that hideous shade of orange as the building. In fact, it's got a nice feel to it, not that I'd admit out loud. The Good Stuf will always be better in my eyes, speaking as founder and whatnot.

I stop at the receptionist desk, a petite blonde standing as she typed something on the computer. "Eh-Excuse me."

Her eyes lift from the screen and stares at me with this bored, blank stare. Reminds me of the Los Angeles girls. "Welcome to G-Major, I'm Alice. How may I help you?" She spoke in the same bored tone that was portrayed in her eyes, only with an English accent.

"Yes, I'm looking for Tommy Quincy…I suppose he's here, right?" I lean my chin on my hand, smiling at Alice. Rudeness never gets anything from these types.

"O' yeah." She said, her finger flicking towards the first studio, presumably their largest, nodding her head. "He's in Studio One."

"Why, thank you, Alice." I stand up straight and unbutton the top half of my jacket. "You've been very helpful."

"You're welcome, Mister…"

"Michaels, Lucas Michaels." I called over my shoulder as I started for Studio One.

I see no artist in the booth, so I don't see a point in waiting until he comes out. With a twist and push, I walk into the spacious studio. Tommy was sitting in the first seat at the soundboard, one ringed hand holding the headphones to his ear. I clear my throat and he turns to face me. Confusions sweeps his features and a smile graces mine. "Lucas, right?" He asks, tossing the headphones on the soundboard and turning to face me. I nod, but before I could continue, he cuts in, "What're you doing here? Jude's probably with Spiederman at the rehearsal space seeing as he didn't show back up for his session."

There's a slight bitterness to his voice and it makes me want to laugh. "Yeah, I actually wanted to tell you something." The airiness in my voice makes him look even more confused and I continue on, "I, uh, want you to stay away from Jude."

"What?"

"You heard me, Tommy." I shake my head, looking him over. "Stay away from her, she doesn't want you anymore."

He stands up with hostility, the chair crashing into the one behind it. "Excuse me? I don't think you have a right to tell me to stay away from, let alone of informing who she wants."

"Actually, I think I do. She obviously doesn't like you the same way you do anymore, so it's in your best interests to leave her the hell alone. I don't know the full story between you two, but I know enough to tell you to stay the hell away from her."

"Or what? Lucas Michaels gonna take some action?" He says, puffing his chest and getting in my face.

My jaw tightens, but he's not getting me though he _thinks _he is. "I'm a lover, not a fighter." I tell him quietly, nodding my head for emphasis.

Seeing through me, he chuckles. "You seriously think she's gonna want you when it was your sister, Calissa Michaels, who ratted her to the paparazzi?" He's got me there; I still haven't found a way to tell her.

"I'm not thinking anything, besides do _you_ think **she's** gonna want _you_ after you done screwed the blonde at receptionist desk?" The fire in his eye is undeniable and I smirk. "Exactly."

"Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Studio…now." He seethes and I openly am amused by this. I turn on my heel and start for the door.

"Well, don't you forget what I said, Quincy." I say as I turn around and wink at him. "Stay away from her." I shut the door before he can respond and walk away feeling completely better about myself. As I pass by Alice, I wiggle my fingers at her in a fake wave. It turned out better than I'd planned.

Be time I make it out, the snow has began to fall harder and already sticking on the roads. I grimace, but hurry to the car. Within fifteen minutes and lots of safe driving, I pull up to the warehouse apartments. The building is towering as I stand from the car. The snow, thankfully, has slowed and I can take my time grabbing the bags.

When the elevator, a very old and rusted kind that reminded me of my first New York apartment, stops on the sixth floor it's eerily quiet. Like, someone's going to jump out on your ass at any moment, but I remember this is Toronto not NYC. I flick the keys from my pocket, finding the tagged one Jude gave me before I left and unlock apartment 620.

Music is the first thing that hits my senses, then the aroma of Thai food. My eyes immediately find Jude, now with flaming red hair, sitting up on the platform with who I recognize as Spiederman and Nicole. "Nicole…" I start, walking towards the steps. "What have you _done_ to her hair?"

"Oh now, Lucas. Don't pout!" She says, standing up from her place by Spied and dancing over to Jude. "It's looks…""Beautiful?" I fill in for her as I reach the top of the stairs, smiling at Jude. Her blue eyes glistened in the light and it took her all but a second to set her food down and jump in my arms.

I hug her tightly, a mix of shampoo and perfume invading my senses. "I'm glad you like it, and, I'm glad you're back." She whispers into my neck and I stroke her hair, the feeling silky smooth.

"Same here, Jude." I pull back and stroke her cheek softly.

"C'mere, I want you to meet one of my best friends." She says as she pulls me up onto the platform. At the same as she drops my hand, she grabs his hand. "Lucas Michaels meet Vincent Spiederman." A melodic laugh escapes as he grimaces at his first name. "_Vincent_ Spiederman meet Lucas Michaels."

I extend my hand and she accepts, shaking it. "Nice to meet you, Spied. She's told me plenty about you."

"All good, I hope…" He glares down at Jude jokingly, his arm winding around her side.

"Oh, yes!" I say, laughing. "All good."

"So," Spied tickles Jude side as he gazes at me. "Jude has a new song she wants to sing for you because she's tired of wanting to sing it for us."

"Spie-!" He covers her hand and whispers something in her hear making her quiet down. Releasing her mouth, he elbows her towards the microphone.

Before I can say anything, Nicole is sitting down with me on the couch facing the two. "Shh," She hushes me though a peep hasn't escaped my lips. "This is a great place to listen to her voice…"

I watch as Spied cuts the music that was playing and turning the amp down before flipping it on. I close my eyes, waiting for her voice to cut in and when it does - it's bliss compared to listening to her prerecorded. "_How can I decide what's right, when you're clouding up my mind? I can't win your losing fight, all the time. Not gonna ever own what's mine when you're always taking sides, but you won't take away my pride. No, not this time…not this time._"

The vibe I'm getting; it's like a rainy day, grey and cold. Something I haven't heard since her first and second albums. Something changed around the third album and it was lighter, but I've always had a thing for her harder side. I open my eyes and watch her emotion-struck face. "_How did we get here, when I used to know you so well? But how did we get here?! Well, I think I know how!_" She grips the microphone stand, leaning forward as she stares at a point between our heads. "_The truth is hiding in your eyes and it's hanging on your tongue. Just boiling in my blood, but you think that I can't see what kind of man that you are, if you're a man at all! Well, I will figure this one out on my own! I'm screaming, I love you so! My thoughts you can't decode!" _

"_Well, how did we get here? When I used to know you so well! Yeah, hey - how did we get here? Well, I think I know how!_" She's beautiful when she performs, so natural and something about her draws you in. And once you're in, you can't leave. The red hair, I have to say, is sexy, maybe even beyond that. Her eyes lock in on me as she breathes into the microphone oh-so-sensually and I quirk an eyebrow. "_Do you see what we've done? We've gone and made such fools of ourselves. Do you see what we've done? We've gone and made such fools of ourselves…well, how did we get here?! When I used to know you so well! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, how did we get here? When I used to know you so well. I think I know…I think I know…There is something I see in you, it might kill me…I want it to be true…_"

When she does finish she's on her knees, her hair in her face, one hand gripping onto Spied's shirt, the other gripping the microphone and holding it to her lips. With a whip of her neck, I can see her face again. Tears openly stain her cheeks, but a smile is on her lips. She stands up and brushes her jeans off, placing the mic back on the stand. "Well, now that that's over, I have an announcement."

My eyebrows knit together as I try to figure out what she's trying to say. Nicole gets up to let Spied sit down, only to flop right back down in his lap. Like it was routine, she let her head drop on his shoulder and his arms wrapped around her waist. "What's it, babe?" Nicole says, nodding at Jude who's wringing her hands.

"This mostly concerns Spiederman, but…" She licks her lips, taking a deep breath. "I'm not staying in Toronto…when Sadie is released and everything has returned to their status quo…I'm returning to New York."


	35. Jude's POV part onze

Author's Note: Next chapter. All written and sent from my own sidekick. Seriously, that was the only way I could write this. Everything else just sucked. Anyway, I hope the ending is crazy enough for everyone to review. I worked hard on this. Don't hate Jude, she's just a little bit lost at the moment. She'll find her way soon, be patient. I'm a it so-so about the chapter, please tell me if the chapter moved too quickly or if anything seemed off. Constructive criticism is always helpful!

Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter. I do not own anything recognizable in this chapter, except for Lucas. Enjoy, all!

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Chapter thirty four: Bad Habit(s)/Two Wrongs

I timidly push open the door to Sadie's room open, she'd been moved to the adult 'quiet' ward a few days ago, and peered inside. Of course she was awake, I'd paced outside her room for nearly an hour. After I told the three my plan, Vincent brought up Sadie and it nearly brought me to tears thinking of the look on her face when I told her.

Over the past weeks since she's been awake we'd talked about New York, Toronto, G Major, and everything in between. And I know I've probably been leading her on, making her think that I was here to stay, but being here has shown me that Tommy is poison. Though it'll be hard to let him go, I need to.

"Jude!" she cries upon seeing me. She's sitting in the recliner, dressed in a sweat suit, looking normal as ever. All traces of her IV's are gone. I feel a smile stretch across my face and I walk over to her, pulling her into a hug. "I love the red hair again."

"Hey, Sades. Thanks," I let her go, ruffling the red curls, and grabbing a chair. I sit down in front of her, crossing my legs.

"I still can't get over the clothes you're wearing now a days." She says, gesturing to the white ruffle button up and high waisted pencil skirt. "It looks like something I'd wear."

I drop my bag on the floor beside me, laughing heartily. It's been so long since I've actually laughed. "You'd probably KILL me for these shoes."

Sadie quirked an eyebrow, eyeing the black patented leather closed toed pumps. "Jimmy Choo's?" she asked, astonishment evident in her voice and I nod slowly.

"Ohh, the things I'd do to get my hands on a pair of those...any pair, actually. How'd you manage to get a pair of those without looking like you're spending money you don't have?"

"Did you forget I had styling jobs with Vogue?" I asked teasingly, lifting my foot to get a better look at the shoes. I'd remembered taking them from a shoot a few months back - sometime during the summer I think. "We were allowed to take stuff from the shoot. I just so happened to be the girl with common size feet and quick hands."

Sadie laughed, leaning down to snatch a shoe from my foot and immediately placed on hers. "You know," she said, clearly admiring the shoe on her foot rather than mine. "We're the only sisters I know that has the same size feet."

"We've got Mom's feet...size eight..." We hadn't seen our mother since after her marriage to Don, making me question if she'd ever really loved us.

"So, I have good news." Pushing herself up from the recliner, looking down at me and smoothing her shirt down.

"Yeah?" She hobbles past me limping a few feet then turns like on a turntable. The shoe looks out of place next to the plain white cast covering her right leg. "God, these are gorgeous..." she whispered before looking at me. "I'm being discharged today."

My eyebrows raise, then scrunch together, as my teeth capture my bottom lip. "Ohh. That's good." I try my hardest to sound enthused, but truth is I'm terrified of telling her. The look on Spied's face when I told him nearly broke me and I doubt the look on Sadie's face will really do it.

"Don't sound so morbid, baby sister. I'm only being released from the hospital."

"I'm not morbid. I'm just..." I fish through my head, trying to find my words. "Surprised is all. You're okay to be released?"

"Yep. Dr. Winters says that my focus is good and my balance is right on place. So I expect so or they wouldn't be so careless."

I nod, trying to keep my face composed. How am I going to tell her? She'll probably be heartbroken, hurt, deceived, mad even...

"Jude!" she was in front of me now, snapping in my face. I flinch back, surprised at her closeness. "Where are you? Did you miss what I said?" When I nod, she continues, "I asked if you could call Kwest while I take a shower. I was told this morning when they checked vitals and I haven't had the chance to call him."

Again, I nod wordlessly. She kicks the shoe in front of me and I shove my foot in before standing from the chair. "Thanks, Jude."

"No problem, Sadie." I grab my sidekick from my purse and leave the room as she hobbles to the shower. The sound of my heels resonated off the plain grey walls and I dial the same number that threw me off track so many weeks back. It rang a few times until someone other than Kwest answered.

"'Ello?" obviously he hadn't seen the caller ID.

My breath hitched in my throat and I swallow thickly before responding. "Uh, where is Kwest?" my voice is strained and I grimace that I sound so weak talking to him.

"He's in the recording booth with Spiederman right now." His voice sounds so blase. So...even.

"W - well, can you tell him that Sadie is being released today? I think she wants him here when she's discharged."

"Yeah I will, Jude." Why does he sound so resolved? What's he holding back?

"Thanks, Tommy." I end the call before I can say something I regret. Quickly, I find Lucas number in my contact list and call him. After one ring he picks up, sounding flustered.

"Lucas Michaels," His normal way to answer the phone.

I smile, leaning on the wall of the elevator lobby, just outside the doors that lead to the hall of the quiet floor. "Hi," I lean into the phone, feeling like a lovesick child. Of course, those feelings were just the after shock of hearing Tommy liquid honey voice. It's easier to an act than I ever thought. "What're you up to, babe?"

I hear a few thuds on his end and a door click shut, before he answers me. "Hello there, love." He murmurs, sounding more relaxed this time. "I'm at a bar talking to a rock band by the name of 'the equation'. The owner said they're the next big thing and they heard of The Good Stuf. Can you believe that? They heard of my label." His voice drops and I can hear the eagerness in his voice. "I've heard a few songs and I'm thinking about signing them."

"Ah, congrats, Lucas." I smile, letting him distract me.

"Yeah. The lead singer said she's a big fan of Daniel Roughen."

"Oh, well I bet she'll melt when she meets him. I know I did." I chuckle remembering when I met Daniel.

It was my second or third time going to TGF and Luke was in the studio when I came. He just so happened to be producing Daniel and I watched the rest of his session. Lucas thought I watched with amateur eyes, but he was a really good artist. He called himself out when he didn't sound right, sometimes even before Lucas could. Not to mention his songs were like...sex on tape.

When the session was over, he came in the sound booth and he was so charming. Very flirtatious, which made me mistake him for a player. Any other woman would've fallen at his knees, legs wide open, but I was not one of those women. After leaving with Lucas later, I asked about him and he told me Daniel was that way with every girl but never really messed with them.

Apparently when he was younger, he'd fallen in love with a girl, but she'd left him for someone else and died months afterwards. It saddened me, but Luke assured me he'd let it go a few years back.

"Jude?" I snapped from my thoughts, jerking to stand up straight, remembering I was still on the phone.

"Sorry..."

"It's fine, hon. Where are you? The hospital?"

"Yeah...actually the reason I called was because Sadie's being discharged today. We can go home probably within the next two weeks." I smile in thought of New York and my loft. Even if I'm only fooling myself into thinking that is what's best, there are few comforts in that loft that I've become attached to.

"That's great. Do you want me to come up there after I'm done here?"

"Yeah. We're taking her home and you don't know where it is. I can't have you lost in Toronto." I chuckle, crossing my feet and leaning against the wall again.

"I found my way to this bar from the hospital didn't I?"

I laughed, stumped at his answer. "Yeah yeah."

"I'll be there in about an hour. An hour and a half at the most."

"Alright, see you then."

"Love you, Jude."

"Me too. Bye."

I end the call and stare at his number on the ID. It takes me a minute before I stand up straight and walk back to Sadie's room. I knock lightly before entering to see her sitting on the hospital bed, dressed in a pair of jeans, one leg cut to accommodate her cast, and a sweatshirt. Very unlike her. "Kwest will be up soon, he's in the studio with Spied right now."

She looks at me, nodding. "Alright," she pats the free space on the bed next to her and I walk over, kicking my heels off and climbing on the bed. "You know I never asked, me being so wrapped up in my recovery, but where have you been staying? I know you left the house key when you left for New York..."

"We, uh, we've been staying at the rehearsal space." I scratch the side of my head, knowing she wouldn't like the idea.

"The what? The rehearsal space?!" she looks at me, her lips pursed. "Why couldn't you just stay at, like, a hotel or something?"

"I don't know? I didn't have the money...I wanted a touch a familiarity?" I shrug, my eyebrows knitting together.

She slaps my arm lightly, shaking her head. "Well, when I come home...you are too. No if's, and's, or but's about it!"

It was my turn to purse my lips this time, adding an eye roll that earned me another smack on the arm. We both laugh before I turn serious. "I, uh, got something to tell you, Sadie."

She tilts her head to the side, confusion reflecting in her sky blue eyes. "What is it, Jude?"

I bite my lip, already seeing her face contort into sadness. "I - I...I'm gonna go back to New York once you're all better..."

She relaxes, placing her hands on her thighs. "Why does it sound like you're admitting you're dying?"

"I know you want me to stay in Toronto, but I just...I can't do it." I say quickly, turning slightly to face her.

She laughs and puts her arm around me. "It's okay, Jude. I wasn't expecting anything, of all things I understand. Just...promise to keep in touch this time?"

A smile breaks across my face and I throw both my arms around her. "Oh! I will, I promise." I cry into her shoulder. This went completely better than I expected. "And you'll have to come visit! The view from my loft is ah-mazing."

She nods and as I lean back onto the bed, the door opens up to reveal a beaming Kwest. Sadie squeals, standing up quickly from her bed and hobbling as quickly as she could to him. She fell into his arms, a struggled moan escaping her lips. I sit up in alarm, throwing my legs over the side and my feet directly into my shoes.

"Oh. Jesus, remind me not to do that again." She holds onto his shirt and with strength I should've expected him to have, Kwest sweeps her up bridal style and carries her over to the bed. I stand and turn to face them as he sets her down gently.

"Is she okay?" My gaze switches between Kwest and Sadie. Her eyes are closed and he's as calm as can be.

"I'm fine, Jude. I just got a little dizzy is all."

I nod, watching as Kwest brushes her hair from her eyes. "Dr. Winters told her not to immediately stand up after laying down and she knows that." He scolds her lightly, but I see the love reflected in his eyes and movements. The emotion overwhelms me and I scoop my purse and jacket up real quick.

"I, uh, I'll be right back." I scurry from the room before the two can respond. The tears prickle at my eyes as I jog down the hall, throwing on and buttoning my jacket while doing so. Seeing people waiting for the elevator, I compose myself. I smooth my bangs and the crown of my head before pulling the black beret from my purse. I make sure I'm the last on the elevator as I put the beret on.

The elevator seems to take forever dropping those eight floors to the main level. My feet begin immediately moving as soon as the door opens, taking me down the corridor towards the main hall. I feel the eyes on me as I run, the sound of my heels seeming to drown everything else out. I slow down to a walk as I round the bend, I stop at the solitary glass door to a quad like area, the strip on the door reading 'smoking permitted here'.

Outside, the first snow, which is late for Toronto, is falling lightly. I push the door open, welcoming the cold with open arms and jacket. With no haste I walk over to one of the benches set near the grass. I sit down, brushing my hair from my eyes as I rifle through my purse before emerging with a pack of cigarettes. Sadie would kill if she knew I smoked because our grandmoo died of lung cancer. Still, I light one up and savor the menthol taste. I look through the surrounding glass walls at the doctors, visitors, and patients walk through the hall, some with purpose. Some aimlessly or no care at all. Here it does not matter who I am for all they care about is hoping they or their loved one heals. And that I am grateful for.

I sigh, leaning back and let the tears fall freely. I close my eyes, taking drags every so often. The snow falling on my face, though the flakes immediately melted as it met my warmth, was refreshing. And be time my cigarette was at gone, I feel normal again. I crush the butt on the untreated wood, noticing the snow had begun to fall harder. As I stand up and turn towards the way I entered, I notice Lucas standing - staring - at me. His hand raises and he gives a finger wave. I smile, waving back and before I can go to him, he walks through the door.

"Fancy seein' you here." He says, a fake accent tagged onto his words.

"Same here, Mr. Michaels." I wrap my arms around his neck, latching my fingers together. He kisses me full on before I can say another word, his hand cradling my head as he dips me over slightly.

Thoughts flee my mind and all I can focus on is his lips on mine. I feel the beret drop from my head, but I just hold onto him my stomach fluttering as he tangles his fingers in my hair. Slowly, he raises me straight up and withdraws from the kiss, cupping my cheek. My breath is shallow as my eyes shoot open peering into his already open ones. "Sorry, I just..." he breathed shakily, the cold air making it evident. "Do you know how beautiful you actually are?"

I stare at him astonished, not just by his actions but the dialogue as well. It was something straight out of a book. With fresh eyes, I watch as he bends over to pick up the beret and replace on my head. A blush creeps my cheeks and I smile warmly at him. "So we're going back to New York...together?" he asked, his gaze filled with worry.

"Yes. NYC. Lucas Michaels and Jude Harrison. Who would've thought?" Not me for sure.

"Good." He says, pecking my lips. "Actually I was thinking..." I trail off biting my lip, not sure if I want to follow through with it. What happens if he doesn't want me on his label?

"What? Go on, darling." He strokes my cheek, his smile so reassuring.

"I want to sing again. It's...it's what I was born for. And well, I was...I was wondering if I could join your label and do a joint contract with G Major and TGF..."

He was quiet for a second. Pushing my hair from my cheek and pecking my lips softly. "I'd be honored, Ms. Harrison, to have you on our team." I chuckle loudly as he pulls me into another bruising kiss, holding the beret to my head this time.

We were just passing the third floor in the elevator when a young girl tapped my leg. She was holding, very tightly, onto a teddy bear. Her brown eyes were depthful and expectant - unusual for a girl so young - and as if I were Edward Cullen, I knew what she wanted. "You...you're Jude Harrison, right?" Stooping to her level, I nod my head.

"Why, yes I am. How can I help you darling?" I reach and tuck a strand of her brown hair behind her head.

"My sister...she's here." She stubbed her toe, looking at the carpeted floor. "She's got a cancer in her blood...she's a real big fan Ms. Jude. Mommy says she might not be with us for too much longer...and I know she loves you. She'd be so happy to see you...please? Would you come with us?"

My heart breaks as she tells me this, the emotions so easy to read on her face. It would be so easy to tell her no, that I have my own family to worry about, but something about the way her brown eyes glistened when she looked at me...I had to say yes.

"Of course, darlin'. I have no problem with that." I hold out my hand and she slaps hers in mine, giggling as I enclosed my fingers around her hand and shook in agreement.

My eyes shoot up as I feel a hand on my shoulder. It must've been her mother because her brown eyes were as depthful as her daughters. "Oh, Miss you don't have to do that. I know you have your own family to worry about."

"No, it's fine. I don't mind and I know my own sister would understand." I gaze back at the little girl, tapping her nose with a smile. "So what's your name?"

She straightened her stance up and cleared her throat. "My name is Priscilla Frank and this," Her hand pointed to the older woman. "is my mommy, Isabelle."

"Nice to meet you both." Just then the elevator sounded and Priscilla grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the elevator with her. Looking over my shoulder, I gesture for Lucas to follow me and just before the doors shut he slips out, jogging to catch up with me.

The normally white walls were covered in different pastel colors, handmade projects pinned to them. I glanced around, noticing the other projects. I jogged to keep up with Priscilla who was still pulling me along by the hand. Finally, we came to a long room at the end of the corridor. Hospital beds lined the walls, separated by curtains decorated with sea animals.

Priscilla let go of my hand, waving to the nurse who sat at the island in the middle of the room as she quickly made her way to the first bed on the wall with the windows. "Amelia!!" she cried, hopping onto the bed. I could only see the legs hanging off the end, dressed in hot pink socks, for the curtain covered up most of her.

"I have a surprise for you, Leah." I could hear her say and one by one, the children laying on the bed picked their heads up. My eyes welled with tears as I looked around at the bald heads and pale skinned children. This was a whole other part of the hospital that I never even thought of. I picked up my hand, waving to them, smiling more wider as I felt Lucas' hand intertwine with mine. It gave me reassurance.

When I came to a stop at the edge of Amelia's bed, I rest a hand on her foot and big, sad brown eyes faced me. This Amelia Frank looked no older than 16. It saddened me at the thought because at her age I was just experiencing my rockstar life. Her mouthed formed an 'O' in surprise and I smiled widely at her. "Hi." I say, waving.

"Hi...Jude Harrison." She whispers, her voice heavy and breathless.

"Your sister here tells me you're a big fan."

She nods jerkily, her eyes wide and bright with excitement she could not live out. "Oh, yes, I love your music. You're the reason I learned to play guitar..."

The enthusiasm in her voice causes me to smile and just beside the IV stand, I spot a black guitar case like my own. "I see. Can I see it?" she nods without hesitation and those brown eyes followed me as I pulled the curtain aside a bit, grabbing the case with one hand.

I pull the chair from beside her bed to a few feet away from her bed into the middle of the room. It'd be a real treat if I played for all of them, rather than just a few. "So, what's your favorite song, Amelia?" I ask as pull the acoustic guitar out, setting it on me knee.

Her lips move and seconds later, Priscilla says loud enough for me to hear, "Where does it hurt, she says."

I nod, sliding the pick from behind the strings of the fret board and beginning the familiar opening chords. As I sing, my eyes travel across the room making contact with each of the children lying in their bed. I looked at Lucas, admiration written on his face. When I finally found Amelia's eyes again, she was crying, but looked completely happy. Nothing could replace the moment she mouthed the words 'I love you', hugging Priscilla to her side.

After 'where does it hurt' finishes, I follow up with oldies 'temporary insanity', 'natural disaster', '24 hours', and 'not standing around'. When it was all over, I walked over to Amelia's bed. "I know this is asking much, and I totally understand if you say no, but could you come back Miss Harrison? I loved the performance, you were beautiful, but I'd love to talk..." Her words were fast and nearly stuttered over, but it was the first time a fan wanted to talk instead of hear me sing.

I smiled softly, brushing her forehead with my hand. "Sure, Amelia. It's no problem at all...I'm not sure I can come back tonight, but tomorrow I'm sure I could." An idea was already blossoming in my head. I just needed to call Darius.

"Oh thank you."

"It's no problem, Amelia. I've got to go to my sister now, but I'll see you tomorrow okay?" I feel Lucas take the guitar from my fingers, probably to put it away, and I place both hands on the bed rails.

With what looked like all her strength, she pushed herself up from the bed. "Amelia, no." Her mother said, rushing to her bedside and putting her hand on her back.

She took my hand and looked up at me. "Jude, I've loved you since you won Instant Star and despite what the media is doing to you now, please hold your head high. You are so much more than them, just keep releasing beautiful music and proving everyone wrong." She let go of my hand, letting herself lay back down, and eyes settle shut.

I looked at her stunned, before walking over to Lucas. "Let's go..." I whispered, picking up my purse. Before leaving the room, I turn around and wave to the Frank girls.

"That was a nice thing you did back there." Lucas said finally, when we were in the elevator.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I don't know, when I seen that little girl, Priscilla, there was no way I could say no."

Two floors up and we were on Sadie's floor. I walked quickly down the hall to her room, Dr. Winters talking to Kwest and Sades. I stop outside the room, watching as her leaned on his shoulder and his hand rub her back affectionately. I stared until Dr. Winters came out of the room, beginning to rush as her beeper went off.

"I'm ba-ack." Sadie turns at the sound of my voice, smiling.

"Just in time! I'm ready to leave." With the assistance of Kwest, she stood up and slid on her jacket. "Where've you been? I thought you left!"

She slapped my arm, the third time today, as she hobbled past me. "Shouldn't you be in a wheelchair?" I followed her down the hall, watching her back as she leaned into Kwest to walk.

"I don't want - don't change the subject Jude!"

"Alright, jeez. I met a little girl who's sister had cancer. I went and played a few songs for them."

Sadie looked over her shoulder at me, pursing her lips. "So, is that Lucas?" She nodded to him behind me.

"Sadie Harrison, I presume?" He sticks out his hand while Kwest leans forward to press the down button.

"Correct. Nice to finally meet you." She shook his hand, very business like. "So, what are your intentions with my baby sister?"

My jaw dropped, stomping my foot. "Sadie!" Of course she ignores me, pressing him on. I can see the blush creeping up his neck.

"I - it all depends on how she feels for me and what sh - she'll agree to." He pulls me to his side and I glare at her, but she just smiles. Before I can comment, the elevator doors open and she hobbles inside first. Shaking my head, I follow the two men inside.

"So, how're you getting home?" Sadie asks as we wait for Kwest to pull up at the hospital round about. The snow was still falling at a constant pace, the white flakes swirling and dancing through the air. "I'm sure you want to grab your things from the rehearsal space."

"Yeah, I'm gonna go with Luke so we can do that. We'll be right over after that. Okay?"

Sadie nods just as Kwest pulls up. "Okay. I'll see you in a little bit." She hobbles to the car and gets in, waving as they pull off.

"We're not staying at the rehearsal space anymore?"

I shake my head as we head to the parking structure reserved for patients and visitors. "My sister is protective and really hates me staying anywhere that's doesn't have a proper kitchen or bedroom."

"I see." He says, chuckling.

"I love her though. I think I'd literally kill for her despite our love/hate relationship."

"Just like Calissa, though I do believe it's more of a hate relationship. I don't think I'd ever kill for the girl..." I could've sworn I heard him say anymore, but I brush it off as he unlocks the car doors.

The ride through Toronto is some kind of strange and silent, so I decide to focus on the song I'd been writing since before Sadie woke up. The riffs, chord variations were all laid out just before Lucas parked in front of the old factory building. I climbed from the car and within no time we were returning to the car, bags in hand. This time he let me drive, my autopilot taking me to my childhood home that Sadie now claimed as her own.

Though I was expecting everything to be changed to a Sadie-esque type of place, the only thing that'd been replaced was the poor oversexed couch and my twin bed. I was grateful for the familiarity and when I came down from changing, Lucas was gazing at the pictures lining the mantle. Mine and Sadie's childhood all played out within the five feet of finished wood.

I stand behind him, placing my hand on his lower back. I see him smile and gaze at ones more longer than others. "You know you've got an array of embarrassing opportunities here."

"Yeah. I know, my parents were photo freaks when we were kids."

He turns to face me now, the seriousness washing over his face. From the kitchen, I can hear Sadie and Kwest talking back and forth as they prepare dinner. Lucas grabs both of my hands, gazing into my eyes. "I meant what I said in California, Jude. Even if I really didn't know who you were at the time, I know the feelings I have for you." I nearly stop breathing as he draws our hands to his chest. "I want to spend forever with you, Jude. I. Love. You..." he drops down to his knee, pulling his high school ring from his right finger, holding it up to me. "I really wasn't prepared for this, but...Jude Harrison, marry me?" My jaw drops and suddenly I feel like disappearing. Quickly I analyze the situation.

On one hand, I can say yes. Get married to Lucas, live in New York and forget about Tommy Quincy, all the while living a drama free life. On the other, I can say no. He'll leave me, return to NYC, and not want me at all. Maybe even bad mouth me a bit, not that I'd care, but taking that road puts me in a position to run back to Tom. And I don't want to do that. Sighing heavily, I swallow my heart down and throw on a smile. "Yes...I will marry you Lucas Michaels."


	36. Sadie's POV

Author Note: **This is going to be a long one, I understand if you skip past this onto the goods. **Well here is two of the three chapters that I promised. I realized the last chapter was taking too long to post, so I will be posting these two then posting the third one when it is finished. At this point I don't know when it'll be finished. I am making a transition to move with my father for Spring and he doesn't have a computer, so I am not sure how this will work. I'm gonna try to get my old laptop up and working again, but that doesn't have Microsoft word. So, I'm kind shit out of luck. I've been thinking of saving up for a Macbook cause I think those damn things are gorgeous. Everyone wish me a happy birthday too. I turned seventeen the day after I posted the author's note on updating. Hahaha.

I had fun with this chapter, with it being in Sadie's point of view. Though I'm not completely sure if I caught her _je_ _nais se quoi_.

I am going to finish this story, no worries about that. I see this story and think about it, even hear their voices in my head almost everyday. It's odd and sometimes nerve racking, but I'm embracing it. Everyone enjoy these next chapters, please review

Also! I am in the midst of making a trailer for the fan fiction and have hit a bit of a rough spot. Know how to make videos and want to help me make it look good? PM me, I do have a reward (which is the full list of the Album's that will be featured in this story and the sequel - meaning Jude's song list and so on and so forth).

* * *

Chapter Thirty-five: I Don't Care/Do Something

"I cannot believe her! I cannot, cannot, cannot believe her!" I throw my hands down onto the bed, letting out a frustrated sigh.

I just made it from the bathroom to my childhood bedroom that I now shared with Kwest. The posters that once littered my walls were now neatly tucked away in my closet and my old twin bed had been replaced by a black wrought iron canopy bed - my dream bed. The shower I'd taken was supposed to distract me from the fact my sister was going to marry a man completely wrong for her…or maybe the fact that she'd completely changed from her former self. At times I see a glimmer of the old Jude, but just as quickly as I see it - she disappears and becomes this...person. New York has definitely changed her and not for the good. Coming home and making her stay was a good idea because it's made me realize that I messed up when I told her that I didn't mind her going back to New York. Secretly, I do have a problem with it. I just...don't have the heart to tell her. Maybe if I get her to see that Tommy has changed, she'll call off her engagement and stay in TO where she belongs.

"Sadie, honey, calm down. Being frustrated is not going to change a thing." He placed a hand on my shoulder, leaning closer to me from his spot on the bed. "Besides, it's late and she might hear you."

"I don't chare if the Prime Minister hears me!" I stand up, yelling a bit louder. "She is making the **biggest** mistake of her life! And I am just standing by, watching as she promises her heart to another man that is not Tom Quincy." I turn and fall back on the bed, holding the towel to my chest. Despite their roller coaster of a relationship, it's very plain to see the two were meant for each other.

He brushed my hair from me eyes, leaning over to look at me. "I think that's her choice, Sadie."

"Kwest, You and I both know this Lucas Michaels is not the one." My face crumples unwillingly as the tears I've been holding back slide down my cheeks. "I just want her to be happy, and I don't think she's going to be happy with him. That glint that used to be shining in her eyes...it's gone. She is gone."

"No. She's not, babe. She's here, but Tommy hurt her pretty bad and for the past two years she's hid away from what happened. It'll take her a minute before she realizes what's right..." he lays back and opens his arms for me. I scoot myself fully onto our bed, holding onto the knot of the towel, and settle into his arms. "Hopefully, before too it's too late."

Suddenly an idea blossoms in my head, I pull my head from his shoulder, looking into his eyes. "You've gotta help me, Kwest."

"Gotta help you what?" he knitted his eyebrows, stroking my temple with his thumb.

"Jommy." I use the coveted celeb-couple name. Before, I thought they were meant for the celeb-u-tard couples, scavenging around Lala land for their spot on the front of some even if it was flashing their va-jay's to the paps or almost dropping their child - but when the fans dubbed them 'Jommy' I realized how cute it sounded. Of course, I never used it around neither Tommy nor Jude. They'd probably flip the bucket if I did. "You got to help me get them back together."

He chuckled, throwing his head back. "Help you get them back together? You do realize this is real life and not some modern, personalized version of Emma? Right?" Emma just so happened to be my favorite movie; Gwenyth Paltrow looked gorgeous in it and the match making was perfect. I swear, it was as if it was my life, set way the hell back before there was such a thing as routine bathing and credit cards. After I made Kwest watch it with me one night...or two (could be four) nights, he's decided to constantly tease me ever since.

I smacked his chest, pursing my lips and rolling my eyes. "C'mon Kwest, you know they won't make their way back to each other on their own...and you have to give me that much."

He breathed, contemplating what I knew he was about to agree to. There was no way he'd let his oldest friend - even if they weren't speaking - go on like he's been with Alice because Lord knows what he'd do when he finds out they're engaged. He'd likely go and do a Vegas marriage with the woman to spite Jude's decision. I got to get to him before that. Alice is not worth his time.

I really don't like the girl - maybe it's because those distasteful clothes or that snotty little accent, maybe both, I don't know - and I have yet to comprehend why Darius hired her after I moved to the PR department. The blonde twit knew what the fuck happened between Jude and Tommy despite her feigning stupidity which she pulls off too easy to be acting. She went around G major, discreetly asking what happened and what was going on before throwing herself at Tommy.

After what seemed like an eternity, Kwest finally looked at me and sighed. "Okay. I'll help you."

I squeal, throwing my arms around his neck, and kissed his cheek. "I love you, baby." I say, pulling back. "Now about this plan..."

- - -

I was going to wait a little bit before even putting the plan into motion. Granted, it wasn't my best, but gimme a break. I just got out of the hospital. But when I woke up this morning to see another chirpy Jude - which made me want piss myself or call up a priest for exorcism because of the early hour - reading a bridal magazine. (May I point out that it's only been two days since she accepted his proposal?! Even me, future princess bride, wouldn't so such a thing so quick. That's like buying seat covers for your new car before even buying it.) Normally, I wouldn't mind. I probably would've grabbed a chair and gushed over the different dresses in the book, but this seemed like an alternate universe. Someone give me a reality check, please.

"So, Samantha, you want anything to eat?" I watch the side of her face as, with no difference in emotion, she read the magazine before answering me without lifting her nose.

"Ah, no thank you. I had a grapefruit earlier." I stare at her incredulously, my teeth gritting together. She actually answered to the name, though I shouldn't be mad. She'd been living as Samantha Harris for a while...too long in fact.

I move to the stove, grabbing some eggs and starting up one of the flames. I set - slam - the frying pan down and after cracking then scrambling eggs, I turn to face her, putting all my weight on my good leg. My hand found my hip and I found my lip puckering. "Jude." I watch as she continued to read the book as if she was oblivious to me - her sister - calling her name. "Jude...Jude. Jude!"

She flinched as I raised my voice, her blue eyes seemed surprised to see me standing in the kitchen. "What?"

"So, I know you said that you want to go back to NYC, but I want at least one last hurrah before you go. I know it'll be at least a week before you leave, though I wish you'd stay for Christmas."

"I know, Sadie, but you know I can't. And one last hurrah?"

"Yeah, we should go out. Like you, me, Kwest, Nicci, Spied, Wally, Kyle, Darius, Jamie, Zep..."

"Lucas, too?"

"Oh, of course." I smile sweetly, with an evil undertone, as I turn to flip the eggs. "You don't mind karaoke do you?"

I make sure my back is towards her so she doesn't see my scheming face. "Karaoke, Sades?"

"Either that or bowling." And we all know for a fact an uncoordinated Jude can't do bowling. I hear a groan then a mumble of acceptance.

"You really want to karaoke, Sadie? No offense or anything, but you've never really had a voice like that."

I chuckle, sliding the eggs onto a plate. She doesn't know about the secret voice lessons I began taking after the horrible Latin quartet. Portia was right about the lessons because I actually sound quite good now. It'll be a surprise when I do bust out in song and it doesn't sound like a cat dying. "None taken, but you'd be surprised at what changes." I hop onto the counter of the island and stab a fork into the yolk, my eyes on Jude as a wide smile spreads across my face.

After a few minutes of silence, she speaks, "So, do you think you could drive me to G-major?" I nearly drop my fork as she utters the record label she was formerly employed at. My brow crinkles and a smiles pokes at her cheeks as she watches me.

"G-major? What could possibly be at G-major for you?"

"Oh, I just want to talk to Darius." She nods and lifts the mug of coffee to her lips, taking in a long pull. Something about the tone of her voice, it just sets me off.

- - -

She has the essence of chique now and I can't deny it. It's as if she's become the more...girlish one. She's grown up so much, but in some ways not for the better sake. As I watch her, with curious eyes, enter Darius' office I see Alice approaching me. "Shouldn't you be working?" I ask before she can even speak.

She closes her small, glossed mouth before reopening it. "What is _she_ doin' here?" Her thumb with chipped green nail polish, gestured toward Darius' lair.

"Does it matter? I don't think you get paid to snoop around, Ms. Mckinley. The phone does need answering."

She turned towards me but I stayed facing his office, just as curious as she about Jude's intentions...only for different reasons. She had clause to worry about Tom, which she should, while I was worried for her career...or whatever she was speaking to him about. For all I know she could be arranging another runaway to some foreign country where I'll never find her. Finally I remember Alice when her platform heel meets the floor. "You're on thin ice, Alice. Losing your job isn't on your weeks agenda I believe." Her jaw is set as tell her off and before she can say another word, Tommy emerges from Studio A. I hobble to him, smiling at how much I don't need those damn crutches.

"Tom. Wait." He stopped turned around to face me, tapping a manila folder on his fingers.

"What's up, Sades?" His expression was wary, like I was going to ravage him like a lion at any second. Oh yeah. Rawr, Tom, rawr.

"We should, uh, talk. Want to meet up for dinner?" The look he gets sends me into a gale of laughter. "No worries, Tommy boy. It's not a date. I just...want to talk."

"You never want to 'just talk', Sadie. Your words are usually double sided."

"Only seldom these days. C'mon, what's dinner gonna hurt? Please?" I pucker my bottom lip slightly. "Don't add insult to my injuries."

He sighs and chuckles darkly under his breath. "Fine. Meet me at Le Blanc's tomorrow...at eight." With that he spun on his heel and retreated back to the Studio. "And...Sadie?" I turn and look over my shoulder from where he called my name.

"Hmm?"

"Fire Alice for...all of us? It's like sticking pins under my nails anymore. I'd be...really thankful."

I smile in his direction, nodding. "No problem, eh? It'd be my pleasure…" I turned a quarter of the way around, my hair flying over my shoulder and settling on my back. "Oh and see you at eight, Quincy."

- - -

Freakishly enough after we had our first snow, it got unreasonably warm for this time part of the year in Canada. I hated seeing the wet sidewalks, the only remainder of the white snow that covered the city beautifully. The sky was dark when I walked into the restaurant, my eyes searching for the face I'd grown familiar with at a young age. A relieved smile spread across my face as I spotted him, hobbling over to his table. He stood up when he seen me, a forced smile covering his normally tight features. Like the gentlemen I never noticed he was, he pulled my chair out and waited until I sat to take his seat.

"It isn't that I'm not happy to see you, Sadie, but why now? Why after all this time?"

I flex the leg still wrapped in the cast, sighing in relief. My eyes flash to his face. "Because, Tommy, my baby sister decided to get engaged." The glass of wine that he was bringing to his lips, fell from his hand and into his lap. He turned sheet white and gaped openly as he reached to clean up the spilt wine.

"Sh-she what? Engaged...to...Lucas?" He stammered, dabbing at his lap with the napkin. His blue eyes betrayed shock, horror, disbelief, sadness, anger, and a mix of other emotions that I couldn't read. Then suddenly, he was mumbling fast and quiet. "And if that little fucker thinks I'm gonna stay away from her now, he's got it twisted. I can't believe she'd do that." His head snapped up, his eyes worried, and for - what felt like the first time - I really seen how much he loved my sister. There was no denying it now. "Is she serious?"

"It seems like it. It's been four days, Tom. She's reading bridal magazines and humming _The Shirelles_."

After a long pause in which he stared out the window, he looked at me and spoke, "Shouldn't you be all for this though? I mean you did let her go off to New York."

I shake my head. That was a twisted thing everyone had now-a-days. "No, I didn't. She only told me she was leaving and let me come with her while she and Darius' team transformed her into..."

"Samantha." We both say the name in disgust simultaneously and I press my fingers to my forehead.

"Tommy, despite how I've acted these past years I never really held anything again-"

"Oh please, Sadie. It was plain to see how you felt. Any retard could see that."

"No. At first, I was mad. Okay? I admitted it." I stared him down. Never in my whole life will the image of Jude completely broken down over him wipe from my memory. "It seemed as if you hurt her beyond repair and I couldn't bear to see her like that. So I let her go. I let the news of her apparent disappearance leak, I let the investigations go on fruitlessly, I made sure her world in NYC was a sheltered little cocoon before she arrived. I never really knew what exactly happened or anything with her because if we talked frequently, it'd look like something was up, but I always thought she'd come back, Quincy. Never did I think she'd go and date an industry guy again. But if I could go back and take everything back, I would. I'd make her stay and hash it out with you..."

His eyes glistened in the dim lighting of the restaurant and he appreciatively smiled. "There's nothing you can do, Sadie...her mind is made up. A ring he bought is on her finger." I tried to shake my head, but he shushed me before I could get a word in. "Besides, Sadie. She really doesn't like me, let alone want to be in my presence. She's not singing any-"

"Ah. Ah. Ah. Don't say that too quickly, Darius actually has me drawing up a joint contract for Jude between G-Major and The Good Stuf Records." His brows rose at that and I nod my head pressing my lips together. "She didn't even tell me she was gonna start singing again. I had to find out when Darius told me."

"So what does all this have to do with me?"

"We both know Lucas and Jude don't...mesh well together." I fumble with the napkin in my lap. "And even back when I tried to get with you I seen you only had eyes for her, you still do. And I don't have a liking for that man..."

He chuckled, leaning back in his chair. "And what? You're gonna play matchmaker Sadie?" I nod, smiling wickedly. "And just how do you expect her to be within the same vicinity as me?"

"Well, I told her that I want all of us to go out one last time before she leaves, you know? Nicole, Spied, Kwest, Darius, Wally....you."

"Me?"

"Yep. It's a karaoke bar. Liquor, music...Jude..."

His eyes floated out the window, biting his lip and seeming to contemplate what I'd laid out before him. "I-I don't know, Sadie..."

I was so not short of begging, which seemed like what I had to do. "C'mon Tom. It's pretty obvious you miss her." I smile, shrugging a shoulder and leaning into the table. "I think I can get you two back together."

"You'd do that? For me?"

"Not just for you, Quince. Don't be so vain. I'm doing this for us as well." I smile wickedly, reaching for the menu near my elbow, flipping the laminated folder open.

"So, what does this plan involve...Emma?"

I can feel cheeks flush a bright red. Damn Kwest and his big mouth. "Shut up. And it involves liquor, a list of favorite songs, and the man that knows nothing about my sister. Oh and of course, you. You're a big part in this."

"Are you sure it'll work?" He asks and for right now, I'm pretty sure. Jude isn't that smart, right? She won't catch on if he shows up.

A wide smile spreads across my face as I extend my hand across the table to shake on it. "As sure as my name is Sadie Noelle Harrison." He nods, pursing his lips in a sort-of smile, and shakes my hand tightly.


	37. Omniscient POV part douze

Songs that I do not own mentioned in this chapter: Get Back by Demi Lovato; Still the One by Ka'au Crater Boys; Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard; If I never see your face again by Adam Levine from Maroon 5 and Rhianna; Seven Nation Army by The Who; Favorite Things by Rogers & Hammerstein.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-six: When I'm Gone

The neon lights of Fletcher's, the bar Sadie had chosen for their fiasco, seemed to taunt Jude as she stood outside clutching onto Lucas' hand as they waited for the others to show. Sadie and Kwest were coming from the hospital where Sadie'd gotten her brace off her leg, Spied had left with one of their rental cars to pick up Nicole then Kyle and Wally, Jamie and Zeppelin rounded the corner a second time still searching for a suitable parking spot for his car. Jude had no idea that at that moment Tommy was waiting to leave his apartment in a half assed attempt to be 'unnoticeably' late. Darius on the other hand, who'd shown up early as they did, stood outside visibly bothered by the cold but obviously not enough to go inside. The few times Jude did ask, he replied with a curt "I'm waiting for someone." before letting his eyes dart back to the busy street. Normally, Jude would've had herself inside, huddling for warmth, but she stayed outside for the sheer fact she could chain smoke.

They were leaving in four days, Christmas Eve to be exact, but the timeframe was open for her. She could leave anytime she wanted, but Sadie's pleading eyes and the small performance she'd planned - which had already sold out - to reintroduce her back to the music world was just a few days away. She could suck it up and take it like a man who bled every month...or so she hoped.

Since resigning her contract with G-Major, she'd been recording in Studio B with Lucas co-producing. It was hard for her, being so close to Tommy, but she'd tried her best and it was until Lucas noticed her distraction level whenever said man was in the hospitality did he rent a studio across town in a completely different building then G-Major. So far they'd gotten about five songs finished, none of them she found suitable as her first single released, but Lucas couldn't - or maybe wouldn't - take a hint that she wouldn't disclose information on who or what her songs were about. They were personal, but impersonal all at the same time.

As she stood next to Lucas and Darius, quietly breathing in the menthol nicotine and letting the riffs of another song she'd been writing on play through her head. It was a more upbeat melody than her most recent songs; she knew when she would go to sing the song, it wouldn't feel like she was screaming the lyrics rather than singing it. Her head snapped up from her feet when she heard Darius mutter a "Finally," under his breath to see Georgia stepping from a grey town car. A smile broke out across her face as she approached the trio, but slowly drifted southward as she seen her embrace and kiss Darius in a more than friendly way.

"Jude!" She cried, pulling away from Darius' embrace and walking to sweep her into a hug. The cigarette she held between her index and middle fingers fell to the snow covered ground with the softest patter. "It's been so long and…I've heard so much. How're you doing?"

Jude pressed her lips together as Georgia released her. "I've been…fine." She hesitated at first, but repeated herself assuredly. "I've been fine."

"That's great." She said, not really believing the girls' words, but knowing enough to not press on at a time like this. "I'm glad to see you're back with the red hair…so tell me, who's this handsome fella is." She was surprised to see another man standing beside her, especially after that Darius had told her. The two had just passed their five month anniversary, which in reality was their two year anniversary but the two broke up and got back together so much it was hard to keep track for them. She was appalled at Tommy's actions, but even more so by Jude's. Georgia always expected the girl to have a more stand up for your right approach, but Jude proved her wrong when she ran away to New York for a new life.

"Georgia, this is my fiancé Lucas Michaels." She gestured from Georgia to Lucas, the back again. Darius and Georgia quickly exchanged a wary glance before anyone noticed. This was the first time Jude had mention the word fiancée and Lucas in the same sentence. "Lucas meet my first manager and mentor, Georgia Beavens."

Like the gentlemen he proved himself to be, Lucas extended his hands and shook Georgia's before smiling genuinely. "Pleasure to meet you, Georgia."

"Lucas Michaels?" She asked, releasing his hands and stepping back beside Darius. "As in the president and owner of The Good Stuf Records?"

The astonishment held in her voice caused his cheeks to flush deeper than the cold had already made them. "That'd be me."

"You're younger than I expected." She said, sizing him up. It wasn't everyday that a young man started a successful record label.

"The product of a good home. I know what I want and I go for it." Georgia nodded her head but before she could open her mouth to speak, Sadie and Kwest rounded the corner.

"Georgia!" Sadie cried limping forward quickly on a cane, throwing her arms around Georgia's neck. "It's such a surprise to see you. I didn't know you were going to come." She said with such sincerity. Little did Jude know that was to be the running gag of the night.

"Oh, well, a little birdie in a tree told me about it and I thought I'd come see Jude. I haven't seen her since before her first tour."

"I take it you'll be doing karaoke along with the rest of us?"

Georgia shook her head, smiling. "No, finding the talent was always my thing. I never contained a single talented bone in my body."

"I see, I see." She shivered, brushing her hair over her shoulder. "C'mon. Let's go inside. It's freezing out here."

Jamie and Zeppelin caught up with the six as they were taking seats at one of the tables set on one of the two tiered levels. "Hey, Jude." Jamie said, waving awkwardly to her. They hadn't spoken since her pajama party and he was floored when Sadie had invited him to come along. He was as heartbroken as the next person when he found out she'd disappeared. In his heart he had a feeling she wasn't missing as everyone was letting on. He knew she was unharmed. After all, they were best friends and their emotions (and beings) had fused together. In some way he was always able to feel Jude. Able to feel if she was okay, safe, anxious, scared. It tore him apart when he couldn't come and rescue her from the situation.

"Jamie!" She smiled the best she could, the cold had frozen her lips into the same position she'd stood there in. She was stripping her jacket, revealing a knee length black dress. The scoop neck and slightly puffed sleeves matched with a pair of black heels made her look foreign to Jamie. He frowned slightly at her appearance before fixing a smile on his face. "It's good to see you. It's been so long."

He nodded, very aware of Zeppelin beside him. "Too long. You should stop by NBR before you leave. It's definitely changed."

"So I've heard!" She said, scooting the chair in and leaning on the table. A glittering ring sitting obscenely on her left ring finger caught the eye of Jamie. Everything was hitting him harder each time: new life, new boyfriend, new profession, new style…new jewelry.

"Yeah, thanks to Zeppelin here NBR became more successful than I'd planned. Now we're located in the heart of Toronto." He said proudly, remembering the view from his office in the full building that housed the indie label.

"That's great, Jamie." She said, nodding her head. "Seems like your dreams came true." She smiled, a hint of sadness in the gesture.

"Yeah, they did - didn't they?" He said quietly smiling to himself.

Jude frowned at the way things turned out. Maybe if Jude had chose Jamie instead of Tommy, things would probably been different. Way different. Pushing back from the table she wandered over to the bar without saying a word and ordered a Martini. Quickly she downed it and the bartender poured another. "Problems, Miss?" The bartender was an old one, grey hair covering his head - the curse of balding not touching his head - and the wear and tear could be seen on his face.

"Problems…when aren't there problems for me?" She downed the liquor quickly, clicking her teeth at the welcomed burn.

"I'm sorry, miss. Anything I can help with?" He wiped the countertop with a white rag with what smelled like bleach. He eyed her features, immediately recognizing her. His granddaughter went completely ballistic whenever her face popped up onto screen, but he wasn't the type to make a scene. He knew celebrities were just as much human as he was.

"Oh just relationship problems…I'm getting engaged to a man," She held out her left hand and he lifted his round glasses, looking at it and whistling. "That I'm not sure I love."

"Well then, who do you love?" He asked, mixing up another drink for her.

"Music. I love music first and foremost, but I could never be married to music. I've been running for about two years from the man I really love. But Lucas is kind and treats me well, so why shouldn't I be married to him?" She looked at him, holding onto the stem of the martini glass.

"Because in the end you will be miserable."

"How can you be so sure?" She asked, her blue eyes betraying her doubts. "What if in the end this was the right thing to do?"

He leaned on his elbow a few inches down from her, his lips upturned. "Because once upon a time ago, I ignored my heart and went along with my parents, which was very common in my era, thinking that if I pleased them - nothing could go wrong. My life would be full and happy."

Jude frowned lightly, leaning her cheek on her palm as she watched him. "And it wasn't?" She asked, blinking.

"No, it wasn't." He said, standing up and looking uncomfortable. "I got married to who my parents wanted. We moved down the street from them and I got a job working underneath my father. All the while we put on shows at our friends' parties. Making it seem as if we were the perfect, happy, white-picket-fence couple, but underneath - our foundation was crumbling. I was having an affair with my secretary and she was sleeping with our neighbor. She had kids, but none of them were mine and finally after years of lying to one another and ourselves, we got a divorce."

"Wow…" She whispered.

"Yeah, I ended up getting lucky. I married my high school sweetheart and we lived, loved, and prospered together until her death two years ago."

"Yeah. That is luck."

"But not everyone is that lucky…" He said, taking her empty glass and wiping the counter in front of her. "You might not be so lucky."

Jude stared ahead as he said that to her, the words weaving it's way through her brain and settling in the back. She knew it was true, ignoring your heart only made things worse in the end. Even still she couldn't detach herself from the life she'd become so used to. Slowly, she slid down from the barstool, the words still ringing in her ears. "Th-thank you, sir." She nodded in his direction before walking towards the table.

* * *

"These boys are stupidly crazy." Nicole said, looking at Jude as she approached the table. She leaned down, kissing Jude's cheek chastely before taking a seat beside her. It'd been a few days since they'd seen each other; the last time they _had_ met, it didn't end too well. All was well though after they apologized back and forth via telephone. Since then Nicole had immersed herself in writing for Vogue. They'd piled the work on her since she'd up and left New York for Toronto without any _real_ warning.

Jude laughed, rolling her eyes. Her ears had heard the proclamation too many times already. "That's my band for you." She said, slapping their fists before punching their hands like she had before leaving. Things with SME seemed to fall right back into place since she began the recording process again. She leaned back into her chair that Lucas had him arm slung over.

Before she could say anything else to Nicci, Spied called her name, "Jude! Catch." Her head turned only quick enough to see the keys flying towards her. There wasn't enough time for her to even reach up in an attempt to catch it. The set flew past her head and fell several feet behind her. When she turned in her seat to get up, her eyes fell on the perfect physique of a certain Tommy Quincy, the keys dangling from his index finger as a smirk covered his features.  
"Hey Tommy," Sadie said waving from her spot next to Kwest who nodded his head in Tom's direction.

"Ay, Sades. Fancy seeing you here." He said, tossing the keys to Jude who caught them with the same frozen look on her face that she had when she seen him. Nicole eyed her warily, wondering if she was going to move, speak, breathe, anything.

"I know right. Why don't you join us? No point in drinking by yourself if you've got _friends_ here too." She said, knowingly. Quickly Jude whipped around and glared at her. 'What are you doing?' She mouthed, eyes bulging. Sadie waved her off a conspired smile on her face. The look Lucas had been enough to send her into a gale of laughter, though she contained it easily.

Tom nodded, pulling a chair from another table and sitting it beside Spiederman who was across from Nicole, which meant he'd be in Jude's direct line of sight. "What's up, Spied?" Tom said, taking off his leather jacket and letting hang off the back of the chair he sat on.

"Not much, digging the ladies." He said, looking pointedly at Nicole.

Tom drug his eyes across the table to the brunette beside Jude. She was beautiful to say the least, but nothing like the red head sitting next to her. "Ah, I see. Who is she?"

At that moment a tall, slinky waitress approached the table with enough mugs of beer for the whole table that Sadie ordered when they'd arrived. Immediately hands reached for mugs, some of the golden liquid slashing over the rim. "Nicole Renee Gregory." Spied replied in such a voice, Tommy eyed him. "She's Jude's best friend...from New York."

"You sound like you're in love with her."

Spied's hazel eyes flashed to him, seriousness engulfing his features. "I think I am, Tom. She's the complete opposite of Karma, not to mention she's completely better looking." Both of their gazes flashed to her as she and Jude were caught up in a laugh. "I've been thinking of going back to New York with her if she'll have me."

Tommy nearly choked on the beer and he set the cup down, turning his upper body towards the younger naive man. "Are you sure about this?" He asked, watching as Spied gazed at Nicole. He could see the adoration he had for her, but there was no guarantee for their future. What would happen if she turned out to be different and broke his heart? Just as Karma had? "You're...you're not afraid she'll do the same thing as Karma?" He remembered his own foolish wedding, a publicity stunt and a chance to piss Darius off in one. They didn't work out and the aftershocks of his _and_ her actions scarred him until almost four years back.

"There's always that doubt in my mind," He said, smiling softly as she looked towards him with the same smile painted on her face. "But she's different. I can feel it."

"So, who's gonna go first?" Sadie asked a few minutes later, her eyes traveling around the table. Everyone was avoiding her gaze, obviously not wanting to volunteer. She huffed, crossing her arms. "FINE, I'll go first then." Her eyes traveled to the stage where a petite brunette stood doing her rendition of Demi Lovato's "Get Back". It wasn't anything to brag about, but as soon as the girl scurried off stage, Sadie hustled up there.

The table, along with the few bar patrons paying attention, watched as Sadie chose a song and made her way up to the microphone. "I don't know whether to cringe and be scared or watch in amazement." Jude whispered across the table causing them all to laugh. Her eyes drug across the room to Sadie who was waving timidly while her other hand rest atop the microphone and its stand.

"So, this isn't usually my area of expertise. I use to send people running, but secretly I've decided to amaze them all tonight." That earned her a round of laughs from the patrons and she curtsied before going back to cue the music. A warm smile spread across Jude's face as the familiar melody flowed through the speakers and into the bar. She was looking at Lucas but when Sadie began speaking, her head whipped around quickly to make sure that was actually her sister standing on stage.

"_We've been together since way back when a-and sometimes I never want to see you again! But I want you to know after all these years, that you're still the one I want _**whispering** _in my ears_." She looked pointedly at Kwest as she sang with a voice clear and actually in tune. Jude, Tommy, Spied, and the rest of the Toronto crew eyed Sadie with jaws to the floor. "_You're still the one, I can talk to in bed. Still the one that turns my head. We're still having fun and you're still the one._"

Tommy sneaked a peek at Jude and like every time before, his heart took a dive off the deep end and sprinted off. It took everything he had to look back at Sadie. "_Well, I look at your face everyday and I never seen it 'til I went away. When winter came. I just wanted to go back to the desert, how I longed for the snow!_" She slapped her thigh in time with the song, looking at Jude with a smile. "_You're still the one that makes me laugh, still the one that's my better half...we're still having fun and you're still the one._"

"Damn," Jude whispered, looking at Spied and shaking her head. "Sadie's actually good!"

Spied nodded, switching gaze between the two Harrison sisters that captivated his attention and baffled him for years. Jude, who he believed was his soul mate at one time but realized they were destined for sibling relations, stood as the bolder of the two. The red hair had defined her: fiery, passionate, and emotional. While Sadie was the rose; soft, beautiful. "_You're still the one that makes me strong, still the one I wanna take along. We're still having fun, and you're still the one._"

A round of claps circled the room while there was an instrumental break. Kwest stood up and wolf whistled while Jude intertwined her fingers with Lucas and as she reached to grab the mug of beer, Tom caught a glance of her _engagement_ ring. He wanted to gag seeing the four carat, asymmetrical cut diamond _hanging_ from her finger like an anchor to keep her in one spot. Lucas had finally presented her with one a few days ago after resigning of her contract. Personally, Tom thought the ring looked gaudy and unreasonably large on her finger. Jude on the other hand couldn't - or wouldn't - complain. Lucas was committed to her, Tommy wouldn't bother her now.

"_You're still the one that I love to touch, still the one, and I can't get enough. We're still having fun, and you're still the one. You're still the one who can scratch my itch, still the one, and I wouldn't switch._" Sadie looked at Kwest, smiling proudly, and pointing to him as she sang. "_We're still having fun, and you're still the one. You're still the one that makes me shout, still the one that I dream about. We're still having fun, and you're still the one...We're still having fun, and you're still the one!_" She finished her note with a small jump in her heels. Jude immediately stood up and clapped for her, smiling and laughing the whole time.

Spied, Kwest, and Tommy followed her suit while the rest of SME launched peanuts at one another and Nicole and Lucas clapped out politeness. "Oh, Sadie!" Jude cried, throwing her arms round her neck as soon as Sadie approached the table. "That was..." she pulled back looking off to find a word before focusing back at her. "**Amazing**. When did you get so...amazing?"

Sadie laughed, her cheeks bright pink. "Remember when I did that Latin Quartet and butchered the hell out of it?" Jude nodded, grinning at the memory. "Well, I took Portia's advice and started taking lessons. Years later and here I am! Stunning my platinum-record selling artist sister at karaoke!"

"You planned for this, huh?" she asked, looking at her. "Showing off your voice and surprising me?"

Sadie smiled, nodding. "Yes, I did, baby sister." She said with a laugh at the double meaning to her response. Before Jude and Sadie could even turn and ask who was next, Vincent Spiederman took mic.

"Hey all you, bar-people! I'm Speid...and you might know me from Spiederman Mind Explosion. I'm gonna do 'Pour Some Sugar One Me', so you pretty little ladies over there pull out your camera phones and put _this_ on youtube." Both sisters took their seats and watched as Spied made a fool of himself.

"_Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on! Livin' like a lover with a radar phone. Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp. Demolition woman, can I be your man?_" He was into pointing at girls around the tabled area and head banging and slapping his thighs. "_Razzle 'n' a dazzle 'n' a flash a little light. Television lover, baby, go all night. Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet. Little miss ah innocent sugar me, yeah!_"

Jude cracked up while Nicole and Tommy were already doubling over in laughter. Suddenly, Spied ripped the microphone from the stand. "_C'mon, take a bottle, shake it up! Break the bubble, break it up!_" He dropped to his knees, eyes squinting shut. "_Pour some sugar on me! Ooh, in the name of love!_" he got up, leaning on the stand. "_Pour some sugar on me! C'mon fire me up! Pour your sugar on me! Oh, I can't get enough!_" Jumping off the stage, he approached a table of brunette girls, a guy sitting in the midst of them not looking pleased at all. Leaning into the table, the girls singing along. "_I'm hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet, yeah!_"

He stood in the aisles, clearly not needing the screen to sing Def Leppard. "_Listen! Red light, yellow light, green-a-light go! Crazy little woman in a one man show_." He made a fashion of walking up to the table where he sat, leaning into Nicole as they sung together. "_Mirror queen, mannequin, and rhythm of love. Sweet dream, saccharine, loosen up_." She moved her head along with the music, a flirting smirk spreading across her lips as they made eye contact. She sang along with him, moving her hands on his hips and gesturing him to bring his hips towards her as she stood up. "_You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little. Tease a little more. Easy operator come a knockin' on my door! Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet. Little miss innocent sugar me, yeah!_"

He walked back to the second level, singing to random females in the crowd and continued showing himself off. People had **actually** taken out their cameras and were filming him! Nicole who had stayed standing, dancing in her place, pulled Jude to her feet. "_Take a bottle, shake it up! Break the bubble, break it up! Pour some sugar on me! Ooh, in the name of love. Pour some sugar on me! C'mon fire me up! Pour your sugar on me! Oh, I can't get enough. I'm hot, sticky sweet. From my head to my feet yeah!_"

As the guitar solo pounded through the speakers, Spied stood doing by far the best air guitar anyone had ever seen. His eyes were squinted shut and he had a wicked look set on his face. When it finished, he jumped to action, singing again. "_You got the peaches, I got the cream. Sweet to taste, saccharine. 'Cos I'm hot, say what, sticky sweet. From my head, my head, to my feet! Do you take sugar? one lump or two?_" he swaggered his way to the stage, replacing the microphone to the stand and shaking an imaginary bottle. "_Take a bottle, shake it up! Break the bubble, break it up! _

"_Pour some sugar on me! Ooh, in the name of love. Pour some sugar on me! C'mon fire me up. Pour your sugar on me! Oh, I can't get enough! Pour some sugar on me!_" He tipped the microphone stand forward, pumping his hand in the air. "_Oh, in the name of love! Pour some sugar on me! Get it, come get it!_" He gave the crowd a come-hither look, rubbing his hand up his chest as held in a laugh. "_Pour your sugar on me! Ooh, pour some sugar on me. Yeah! Sugar me!_"

As his voice faded out with the music, the crowd broke out into applause and hoops and hollers. Nicole's voice was the most distinctive out of them as she catcalled and wolf whistled from the third tier. "Thank you, thank you." He said, bowing. "G-major 2011!"

* * *

…_sometime later_…

"And Jude, while she's standing in the middle of the four cart pile up with melting vanilla ice cream around her, decides to bust into song!" Sadie says breathlessly, clapping her hands together and laughing.

"Worst part was," Jude said, wiping beneath her eyelid carefully. "Our school was putting on a production of Sound of Music and the only thing that came to mind was the 'Favorite Things' song.." She laughed again, the whole table either holding their sides or wiping their tears of laughter.

"It was horrible." Sadie threw in.

"Oh, but when in doubt sing!" Jude countered, doubling over in laughter again. As they all joined her in laughing, the waitress brought over a tray of shots. Everything was quiet as hands reached for the tiny glasses, clinking them together randomly before downing them. It was their third round of the Grey Goose Vodka and Jude was beginning to feel more and drunk by the moment. Of course in a classy Harrison style, she held her liquor.

"So, who's next? These people playing now aren't appealing at all." Sadie said, slamming the shot glass down and peering around. "Oh c'mon! This is a table full of talented people and no one wants to lay down a cover?"

Suddenly, Jude stood up. "I'll go." She reached down and tugged Lucas' hand. "And he will too."

His head snapped up to look at her from where he still sat. "I will?" He asked, brows knitting together. She nodded, smiling.

"You've sang to me and with what's-his-name before." She said, tugging on his hand again. "Daniel Roughen. You sang with Daniel before, so sing with me."

After a moment of silence, Lucas stood and let Jude pull him up to stage. The two of them stood at the karaoke machine, seeming to bicker over choosing a song, before they finally settled on one. As the two hustled up on stage the barroom began buzzing with talk. "Hi there, Fletcher's patrons. From the talk you all seem to know who I am, but this man here is my other half, Lucas Michaels. He runs a fabulous label in New York." She waved her hand through the air as Lucas pulled up a microphone beside her. "Anyway, we're going to perform 'If I never see your face again' by Adam Levine and Rhianna." She adjusted the microphone and smoothed her dress.

Within seconds the music started up and you could see their bodies moving to the music. Lucas watched the screen, waiting for his cue. He knew the song, thank god. Embarrassment was not on his list of things to experience in Canada. "_Now as the summer fades I let you slip away, you say I'm not your type but I can make you sway._" He grabbed a hold of the mic and the stand, whipping to face her. If he was going to sing, why not put on a show? He stroked her cheek before turning to face the crowd. "_It makes you burn to lean you're not the only one, I'd let you be if you put down you blazing guns._" Jude smirked as she took her cue, walking behind him and trailing her arm across his shoulder.

"_Now you're gone somewhere else I don't know if I will find you_," She stood beside him, shimmying against his side as she played with the hairs at the nape of his neck as he vocalized along with her. "_But you feel your breath on my neck, can't believe I'm right behind you_."

Lucas slid his hand up and intertwined with hers behind him, quickly spinning her then pulling her back to his side, their joined hands behind her back. "_Cause you keep me comin' back for more! And I feel a little better than I did before_."

Jude smirked, facing the crowd. "_If I never see your face again, I don't mind! Cause we got much farther than I thought we'd get tonight_." She pulled away from him, pacing in front of him to her mic stand and looked pointedly at Tommy as she sung Rhianna's verse. "_Sometimes you move so well, it's hard not to give in._"

Lucas cut in, glancing over at Jude before back out at the bar patrons, some of who were dancing. "_I'm lost I can't tell where you end and I begin_."

She turned her head to him, red hair flying through the air just missing his face, gripping her microphone. "_It makes you burn to learn I'm with another man_."

Internally he flinched, the audacity she said the words with making him wonder if they were true. She had selected the song after all. "_I wonder if he's half the lover that I am. Now you're gone somewhere else far away, I don't know if I will find you. But you feel my breath on your neck can't believe I'm right behind you._" They turned to face one another as she harmonized with him like the song had before they both jumped into the chorus.

"_Cause you keep me coming back for more! And I feel a little better than I did before. If I never see your face again I don't mind. Cause we got much further than I thought we'd get toni-ight_."

Jude placed her hand on his chest, looking he sung to her. "_Baby, baby please believe me. Find in your heart to reach me_." She flashed him an innocent look. "_Promise not to leave me behind_."

He stroked her cheek with his thumb, smiling softly as she raised the microphone to her lips. "_Take me down, but take it easy. Make me think but don't deceive me. Torture me by taking your time_." With her hand still on his chest she pushed him back as she followed on into the chorus. "_Cause you keep me coming back for more and I feel a little better than I did before. If I never see your face again I don't mind cause we got much further than I thought we'd get tonight._"

He tore her hand away from his boy, turning and pulling her back against his chest. "_Cause you keep me coming back for more and I feel a little better than I did before_." His eyes bulged slightly as she slinked her body down his own, singing along with him at some parts, but kept his didn't stumble on a word. "_If I never see your face again I don't mind cause we got much further than I thought we'd get tonight_."

As the beat faded out, Jude moved her body against his. When the speakers had silent, a very loud and deafening applause filled the barroom. A huffing Jude bent over in a bow, a wide smile was plastered across her face as she stood up straight. "Thank you," She murmured into the microphone, looking at the bar-goers through her lashes.

Tommy, who was internally seething at the core, down his half glass of beer and two discarded glasses while everyone was busy praising the couple. He grimaced as they kissed and leaned back in his chair, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. Sighing heavily, he remembered doing the action often his early middle school years when he'd been scolded. When everything was settled, he sat up straight and signaled the barmaid for another round. "That was a great performance, Jude, really it was."

He snorted at Zeppelin's too-sweet comment. The liquor was taking effect and with present company his mood was not on the best side. "If you like porn on stage."

Jude's head whipped around to look at him, death gleam in her blue eyes. "Excuse me?"

"Well I mean it was obvious from the start. Look at the way you rubbed on him, _touched _him, **grinded** him. But don't worry. It wasn't the most nastiest thing I've seen this week. I give it a....NC-17."

Her cheeks flushed a deep red as her teeth ground together and fisted balled together. Several times she opened her mouth to speak but immediately shut it. Shoving her chair back, she leaned into the table, seething. "Fuck. You." She said before turning on her heel and walking towards the bathroom.

Nicole looked at him from under her bangs as she finished up a text and sent it. She knew what Sadie had organized and was all for it, after all she didn't exactly like Lucas. "You kind of messed up." She said shaking her head as she pushed her chair back and rushed after Jude.

"Wow, thanks for that." Lucas said, tilting his head to the side. "I thought I told you to stay away from her?" Jamie who'd been talking to Zeppelin whipped his head in their direction. _The audacity_, he thought.

He remembered plenty of times he'd wanted to say that to Tommy in the years previous, but he never did because he understood that that was Jude's choice. Not his. His eyes switched between the two men waiting for one of them to speak...or yell. Beside him he could feel Zeppelin stand up, but didn't tear his eyes from the two as she traveled up to the karaoke machine. "You honestly think I'd listen to you? Who are you to me?" He leaned into the table on his forearm. "Besides, it's not like you know JUDE HARRISON. You know the false persona she built up." Immediately the familiar baseline of 'Seven Nation Army' by The White Stripes pounded through the speakers.

"And who knows how close that was to the real her?"

Sadie opened her mouth but closed as she felt Kwest's hand on hers. Instead she watched with wide doe eyes as the nuclear blast she wanted to happen unfold. "Very far, I'm sure." He said, pursing his lips. "What's her favorite color?"

"Yellow." Lucas said surely, but Tom shook his head.

"Wrong. Blue. Or black. Depending on her mood." He said, raising an eyebrow. "Favorite artist?"

"Uh...Katy Perry?"

"Wrong again. Kurt Cobain. How about her coffee? How does she like her coffee?"

"Two sugars, no cream."

Tom let out a sarcastic chuckle, shaking his head. "Look at this. You have the qualifications of a personal assistant. Do you really think you should be marrying her?"

Lucas set his jaw, fully placing his palms on the table and pushing himself up while leaning forward. "I think I'd be better standing beside her at the alter than you would." With that he turned and stalked off. Immediately he could feel everyone's eyes on him and tried to focus on Zeppelin singing until he could literally feel himself burning. He whipped his head to the side, looking pointedly at Sadie, his attitude nothing short of blasé.

"What." He said in more of a statement than a question, shrugging his shoulders

* * *

"Jude?" The creak of the door was so cliché as Nicole slipped into the ladies' bathroom, her eyes searching for the tell-tale red hair. "Jude?" She rounded the corner of the bathroom stalls to where the sinks were to see her idol, Jude Harrison, curled up on the counter of the sinks, knees to her chest and tears running. "Awe, I'm sorry, honey." Nicci murmured stroking her hair, and reaching for the paper towels stacked by the mirrors. Quickly flipping on the faucet she wet the corner of the towel and wiped her cheeks tenderly.

"I'm sorry." Nicole said when Jude had finally stopped crying a few minutes later. But Jude just shook her head, waving her off.

"Don't be. It's not your fault my life is so fucked up." She hopped from the counter and stepped into the heels she'd discarded on the tiled floor. "He's an asshole anyway. Always was. Always will be." She looked into the mirror, building herself up like that. "Still, I can't help but -"

"Jude!" Her head snapped to the direction of the door. "I think we should talk!" Her eyes bulged at his words and she fumbled with the faucets as she splashed water on her face. She didn't even know what it was about - hell he could've been asking about the weather tomorrow - but she had a gut feeling it was bad.

Suddenly she was enveloped in Nicci's arms. "Be strong, girl. I know you are." She withdrew from the hug and nudged her towards the door. "Go." She whispered, nodding in encouragement.

Jude's eyes were wide as they met Lucas' expectant ones. He licked his lips and put his hands on her shoulders. Taking a deep breath, he started speaking - or more better rambling. "So I mean I kind of realized that we don't know each other. Well you know me. You met my parents, but I don't know you. I just found out a whole new side of you from your ex..." His voice was beginning to raise until he stopped and looked around before picking up what he was saying in a whisper. "who I know _nothing_ about. Not that I care about your past, I mean I do, but..." He sighed heavily and looked off.

"Spit it out, Lucas." She said licking her lips, still able to taste the cherry gloss covering the deep red painted on her lips.

He let go of her arms and paced to the men's restroom door, just feet from the women's and where Jude stood, then turned. "I don't think we should get married..."

Behind her she could hear Nicole's soft gasp before she followed suit. She was sure Nicci's gasp was more out of happiness where her own was out of shock. "W-what?" Her voice wavered, brows knitting in the process.

Quickly he rushed to her, cupping her cheeks. "No, no...I'm not breaking up with you, but I think...I think we should start over..."


	38. Omniscient POV part treize

**Author's Note:** Ah, when this is over please don't hate me. Hah. This went over easier than I thought, though it was particularly hard nearing the end. Blame my Jommy addiction. Thank you for all your wonderful reviews. It means a lot. I replied to who I could. I have no clue what POV will be next, I'm thinking Nicole, but I don't know. The preview at the bottom are just quotes that are resounding in my noodle.

Things I don't own in this chapter: Jude, Tommy, Darius, Sadie, Kwest, SME, 'Drift Away' by Dobie Gray, 'Walked Right Out of Heaven' by Jagged Edge, 'Tonight' by Stars and the one (or two) lines from 'On Peak Hill' by Stars.

* * *

Chapter Thirty-seven: The trouble with Love is…

As quickly as it felt like her safety net had disappeared, it reappeared. Still she couldn't help but back up from him as she slid the ring from her finger and placed it in his palm. "I'm going…I'm going to stay at the rehearsal space tonight. Stay with my sister okay?" She said after a moment of silence. He opened his mouth to talk but closed it, nodding.

"Okay. You're not leaving now, are you?"

"No. No." She shook her head, brushing her hair back. "Go back out, I'll follow you in a few." He nodded again, kissing her cheek lightly before leaving the small hallway.

Immediately afterwards Nicole darted from the women's restroom to face Jude. Her eyes searched from some kind of emotion but she seen nothing. "Are you okay?" she asked worriedly and Jude nodded.

"I'm fine. I'm far from feeling anything anymore." She murmured, brushing Nicole's hands away as she tried to stroke her hair back. "C'mon. Before someone else comes back here and says something that makes this shindig even worse."

As the two walked into the barroom, two things caught Jude's attention. The heavy R & B that wafted into the large area, seemingly accepted, and a silky smooth voice harmonizing with the melody. "..._See my mama told me that's if its meant to be she'll come back and she'll forgive me_."

She halted by the end of the bar counter, looking to the stage and seeing Darius with a microphone in his hand. "Who knew..." She whispered to herself as she jogged to catch up with Nicole.

"_And the best thing I can do is to just let her, let her go I know, I don't wanna do it_." He held the wireless microphone inches from his lips, letting his attention focus on Georgia who sat blushing tomato red on stage. "_But if I continue to push she'll just pull away and I know that in my heart it's a reality! I didn't treat her like she wanted to be treated, and I hope that she's not gone for good no-no_."

"_Feels like I just walked right out of heaven. Feels like I have damn near thrown my life away, hey. Scared just like a child that's lost at seven. Don't know what to do, get back right wit' you_." Jude returned to her seat in between Nicole and Lucas, not even sparing a glance in Tommy's direction. "_Feels like I just walked right out of heaven. Feels like I have damn near thrown my life away, hey yea yea. Scared, just like a child that's lost at seven. Don't know what to do, Feels like I just walked right out of heaven_."

Sadie eyed Jude and Lucas skeptically, noticing how distant she was from him and how she wouldn't use her left hand. She knew something happened after Lucas left the table, but she would bide her time and wait until the right time to ask. Still she bit her lip in worry for her sister for she could see the sadness in her posture.

"Spied," She whispered across the table, eyes darting from the stage back to her former lead guitarist. "Did you bring your guitar with you?"

"Yeah, I did, why?"

"_Hey girl waiting for you all the time, suppose to move on with my life, and girl I tried and I tried. I feel like I can't walk, I feel like I can't talk girl_." Tommy watched Darius perform, listening to Jude and Spiederman, with a tight look on his face. He knew what he said was wrong, but he couldn't help it. It just spilled from his lips. The song, familiar from years ago, he could relate to. "_If you ever loved somebody, and if you ever had somebody, but you know that you hurt that somebody, let me hear you say yeah_." And for a second, Tom almost sang along with him.

"Because," She whispered, sitting up straighter and scooting into the table. "I want to go up again, but I want a guitar to play the song. Could you go get it?"

"Sure, Jude." He stood up, finishing off the beer Tommy had sipped on, and slipped on his leather jacket before heading out to the front entrance. Within minutes, and in time for Darius' appraisal from the crowd, Spied walked through the door with a guitar case in hand.

"Take care of her, Harrison." He said, presenting her with the case. "That's my damn baby right there."

She laughed, standing up and taking the case. "Thanks, Spied." She kissed his cheek lightly, her hand on his forearm before walking up to the stage just as Darius was traveling back up to the table. Gently she set the case down by her feet and adjusted the microphone stand.

"So, I know I was just up here about an hour ago, but I wanted to do something solo." She looked around and found a stool hiding behind a speaker and pulled it up toward the microphone. Flipping open the locks of the case, she pulled the gloss finished acoustic guitar from it's velvet lining. After grabbing a pick and sliding the strap over her head, she took a seat. "Uh, I seen this on the list back there and everyone who is a fan of me knows that I'm a big lover of eclectic music. I've practically been raised on it…" Her cheeks flushed a bright pink under the lights, a bundle of nervousness binding itself together in her abdomen. "And well I really, really love this song and now my name may be added to the list artists that have covered it. I just hope you enjoy my acoustic version of it." She smiled toward the crowd before her eyes fell to her fingers setting themselves on the fret board, picking a familiar tune. Sadie smiled warmly at the familiar tune, memories of hearing Jude's first rough version passed through her mind. Never in her eleven jealous years did she think she'd come to adore her sister as much as she did now.

After she passed two bars, her crystal clear voice, sounding different than her performance earlier, broke through the thick air. "_Day after day I'm more confused. Yet I look for the light through the pouring rain. You know that's a game that I hate to lose. And I'm feelin' the strain, ain't it a shame_." She could've sworn she seen her father smile in the crowd, but it was her mind playing tricks. Stuart Harrison moved months after Jude disappeared and had been scantily heard from since then. Even still, singing Dobie Gray's original lyrics, she felt more connected to her father than she had in a while. "_Oh give me the beat, boys, and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away. Oh. Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away!_"

As she transitioned into the second verse, she realized that she could relate to this song in more ways than one. "_Beginning to think that I'm wastin' time…I don't understand the things I do! The world outside looks so unkind and I'm countin' on you…to carry me through_." Of course she wasn't referring to Lucas when she had sung the lyric. Tommy was all her mind was focus on. He was the one she needed. "_Oh, give me the beat boys, and free my soul! I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away. Yeah, give me the beat boys and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away_."

"_And when my mind is free you know a melody can move me. And when I'm feelin' blue the guitar's comin' through to soothe me. Thanks for the joy that you've given me. I want you to know I believe in your song! Rhythm and rhyme and harmony. You've helped me along, you're makin' me strong!_" But at the same time she shied away from the prospect of their relationship because every time they were in vicinity of one another, they either fought or had sex and a relationship in her eyes was not built on that. Trust, love, friendship, honesty is what she believed it to be on. Just as the thought crossed her mind, she realized how unfair she'd been to Lucas; because whether or not she came back to Toronto, she should've told him who she really was.

Lifting her hands from the strings, she raised her hands to get the crowd to clap along. "_Oh, give me the beat boys, and free my soul! I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away. Give me the beat boys and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away_." She smiled as a simultaneous clapping filled the thick air of the bar and began picking the guitar again. "_Oh, give me the beat boys, and free my soul! I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away. Give me the beat boys and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away. Na-na, now won't you take me? Take me away! Oh-ha take me…"_

As soon as the last chord faded a loud round of applause, louder than when she'd performed with Lucas, engulfed the room. "Thank you, thank you. Don't forget my performance at the Phoenix Concert Center!" She said, smiling sadly and squatting to put the guitar away. They were still clapping as she left the stage and walked up to the table. Sadie could read her blue eyes and she nodded to her sister without word. Jude didn't have the capacity to sit at the table and listen to another cover for a moment.

"Well, I'm going to see everyone else later." Jude said after grabbing up her coat and slipping on her shoulders. She met everyone's gaze besides Tommy's, which made him grit his teeth harder. "Don't forget my performance in three days. I want to see your faces there, especially you Jamie." She pointed a now-gloved finger at him, winking with a smile. He stood up, walking around the table to hug her.

"It was great seeing you, Jude. Again, I really am sorry about all that happened between us." He said, pulling back to look in her eyes. "And make sure to keep in touch this time. I hated thinking you were...gone for good, you know? You're my best friend, even after all this shit we've been through."

Jude laughed, patting Jamie's arm. "No problem, James. I gotcha." She winked again and hoisted her purse onto her shoulder. After making the rounds of the table, and made arrangements so she could take one of the cars, she walked out of Fletcher's and into the still night. It was just before midnight and the only thing that could be heard was her heels echoing against the buildings. Her blue eyes darted around, searching for any immediate danger. Seeing none she unlocked the doors of the rental and slid in. Before she could even start the car she dug in her purse, searching for a piece of paper. The best thing she could find was a long receipt from months ago and after grabbing the marker beside her compact, she began furiously scribbling lyrics down. There was no second guessing this, it all came to her as if it were written on her heart.

* * *

A deep sigh passed through her lips as she pushed the heavy door shut, her bag immediately falling to the floor as she let herself drop to her knees beside it, tears sliding down her cheeks. She couldn't let the sobs she felt in her core escape. Instead after a few moments of her sitting with her hands covering face, she stood and walked up to the platform that she'd performed on just days earlier. She turned in circles, eyes taking in the surroundings.

So many things had changed since she left. She felt out of the loop, and it wasn't just because Kyle & Wally were still giving her the silent treatment. Seeing the small collection of guitar's Spiederman kept at the space and quickly picked an acoustic up, settling the strap on her left shoulder before sliding the yellow pick from behind the strings on the fret board. Her mind still was racing with verses, sometimes even just simple lines. Looking out the factory window into the night dotted with the lights of the city's skyline, she began strumming a soft, steady melody. She played a few bars beside the music auto playing in her head. Finally, she let her inhibitions go and began singing. "_I know for sure I'll fall apart before I weep_." She sang out clearly, the words immediately bringing tears to her eyes. "_I'll disconnect the telephone cause I can choose to be alone. I'll get more done, I'll have some fun..._"

The sound of the door slamming against the concrete as he walked in, causing her head to snap around so fast she could've claimed whiplash. Before anything could be said he walked determinedly to the steps, taking two at a time, to where she stood still frozen. The two stared at one another, pulses racing and breathing short. Her heart was hammering as if threatening to burst from her chest at any moment and land in his hand. Slowly as if he were moving in a daze, he slid the guitar strap from her and pulled her to his chest. His lips hovered mere inches from hers, the alarm bells going off in her head sent her into overdrive. Her palms were pressed to his chest as if to push him away, but her muscles wouldn't budge. Instinctively her manicured fingers curled around the lapels of his jacket to bring him closer as their lips met in a fiery kiss.

His grip on her waist tightened, consuming her lips. Fingers knotted in hair and thoughts fleeted from minds. When their lungs burned for oxygen, they parted and a bewildered look crossed her eyes. Taking her hand, he led her out of the rehearsal space and to the floor below them. Memories of her seventeenth birthday flashed before her despite her trying to push them away. Silently he pushed the door open and pulled her inside. Candlelight illuminated the still abandoned room. It still reeked of her seventeenth birthday and the depressing melody of 'liar, liar' filled her ears. She could tell he wanted to say something. Just by the way his eyes twitched when he closed the door and pressed her back against the door. "Jude, I-" He started, blue eyes avoiding her gaze.

_NO! _Her mind screamed, knowing that if he uttered that five letter word, she'd never get out of Toronto. Instead she pressed her index finger against his lips, shushing him, and kissed him with everything she had. Her hands held tight to his face as she let the sadness she felt flow through to him. Tears fell from her lashes and she began pushing him forward. If memory served her right, which it did, the red couch was still across the room from them. She stripped his clothes as they crossed the room, still attached at the lips. Clad in boxers and socks, she pushed him down and straddled his hips.

He was confused by her actions, but still his hands explored her body. He fumbled with the zipper of her dress, but when the material finally released and fell from her shoulders, his lips worshipped every bare inch of her porcelain skin.

The feeling was different as they kissed, as if one of them was saying 'good-bye' and it definitely wasn't Tommy. He thought that with everything that'd happened tonight, Lucas ending their engagement and him bringing her here, she'd drop Lucas and be with him again. They were on completely different pages, like they normally were as of recently, because this meant nothing more to her than closure. Despite the departing feel, he held onto her like there was no tomorrow.

His heart broke as they became one, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back so he wouldn't have to see the tears still streaming from her eyes. All he could focus on was right now was that moment. With her he felt whole, even to himself he could not admit that, but he needed to. As their bodies worked towards orgasm, an epiphany washed upon him. The whole time she'd been here he'd had tried to show how bad Lucas was for her, not how right they were. He needed to tell her how much she meant to him...and he would...in the morning. He knew for a fact she couldn't do mornings and proclaiming his undying love for her then would break down her barriers and send her flying back into his arms...

If only he knew how wrong he was.

And as a flaming passion coursed through their bodies, she realized how big her mistake was. That even though she was taking three steps forward with Lucas and their 'new' relationship, she just took ten steps backwards with Tom. How would she face Luke now? Even with the guilt that was choking her, she laid down beside him, pulling a sheet covering the back of the couch, and curled up in his arms. A new stream of hot tears slid down her cheeks, sobbing softly into the crook of his neck . He held her, stroking her back softly, his calloused fingers sending tingles down her spine. "I'm sorry, Jude." He whispered softly while peppering her hair with chaste kisses. "So, so sorry..."

…It was quarter past three in the morning and all he could do was watch her sleep. The smile that graced her lips made him curious as to what she was dreaming about. Was it him she was dreaming of? Or was it Lucas? He was surprised she came with him to their old place. No words were spoke, only breathy sighs and moans that were like music to his ears. As she rolled over in her sleep, his name escaped her lips. It sounded panicked, maybe an undertone of sadness, and it had him wanting to take her in his arms and repeat his previous actions. Instead, he slipped softly from the couch they shared, wrapping one of the spare sheets around his waist and walking over to the piano that they'd composed 'liar, liar' on. He pushed the cover up and sat down, his feet pressing the pedals with his fingers dancing across the keys in an automatic soft and beautiful melody.

He'd had the song stuck his head since the first night they'd spent together; he couldn't write it then, but now - now the words could flow like honey. That night there was a hope in his veins, maybe it was the liquor, but he thought she'd stay. As he sobered up and the image of the ring on her left finger earlier - so ugly and out of place - reminded him of the slim to nil chance he had to her staying. "_Come around and say you love me, hang your heart in lights above me_." He sang, his voice husky from keeping quiet. "_Is that too much to ask for? When the night descends upon us, take a shower, dry your hair by the furnace. I'll watch you from the corner_."

He sang, looking at the candlelight lick at her bare back. Some part of him wished she would wake up and hear the song, it somehow magically making her change her mind. Of course he didn't know she was listening to every lyric, tears building up in blue orbs as she stared ahead at the back of the red couch. "_Telephones and old type writers. Words of love along the wires. Let's make it work tonight. Telegraphs and birds that fly through the air so still you hear me sigh. Let's make it work tonight....tonight....tonight_."

Jude wanted so bad to turn and look at him, let all her doubts and fears fall to the table. To let him take her in his arms and apologize for everything. She'd forgive him, she knew she would, but the difficult side of her, the side of her that still hated him for lying, wouldn't let her sit up. "_Then furious, you threw the picture. I, cap in hand, an awful mixture. That kind of hard love is the worst. I try to speak, but you don't hear me. When you're gone, you still feel near me. For a while...for a little while_."

His eyes drifted to the keys, watching as his hands - that were no stranger to hard work - worked the keys. "_I've tried telephones and old typewriters, words of love along the wires, but nothing is working tonight. I've tried telegraphs and birds that fly through air so still you hear me sigh, but nothing is working tonight...tonight. Please let's make it work tonight...please let's make it work tonight...tonight_." The tears he couldn't fight back made his way down his cheeks as he finished of the melody, the reality of her departure in a few hours hitting him hard. He choked back, closing the cover over the keys, and walked over to where they lay before. She could feel his presence at her back and within the minute, the couch dipped under his weight, his arms winding around her sides. Pulling her to him, he pressed soft kisses against the plane of her shoulder and back, the tears he still shed falling onto her skin. She could feel the sobs wracking his body, her own tears building in her eyes. The feeling to touch him, caress and soothe him, came automatically, but that same part of her the kept her from standing from the couch, kept her still in his arms. She let him hold her, crying himself into a sleep, before drifting off herself. Sleep came dreamlessly for her and all too soon the sun shone through the window forcing her to get up and leave him, again.

His eyelids peeled back from his eyes as she slid the straps of her dress up onto her shoulders. Already he could feel the panic rising in his throat. This was his last chance to make her stay. "Jude," he was standing and walking over to her before his mind could catch up. "Please, girl, don't leave again. We...I need you."

His hands were on her bare shoulders, warming her skin at contact. Her breathing stopped, eyes staring straight ahead like a deer caught in the headlights. She hadn't anticipated him waking. Her mind scrambled for excuses, anything to get away from him. Every moment she spent with him was a moment her resolve slipped. She stepped forward, so his hands weren't touching her, thinking becoming just a little bit clearer. "I-I need to go." She stepped into her heels in front of her. She reached for her jacket, rushing towards the door as she threw the garment on.

"Jude..." The whisper felt like a scream to her and she flinched with her hand on the doorknob. "Please...don't." His voice gave out, his hands dropping to his sides.

She shook her head, refusing to look at him. "Goodbye Tommy." As soon as the door slammed shut, he fell to his knees with hands pulling at the roots of his hair. His throat closed around the dry sobs stuck in his throat, leaning down towards the floor. The feeling of heart ripping pain released itself in his chest, drowning his body. He gasped repeatedly, his heart going into overdrive on his chest.

"She's gone...really gone."

* * *

Preview for Chapter thirty-eight: Titled still undecided

"Well, fancy running into you here."

"What're you doing?"  
"I could ask you the same thing, Jude. I thought you were staying here last night?"

---

"Hello? This is Ms. Harrison."

"Hi, yes. This is Annabelle's assistant, Stephanie, she asked me to get a hold of you…how would you like to see Big Ben?"

"…Are you serious?"

"Maybe a little too much, miss. I've already asked Nicole and if you agree, you two are London bound as soon as you arrive home…"

---

"Dad?! Oh my god!"

---

"Lucas, meet my father Stuart Harrison. Dad, meet my boyfriend…Lucas."  
"I'd like to think of myself as a prospective fiancé."

__

Don't forget to review!


	39. Author's Note: January 10, 2013

Author's Note: I AM BACK! :) Right now I am in the midst of writing a new chapter of Gone, which will replace this chapter once finished. It's been years since I've written anything fanfiction, though that does not mean my mind hasn't flitted around the idea a bunch of times. My computer is broken, per usual, but I am in the works for trying to get it fixed. As far as life goes, I am pretty busy though I am dedicated to finishing this. I always dreamed on making this an actual book, without the IS characters...I just need to figure the plans out, though I am scared it won't be as interesting without the obsessive(! But GREAT fans that Instant Star had/has). Anyway, I am going to post a few of the quotes that were in the last chapter, which were meant for the chapter that will be posted soon, and a few new ones that will be meant for future chapters. I am not as confident as I once was about writing in other POVs but I promise I will be trying, though as of right now the next chapter will be in an omniscient POV. As long as it's been since I've written anything or even really looked at the story, I still remember where I want this story to go.

After reading through the reviews of so many years ago – PLEASE HAVE NO FEAR: This will be a Jommy fic. It has always been in my heart and mind that in the end Tommy and Jude will get together. So, wipe the sweat off your brow and read on!

Chapter 38: Little Lion Man

"Well, fancy running into you here."

"What're you doing?"

* * *

"I could ask you the same thing, Jude. I thought you were staying here last night?"

"Hello? This is Miss Harrison..."

"Hi, yes, this is Annabelle's assistant, Stephanie. She asked me to get a hold of you...how would you like to see Big Ben?"

"Are you serious?"

"Maybe a little too much, miss. I've already asked Nicole and if you agree, you two are London bound as soon as you arrive home."

* * *

"Dad?! Oh my God!"

* * *

Chapter 39: Hold On To What You Believe

"Merry Christmas, little sis."

"You too, Sades."

* * *

"This has all gotten completely out of my control!"

* * *

"And you think you're so damned innocent! I can't do this any longer!"

* * *

"Welcome to London, ladies..."

"This is supposed to be the time of our lives...how come I'm not feeling it?"

"Because...there's someone who's missing."


	40. Omniscient POV part quatorze

**Author's Note**: Here it is...the long awaited, definitely overdue, much demanded chapter 38 of Gone. I am hoping there are still people out there that are still reading Instant Star fanfiction. Instead of replacing the previous chapter (the author's note), I've decided to post this as a new chapter so that all those who have this on alert can get an email about it. The last part of this chapter feels a little forced, but maybe it's just me. Still, I hope this lives up to your expectations. I am not as confident about my writing as I once was. Hopefully I will get back into the loop of things. Much love, Miss x Massacre.

Please review, so I know that there are still readers out there. So I will have a real reason to update other than the need to finish writing this.

**Things I do not own:** Jude, Tommy Q, and the rest of the Instant Star crew. 'Wide Awake' which belongs to Katy Perry or 'How You Remind Me' By Nickelback.

**Things I do own:** Lucas and Calissa Michaels, Nicole Gregory, The Good Stuf label, all the witty little anecdotes, and this storyline.

Read on! And _enjoy_!

* * *

Chapter 38: Little Lion Man

Jude slumped back against the elevator as it began its short ascent up the stairs to the rehearsal space. Her mind was in a flurry. She just said good-bye to Tommy...again. And for some reason her resolve still wasn't set. She did not _feel_ as if she was ready to say good-bye for good just yet, which was probably the reason she kept ending up back in his arms. She'd been so good at ignoring her emotions in New York and now that she was back in Toronto, things had changed. She felt like a teenager, very impulsive and hard to control. Then again, any and all emotions she felt in New York weren't even half of what she felt in Toronto with Tom Quincy in distance.

She knew once she boarded the plane to return to New York, things would be better. That she would return back to her same old routine, that he'd fall back into his, and this minor slip up would never occur to Lucas. She knew what she had to do. She had to finally cut the cord.

They, Jude and Tommy, had always spoke through music. It was their _thing_. And she knew that's what she had to do now. She'd spoke to him in words, but never through music. He always seemed to get things clearer where music was involved.

As she opened the door to the rehearsal space, a plan began to hatch. A familiar melody began playing in her head as she kicked her shoes off and began to strip from her dress. Softly she began to sing, heading towards the bathroom to shower. Her heart nearly dropped as she heard someone clear their throat.

She quickly whipped around, trying to cover her half-dressed body only to see Lucas sitting on the couch with his ankle crossed over his knee. He stared at her as if he barely knew her before standing up.

"Well," He said finally, after a few seconds of silence. "fancy seeing you here."

"What're you doing...?" Jude asked, before being cut off by him.

"I could ask you the same thing, Jude." He said, the anger evident on his face as he began to pace the short space in front of the couch. "I thought you were staying here last night?" He stopped and looked at her, taking in her disheveled appearance. He knew she was with someone else (and he had an idea of _who_) but refused to acknowledge the idea. He always thought she was better than that, but internally he scoffed at the idea.

He really didn't know her at all.

"I – I couldn't sleep last night" She lied quickly, stepping towards him. "I was here all night. I just came from the roof...I wanted to see the sunrise."

Her eyes came to rest on his and he wasn't sure whether to believe her or not.

"Oh?" He said, as more of a question, his eyebrows knit as he reassessed her. A breath passed and he finally spoke. "And how was it?"

"Beautiful," She said, tentatively opening her arms to him for a hug. "I've found resolve."

She buried her nose in his neck, taking a breath. "I love you," She murmured before pulling back and giving him a soft kiss on the lips. "And I want to record today. I'm going to pull out some of the stuff I recorded in New York and bring them to light."

Confusion swept his features and she realized he had no idea of this. "You recorded while you were in New York?" He said, the confusion in his voice mirroring the expression on his face. "Even while you were with Vogue?"

Jude nodded, stooping at her purse sitting on the end of the couch and pulling out a brush. "Yeah," She said, giving him a funny look. "I am a musician at heart, Lucas. I couldn't just _give up_ music. That's not who I am."

Lucas nodded, seeing her point. "Okay," He said, watching as she methodically brushed her hair out. "So we're going to the studio across town?"

"No." Jude said, bent over her hair hanging over the front of her face. "G-Major. I want to be in my element."

"Alright, you're the boss."

"Good." She flipped her hair up, a bright smile on her face. "Let me shower and we can go. Please tell me you brought clothes for me."

"Yes," He said, gesturing towards the bag that sat near to where he was sitting before. "Sadie made sure everything matched and gave it to me."

"Awesome." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll be in and out, promise."

_About an hour later, _Jude and Lucas stroll through the doors of G-Major hand in hand. Before taking a shower, Jude had gotten a hold of Darius and told him she wanted her old crew back in the studio: Tom and Kwest. He asked her a billion times it seemed if that's what she wanted, after all he did see her the night she left and how Tom had broken her. He didn't want to see that again. She reassured him that it was what she wanted, that she wanted to make good music again and despite the tiff between her and Tommy, he knew good music. Darius said that he would have a talk with Tommy and would see her soon. Secretly, in the back of her mind, she was itching to see Tommy. To make music with him again. In all her years, between switching producers when she was a teenager to recording with Lucas these past few weeks, there was nothing like recording with Tommy. There was something to be said about the music they made together.

Kwest was outside of Studio A, coffee mug in hand and a smile on his face. "Jude." He said, giving her a hug. "Ready to make some magic, girl?"

"Definitely." She said, releasing Lucas' hand and giving him a quick peck before going into the sound booth. Lucas knew his place, she'd consented to him being producer on her album, and followed behind Kwest and taking a seat behind the soundboard.

Jude never found the right way to tell Luke that Tommy would be sitting in on the session and watched him impatiently as she waited for him to show up. Hopefully she could talk him into staying. She didn't need to be a psychic to know that he didn't care for Tommy, but he also needed to realize that she came with a past – a past that wasn't easy to escape – and one that he'd have to cope with...at least, for now.

When Tom did finally stroll in the door, a half an hour later, she seen Lucas visibly tighten up. Before any words could be said between the men, she spoke into the mic that could be heard directly in the booth they were in.

"Lucas." She said firmly. "Now, I asked him to be in here. He was my producer for a long time and knows what he's doing. I'm not replacing you, but I want you guys to collaborate."

"You're not serious, Jude." Lucas said, looking from her to Tommy then back again.

"As a heart attack, babe." She said, nodding her head. "I told you I love you. Just please, do this for me?" She batted her eyelashes a few times and she could see him begin to ease up.

"Okay. Only for you."

"Thank you," She said, looking to Tommy who said nothing but took a seat on the other side of Kwest and put on a pair of headphones. Their eyes met and a thousand words flew between them causing Jude to look away first.

"So, Q," Kwest said from inside the booth. "Jude's already got the track selected and a lot of it she already took care of in New York."

"In New York?" Tom asked, quizzically, the same confusion sweeping of his features as it did Lucas' earlier when she'd mentioned recording there herself.

"Yeah," Kwest said, nodding his head and tweaking a few knobs on the sound board. "Apparently she's got a whole plethora of music from when she first moved there. I couldn't believe it myself when she told me she kept recording despite leaving this life."

Tom was skeptical. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the things she'd recorded upon first moving, afraid that it might tear his heart up. He was on the sharp end of her songs before, taking the brute force of her words. He was strong then and could deal.

Now? Now he wasn't so sure.

"Okay, Jude Harrison. Wide Awake. Take 1." Kwest spoke into the microphone and cued her in.

"_I'm wide awake_." Her voice echoed through the sound booth causing Tommy's and Lucas' head to both snap up from the sound board, their eyes fixed on her. "_I'm wide awake...I'm wide awake._"

The music started and Jude closed her eyes, feeling the song. "_Yeah, I was in the dark, I was falling hard with an open heart._" She kicked off her heels, recording barefoot as she normally **always** did. "I'm wide awake. How did I read the stars so wrong?" She opened her eyes and looked down at her notebook filled with the lyrics from when she first arrived in New York. She resolved she wouldn't do all the songs, she wouldn't dare release all her demons, but she did want to let some of the work out. She knew some of her best work came from when emotions are running high. "_I'm wide awake and now it's clear to me that everything you see ain't always what it seems._"

As she sung, she remembered writing this song within the first few months of her new life as Samantha Harris. "_I'm wide awake. Yeah, I was dreaming for so long..._"

She was full of regret and hate and anger at not only Tommy, but herself as well. How many people had told her to avoid getting involved with him? A lot. And in true Jude fashion she ignored them all and jumped in feet first, never once listening to a thing anyone said. If only she listened...

"_I wish I knew then what I know now...wouldn't dive in, wouldn't bow down_."

Tom's heart twanged painfully as he listened to her sing and though it hurt worse, he kept his eyes trained on her. It had been so long since they'd been in the studio together, doing what they did best – make music – and he'd forgotten the aura she gave off as she poured her soul out. "_Gravity hurts, you made it so sweet...'til I woke up on – on the concrete!_" She looked up from the notebook then, her blue eyes shining. Tom and Lucas stared in awe, both in love with the same woman – though Lucas was in love with **Samantha**, not Jude. He barely knew her, but what he did know was she full of emotion, talented, and hard to contain. The red hair matched her attitude. Bright, eye-catching, and fiery. "_Falling from cloud nine! Crashing from the hi-igh! I'm letting go tonight...yeah, I'm falling from cloud ni-ine!_" Her eyes flashed to Tommy. "_I'm wide awake..._"

Memories flooded her senses as she remembered finally being able to breathe without feeling like a ten ton weight was on her chest. She was finally able to venture out during the day to go somewhere besides work. Central Park. Her favorite place in New York. So open, so full of life. She used to sit near the playground, watching the kids play carelessly on the playground and wishing she were them. "_Not losing any sleep, I picked up every piece and landed on my feet._" She looked to Lucas, who smiled at her. She was so beautiful to him and she hurt, he knew. "_I'm wide awake. Need nothing to complete myself, no._" Though he was dying to know what it was that drove her away from Toronto, he dare not pry. He knew better than that. He wanted her to tell him on her own accord. "_I'm wide awake. Yeah, I am born again out of the lion's den. I don't have to pretend_." She looked over to Tommy and sang the words to him. "_And it's too late. The story's over now, the end._"

Tom finally broke his gaze and looked down at the board. His heart overflowed with a mix of love and pain. Why did he do what he did? He still couldn't understand what was going through his mind that night. Things were so fucked up at his home, with his life, and he never ever wanted Jude to see that. He didn't want to fall from the pedestal she had put him on. "I wish I knew then what I know now...wouldn't dive in, wouldn't bow down." But she came to New Brunswick and seen his history, where he came from and even though she said she still loved him despite it all – he had a hard time believing it. "Gravity hurts, you made it so sweet...til I woke up on – on the concrete!" Why couldn't she have just stayed in Toronto? Despite his want to put the blame on her, he knew it was truly his fault. It was him who decided to call Angel, it was him who decided to snort the line. "_Falling from cloud nine,_" Around them her recorded voice echoed through the speakers, _it was out of the blue. "_I'm crashing from the high! I'm letting go tonight!"

_Yeah, I'm letting you go_. It was him who decided to not run after her and try to make her stay, though what she chose to do – leaving and assuming a new alias – was not what he expected. "_I'm falling from cloud nine!_" He thought she would go home and they'd hash it out the next day, not a year and a half later.

"_I'm wide awake. Thunder rumbling! Castles crumbling! I'm wide awake. I am trying to hold on!_" Her knees bent slightly and eyes closed as she put her heart into it, her hands cupping the headphones to her ears. "_I'm wide awake. God knows that I tried seeing the bright side! I'm wide awake. I'm not blind anymore.._."

Her voice echoed around them and the three men at the sound board entranced as she poured her emotions freely. "_I'm wide awake – I'm wide awake..._"

Kwest frowned slightly, seeing his sister in-law in such a state. He wanted to hug her, wanted to console her like he knew Sadie would. As if he'd sent her a mental text, he heard the door open and shut quietly from his free ear. He looked over his shoulder and gave her a nod. She turned her gaze to her baby sister and awe took over her as it had the rest of them. "_Yeah, I'm falling from cloud nine (it was out of the blue). I'm crashing from the hi-igh! You know I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)...I'm falling from cloud ni-ine!_"

It was amazing to see Jude perform again. Doing what she was born to do. Sadie filled with pride as she watched her sing. "_I'm wide awake...I'm wide awake...I'm wide awake...I'm wide awake...I'm wide awake._"

Slowly her eyes slid open to see the four in the sound booth still as statues, their eyes glued to her. She smiled before tearing the headphones from her ears and running from the studio. Sadie quickly followed out after her, knowing where she would go to.

Lucas peered over at Tommy, pissed at his presence now that Jude had stopped recording. "You know she was doing so well until she came back here." He murmured to no one, but directing it at Tommy. "She was happy..."

"Or so you thought." Tommy cut in, angered by Lucas' presence as well. "You knew _Samantha_, **not Jude Harrison**."

"Yeah, well if she was so happy as Jude Harrison, then why didn't she stay?"

"You guys!" Kwest put his hands up on either side of him. "Let's focus on mixing this and put the drama on the back burner."

He gave Lucas then Tommy a look, he already knew that D had a talk with Tommy already. He was surprised that Tommy had kept his mouth shut this long, but he didn't expect Lucas to say something. Kwest didn't know him that well, but he never looked to Lucas as the one to taunt.

Both men nodded silently, facing the board. Kwest sighed, looking up at the door as he was putting on his headphones. He hoped Jude was okay, it was a powerful song to record and he was sure Tommy being present wasn't making it any easier...

Sadie followed Jude to the fire escape, the cold air greeting her with a chill. "Jude?" She said, approaching her baby sister not knowing what to expect. Jude had been so full of emotions these days, it was harder to gauge her reaction than it once was. "Are you okay?"

Jude stood hunched over one of the railings, her forearms resting on the pole with her head hanging between her arms. She breathed silently and lifted her head. "Yeah," She said with a nod, her eyes looking out over the tops of the surrounding buildings that made up the Toronto skyline. "I just never really planned on playing any music from when I first left Toronto, let alone in front of _Tom DuTois_ himself." She turned around and looked at Sadie, her eyes sad but no sign of tears in sight.

Just then, Jude's cellphone began to ring. She reached in the deep pocket of the skirt she wore and retrieved her Sidekick. Noticing the familiar New York phone number, she answered it quickly. "Hello?" She said, biting her bottom lip.

"Hello. I'm looking to speak with Miss Harrison." The bubbly voice on the other end of the line spoke.

"Yes, this is Miss Harrison." Sadie gave her a funny look for such a formal title and Jude shrugged.

"Hello, yes. This is Annabelle's assistant, Stephanie." Jude's eyes widened. Annabelle was the editor of Vogue, her boss. She hadn't spoken to or heard from Annabelle since she left for California when she was still Samantha Harris. "She asked me to get a hold of you...how would you like to see Big Ben?"

"Are you serious?" Jude said stunned, leaving Sadie in even deeper anticipation.

"Maybe a little too much, Miss Harrison. I've already asked Nicole and if you agree, you two are London bound as soon as you arrive home."

"I – I don't know..." Jude said, her mind on overdrive. London was a dream of hers. "I'll have to think about it."

"Okay. Annabelle would still like you to come in for a meeting when you get home."

"Alright, I will phone the office when I get home." Jude said, a smile still on her face.

After their good byes, Jude squealed and hopped up in down in her spot.

"What? What is it, Jude? The suspense is killing me!"

"I was just offered to go to London by Vogue..."

Sadie looked at Jude, confusion written all over her face. "But – I thought you were going to start working on your new album?"

"I can still do that," Jude tucked her phone back in her pocket and pushed her hair from her face. "you of all people should already know that G-Major has a branch there."

"True, but..." Sadie stopped short. She didn't want Jude to go far, she already missed Jude enough with her being absent for over a year. Now that she was out, Sadie was free to visit Jude when ever she wanted in New York but London...? That was way too far.

"But what?" Jude said, shivering slightly in the cold.

"Nothing." Sadie shook her head. "It was nothing."

Jude shrugged, grabbing Sadie by the elbow and pulling her towards the building. "Come on...my feet are getting cold." She wiggled her bare toes as she laughed.

* * *

Later in the day, after touching up on the recording Jude and Lucas headed back to Jude's childhood home. There was an unknown car in the driveway and Jude was wondering what that was about. She grabbed her bags and headed into the house with Lucas trailing behind her. He never told her about the little spat with Tommy, he was silently brewing inside. The man pissed him off and if he said anything to Jude, she'd freak and he knew she didn't need that.

She was humming a tune as they opened the front door, expecting to see Sadie resting on the couch with Kwest beside her. Instead, Stuart Harrison sat on the couch with a tall, slim brunette sitting beside him. They both were laughing about something and Jude could hear Kwest telling a story about when him and Sadie went ziplining.

"Dad? Oh my God!" She cried, rushing over to him. He opened his arms up and enveloped her in a hug.

"Oh, Peanut...I've missed you." He murmured into her hair, using his pet name for her.

"I've missed you too, Daddy."

He was the anchor of the Harrison family. When tough times came for the Harrison girls, it was always Stuart there for them. Victoria had always been too preoccupied with work or with other things besides her two daughters. Tears formed in Jude's eyes as she realized how long it'd been since she'd had an honest to God hug. Sure, Lucas embraced her but it never felt quite right – not the kind of embrace she needed.

She needed her family. Something she'd been without for over a year, or even more. Before she'd left for New York, Stuart was busy with work trying to catch up on bills that Vicky had left him with, including the divorce payments, Sadie had been deep in her work and building her relationship with Kwest, and Spiederman was focused on his reality show and Karma. There was no room for Jude to fit in, except with Tommy. And when that all came crashing down, she had no one left...so _she _left.

"How've you been, baby girl? Sadie filled me in on this past year or so. You took off to New York?" He held her back at arm's length and gave her the once over. He was shocked at how her attire had changed, never in his life did he think he'd see his tomboy daughter in high heels and a dress. She was so much more skinnier than he remembered and she looked tired. He frowned. Life had done a number on his youngest, the one he was closest with and for the first time in years, he felt guilty for letting his daughters down as he did.

"I've been okay, Dad. Been recording again. New York was a rash decision, but it's one I'm glad I made."

"I'm glad, sweetie. It's so good to see you. I've missed you so much." He pulled her in for a hug, relishing in the feel of his youngest daughter in his arms.

"Me too, Dad." She whispered, squeezing him tight. When they pulled apart, she smiled at him a glassy eyed smile. "So, how long are you in town?"

"I've actually been looking at some places. We're looking to get one across town."

"We?" She gave him a sly look, a smile playing upon her lips.

"Yes, we." He said, letting go of Jude's hands and gesturing for the brunette to stand up beside him. "Jude, I want you to meet my fiance...Amber Logan."

Amber stuck her hand out, a smile upon her face. "Hello, Jude. Nice to finally meet you." She said as Jude took her hand and gave it a shake. "As much as your dad talked about you, I feel as if I know you already."

"Aw, well...it's nice to meet you too." She said, feeling awkward. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and reached behind her for Lucas' hand. "Dad, there's someone I want you to meet as well..."

She pulled Lucas up beside her and rubbed his arm. "Dad, meet my boyfriend Lucas Michaels and Lucas meet my father, Stuart."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Harrison." Lucas said, extending his hand and giving him a firm shake.

"You as well, Lucas." Stuart said, a smile on his face though thoroughly confused about why it was not Tommy by her side. Just when Stuart became less involved with his daughter's lives, he was finally accepting Tommy and Jude's romance. Sadie hadn't told him the whole story about why Jude left, but he wasn't a dumb man – he was beginning to piece it together little by little.

"Well!" Sadie cut in, standing up and straightening the shirt she wore. "Kwest is making dinner...would everyone like to move into the kitchen?"

* * *

Tommy staggered into his apartment later that night, his mind and heart heavy after the session with Jude. For once, he wasn't drunk...just tired. He'd left G-Major just after they'd finished mixing her song and just drove. He drove through Toronto, out into the boonies – passing by the church where they spent that fateful day – and almost into the next town before he turned around and drove home. His thoughts plagued him throughout the drive but he thought a lot of things out. Jude meant a lot to him, not just in a romantic way. She'd set him up straight all those years ago, fresh off Instant Star. Though she was just a kid himself, she turned him into a man. She made him realize what he wanted and though it was her he wanted, he knew at the moment he couldn't have her.

They were destined to be, however, and he was determined to get them back to the place they once were. Even if it took him groveling at her feet like the pathetic man that he seemed at times.

He dropped his keys on the table by the door and ventured through his apartment, finding himself in the makeshift music room he made a few years back when he and Jude were still in a good place. He'd meant to show it to her, but never had the chance when ever she came to his apartment – they were always preoccupied with _other _things.

Tommy fell into a swivel chair, sighing heavily as he did. The day had emotionally drained him. Jude had emotionally drained him. He wanted her so bad and it seemed like every time he had her – she slipped between his fingers. Absentmindedly he picked up a guitar and began to strum, his mind still far off in Jude-land.

"And this is how you remind me..." He hummed softly, his eyes focused on a spot the wall ahead of him. "...I been wrong, I been down to the bottom of every bottle..."

It'd been years since he wrote anything, '_Frozen_' was his last attempt. Darius had made him feel inadequate as a song writer but he realized now he just needed more life experience – more experience than just hotel parties and drunk whores. "These five words in my head...scream are we..." He stopped short, setting the guitar down and running out to the kitchen to find something to write on.

Because he didn't write like that – or at all, really – he didn't have hoards of notebooks just lying around for his use. Instead he settled on an old piece of mail, using the blank side of an envelope to begin jotting down the lyrics he heard in his head. A few hours later, he had an almost complete song. A lighter feeling had awaken in his soul, something good had to be coming.

And as he lay his head down on his pillow that night he realized what he needed to do to get Jude back. He needed to show her that he changed and actually meant what he said. He needed to change. He was going to become a better man and hopefully get Jude where she belonged...with him.

* * *

Oh, hey. _Like what you read_? Review!


	41. Omniscient POV part quinze

**Author's Note:** Lucas is going to rear his ugly head today! Ahh! This is a drama filled chapter. The truth about why Jude left comes out, including a secret she'd kept hidden away, and the moment you've all been waiting for! (Bum bum buuummm...) Please review! I appreciate each and every one. Today I am retesting for my EMT certification (I failed my first practical testing a few weeks ago due to my partner)! Wish me luck! I have more faith this time as I can test _alone_. Thinking of updating within the next few days, though I don't know how well that will work out with work this weekend, my written EMT test tomorrow (eep!), and the SUPERBOWL! By the way, who else watches football? My hometown team is playing! Baltimore Ravens! :) I'm so excited. Lol. But I promise to update soon! 3

**Things I Do Not Own: **The songs featured in this chapter: Lovers' Eyes by Mumford and Sons (my all-time favorite band right now), Hallelujah by Paramore, Jude, Tommy Quincy (though I sure do wish I owned his sexy ass...even after all these years I still have a soft spot for Tim Rozon...*swoon*), Sadie Harrison, or the rest of the Instant Star crew.

**Things I Do Own: **As always, the Michaels' family and this story line are mine. Ho-hum. I wish I had some multi-million dollar idea that would get me rich and famous, so I could totally quit my job as a cashier and pay off these loans from my first college bit. Blah! Maybe one day!

Read and _enjoy_! I hope it's up to your standards!

* * *

Chapter 39: LoveFool/Hold Onto What You Believe

Christmas at the Harrison household had always been a festive event with many decorations and numerous family members stopping by to see the growing daughters of Stuart and Victoria. Over the years, it winded down and eventually on Christmas it would just be Stuart, Victoria, and the two girls. Jude reminisced on those days as she helped Sadie decorate the tree four days before the blessed day. The previous night, Stuart and Jude went out like they used to and chose a tree to cut down and bring home. They'd talked about a number of things, Tommy being one of them...

"Jude," Stuart started as they walked through the fourth aisle of trees, trying to find the perfect one. "I – I know I'm your father and you don't always want to tell me everything pertaining to your life...but what happened that made you run to New York? I raised you to face your problems, not run from them. What was so different this time that you feel like you couldn't stay?"

"Something..." Jude started, purposely looking at the trees with more interest than she had. "Something happened with Tommy. I tried to help him when...when he went to New Brunswick for his mother. I should've stayed. I should have just listened to him and stayed at home, but I followed him. His home life was nothing like I'd expected and he ended up getting locked up the day I came." She looked down at her feet, donned in snow boots. "I told him I loved him, that despite everything he thought of himself that he was still Little Tommy Q to me, that I knew he had a good heart. He pushed me away, so I left and went home."

She paused and Stuart took the moment to cut in. "Well, that's not so bad, honey. You didn't have to leave for that reason."

"I'm not finished, Dad." She said softly, stopping and turning to face him. "I came home and was okay. I recorded some songs, SME and I had a few jam sessions, but I'd been feeling sick and realized I was a few days _late_." And here it came, the secret she held in and kept from everyone. She forced herself to forget, pushed it into the far recesses of her mind and focused on other endeavors. "I did a pregnancy test and...and it came back positive. I was so excited to tell Tommy, thinking he would be as excited as I was. That was until I remembered how he'd acted towards me in New Brunswick."

Stuart stood in shock, not able to move a muscle. This wasn't what he expected when he asked Jude about leaving. Guilt drove into him more, wishing he could turn back time and be there for his little girl.

"I thought to apologize. I wanted things to be okay between us." Tears began to well up in her eyes and she sniffled, wiping her nose on the back of her gloved hand. "I _loved_ him, Dad. He was my world...he was all I had at the time. Sadie was focused on her job and her relationship with Kwest. Spiederman with Karma and their show. Jamie with his new record label, not that he wanted to talk to me after I chose Tommy over him." She shook her head, not wanting to say anymore but having no choice. She'd gone this far.

"So...so when Tommy came back, I found out he was at the studio. I went there to find him, to apologize, to make things right...to tell him about the news. But when I got there..." She shook her head, tears falling more rapidly. "...when I got there, I caught him – I caught him with some girl, snorting coke from his office desk. I knew he had drug problems in the past, I'd seen him hungover at work a few times even before we got together, but he'd swore to me that it was over. I was so mad I seen red."

Stuart wiped a few tears from his cheeks, his heart breaking for his youngest daughter. "I smacked him, I didn't let him explain. I ran out and found Darius. I told him I wanted to leave, that I didn't want a trace of me to be found. I made him let me go. I couldn't stay in Toronto and I didn't want the..." She whispered the next word, not wanting to speak it aloud. "_baby _to be around him or the pit of hell that I felt I was in. So...Darius fixed me up. I dyed my hair, I got color contacts, new identification cards and a passport. I became Samantha Harris, someone who loved fashion and writing and came from Midwestern America. I became someone so far from who I actually was. In New York I didn't have to face my problems and I was happy about that."

Stuart was speechless as he stood unable to move a bone in his body. "A-And the baby?" He asked, his mind in a flurry of thoughts and feelings. "Do I have a grandchild?"

Jude choked out a sob, shaking her head. "It wasn't meant to be." She said sadly. "I miscarried at sixteen weeks."

"Oh, honey." He said, pulling her into his arms and hugging her tightly. "I'm so, so sorry. I should've been there..."

"Don't blame yourself, Dad." She said as she held onto him, tears coming down in streams. "What's worse is that _I still love him_. I hate him...God, do I hate him, but at the same time I love him. My heart feels so full with him, but I can't forget what he's done...what he chose to do."

Stuart was torn, he knew Jude was hurting but he'd taken a liking to Tom prior to this happening. He had a feeling that if Jude had told Tommy about the baby, that he'd have straightened up. "Peanut...you should have told him" Was all he could muster up to say.

"I couldn't...it hurt too much to see what I saw. I know I should have told him, but..." She took in a shaky breath. "I don't know. I didn't want to regret telling him, I didn't want him to not live up to my expectations. I can deal with him hurting me...but if he'd hurt our child..."

Stuart nodded, pulling in for another hug and stroking her head. "It's okay," He said, shushing her as another round of tears came upon her. They stood silently in the middle of the tree farm, Stuart consoling her as he'd done years prior. "Have you talked to him, and I mean _really _talked to him at any point since you've been home?"

"No." Jude said, pulling back and shaking her head. She wiped her nose on the back of her gloved hand and turned to start walking again. "I can't bring myself to say anything to him with any real meaning." She left out the details of their spontaneous love making, her dad didn't need to know _everything._ "I keep trying to tell him good bye, but I can't seem to mean it."

"Maybe that should tell you something then, Jude..." He said as he stared at her back as she kept a few paces ahead of him, knowing that she ignored what he just said.

Suddenly, Jude stopped and pointed. "This! It's perfect!"

...Jude confessed to her father and though it felt better to finally have the real _truth_ out in the open, she couldn't nag the sense of depression in her heart. She knew he was right, she should have told Tommy about the baby. Maybe he would've cleaned his act up. But the operative word being maybe had made her scared when she initially found out about the baby and then walking in on him doing _that_.

She finished hanging the ornament from her first Christmas on the tree and looked out the window as it began to snow again. Lucas had left earlier, telling her he had some business to attend to with the label. With being in Toronto so much, she was sure that it wasn't doing good for TGS. She was itching to get into the studio and record, but Lucas wasn't available to produce and Kwest was here with Sadie, spending some much needed quality time, so she couldn't ask him.

Figuring that she could do it on her own, after all she had recorded on her own for over a year in New York, she slipped out the door without Kwest or Sadie noticing. Within a half an hour, Jude found herself at G-Major. The label was quiet, due to how close it was to Christmas. Many of the office attendants were off to travel to visit their families for the holidays.

She wandered through hospitality, towards the studios and drowned herself in the memories of G-Major. When she opened the door to Studio A, she was met with the sound of a lone guitar being played. The sound booth was empty, but when she stepped into the room more she could see Tommy on the other side of the glass, guitar on his knee and his head down as he played. Staying in the shadows, she watched as he played with such emotion. His voice cut in and she found herself falling into a chair at lyrics.

"_Well, love was kind...for a time and now it just aches and it makes me blind." _His voice was soft as he leaned his head up, eyes closed and mouth directed towards the microphone and it occurred to her that he was recording. "_This mirror holds...my eyes too bright, but I can't see the others in my life._"

Tommy had realized he need to heal himself before trying to commit himself to Jude. There were so many demons he'd avoided, and not just since Jude had left, but even before then. Things that had tailed around with him in his life, from his fucked up home life to his drugged out years to the alcohol that consumed his life after that and to everything he'd done to numb the feelings he had when Jude had left. He'd never gotten a true education. Something he wanted to change. Something he _needed_ to change. "_Were we too young? Our heads too strong to bear the weight of these lovers' eyes? Cause I feel numb beneath your tongue...beneath the curse of these lovers' eyes._"

Music would heal him, he knew. The past few days since he'd decided he needed to change, he'd spent writing songs. He had about four or five written and he wanted to approach Darius about releasing an album. Because he knew how he reacted when he'd asked before, when Jude attempted to get Frozen from behind locked doors, he resolved to record a demo and use that to convince Darius. _"Do not ask the price I've paid – I must live with my quiet rage. Tame the ghosts in my head, that run wild and wish me dead._" This was one of the best songs he'd written...ever. Even with Jude, who together composed many a hit, he had to admit that nothing this good had ever come from him. "_Should you shake my ash to the wind...Lord, forget all of my sins. Oh, let me die where I lie – 'neath the curse of my lover's eyes._"

Jude watched with interest as he sung, never truly realizing the talent Tommy possessed until that moment. "_'Cause there's no drink or drug I've tried...to rid the curse of these lovers' eyes. And I feel numb beneath your tongue. Your strength just makes me feel less strong._" She watched in awe, feeling guilt bubble inside her at all the times she'd poked fun at him for his boy band years, always making it seem as if he were less talented than she for that. "_But do not ask the price I've paid, I must live with __my quiet rage. Tame the ghosts in my head, that run wild and wish me dead._"

The song was nothing less than perfection, she admitted to herself. The sound of the guitar and his rough voice, it was swoon-worthy. From the shadows of the sound booth, her eyes teared. She shouldn't have ran. She should've stayed and hashed it out for their baby's sake, but even then – she didn't make it past four months. It probably would've caused more waves in their shaky relationship. _"Should you shake my ash to the wind, Lord forget all of my sins. Oh, let me die where I lie...'neath the curse of my lover's _eyes." Though part of her was happy with her decision, there were times where she'd give anything to go back and change that night – hell, change the fact that she'd went to New Brunswick and fucked it all up in the first place. Maybe if she hadn't pushed for him to let her into his world, things wouldn't have went so horribly. After all, he did say he wasn't perfect though in her eyes she held him up to be that way.

"_I'll walk slow...I'll walk slow. Take my hand and help me on my way. I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow. Take my hand, I'll be on way._" He sang with conviction in his voice and Jude watched in awe. "_And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow...take my hand, help me on my way! And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow...take my hand and help me on my way!_"

As he ended the song, Jude stood up from the chair she fell in and approached the sound board. "That was really good, Tom." She said into the microphone leading to Tom's headphones, causing him to jump in shock. He hadn't realized anyone was listening, let alone the song's muse.

"Thanks, Jude." He said quietly, looking through the glass...looking through her. "I hadn't realized you were listening."

"I came in by chance." She said softly, brushing her hair from her face. "I wanted to record...hadn't realized you were here."

"Yeah," He said, standing up and setting the guitar on the holder. "I'm recording a demo for Darius."

"Does he know?"

"Not really. I'm gonna spring this on him."

"Oh," She said nodding, feeling awkward with the cold unfamiliarity in which they were referring to each other. As if they never had a past. "well, I think it's a perfectly good song to spring on him. He'll love it."

Tom took off his headphones and wandered into the sound booth with Jude. They looked at one another, their gazes meeting and holding. There was so much unspoken between them, so much to say but Jude didn't know where to start. She dropped her eyes first and set her bag on one of the chairs in front of the sound board. "I –" She started, her eyes on the floor.

"You wanted to record?" He said at the same time.

Her eyes rose to meet his, shining with anticipation. "Yes, I do." She said, a small smile playing upon her lips.

"Well, let's do this then..." A look of apprehension crossed her face momentarily. "If you're okay with me sitting in..."

"No, I – I don't mind at all. I do need help with running back and forth setting the recording anyways." She said, biting her lip.

"Okay," He said with a nod and moved towards the sound board to download and burn the song he just recorded. There was no mixing to be done. He wanted to present the song to Darius as it was. Stripped down, raw, and real. "so what song were we doing?"

She was bent over, digging through her purse for her journal. "I wanted to record the song.." She trailed off, still digging. The purse was so big and full of things, she happened to lose them sometimes. She stood up triumphantly, journal in hand. "I wanted to record what I wrote for Sadie when she was still in the hospital."

"Sounds good to me." He said, beginning to fiddle with the sound board. "Get in there, girl."

She flinched slightly when he called her '_girl_'. That was his pet name for her from a long time ago, before things became so fucked up. It brought back memories that left a sour taste on her tongue. "O-okay." She said quietly, moving to go into the recording booth and subsequently bumping into Tommy at the same time.

His cologne filled her senses and she nearly fell until he caught her, his hand resting on her lower back. Her breath caught in her throat as her heart thudded a beat inside her chest. They locked gazes and for a second it seemed as if the world stopped. "I – I'm sorry, Jude." He said, his breathing shallow and quickened.

"No, no..." She brushed it off, forcing herself to stand on her own two feet. "That was my fault."

Awkwardly they tried to get around each other, going in the same direction every time. Finally Tommy stopped and stood still. "Go ahead," He said, looking away towards the board.

Quickly she raced into the recording booth and set up the microphone as she preferred it and kicked off her heels. As she slipped on her headphones, Tom's voice came through.

"What's this song called?"

"Hallelujah," Jude said simply, flipping through her journal to find the page with the lyrics scrawled on the page. Without hesitation she picked up the electric guitar from beside the acoustic one Tommy just used and put the strap over her shoulder.

"Alright," Tom said as he took a seat, beginning to flip switches and turn knobs. "Hallelujah. Take 1."

She began picking out the chords, her eyes closing as she remembered writing the song. Sadie lying in the hospital bed, appearing to only be asleep, though her life was in limbo – no one quite sure if she would wake up or not. Jude, though, she had had faith in her sister. She was stronger than Jude was herself and she knew without a doubt that she would make it through the ordeal unscathed.

"_Somehow everything's gonna fall...right into place..._"

* * *

Sometime later, they finished recording and sat in the studio together, beginning to mix the song. She laid down the initial track and did her own back up guitar and vocals. The only piece that was missing was the drum track and she would have Kyle come in later to lay it down, that they would add on later. The awkwardness of earlier had dissipated and they were able to function with some sort of cordiality, which Tom felt grateful for. He missed hearing her laugh. He missed seeing her smile. Hell, he missed everything about her...not that he'd go shouting that to the world.

They were laughing about Sadie and Kwest, a mutual subject they could speak upon with no tense moments or awkward silences, when Lucas wandered into the studio.

"What's so funny?" He said, surprising them both.

Jude looked up with tears in her eyes and a smile plastered across her face. "We were just talking about Sadie," She said, standing up and walking over to give him a kiss. "Ever since she came home from the hospital Kwest has been acting like she's a porcelain doll. I was telling Tom about the other night when Sadie fell in the kitchen and she nearly beat Kwest with her cane when he tried to pick her up." Though the event had scared Jude, she knew her sister was okay. It was just taking her some time to get where she used to be. There was no sense in babying her. Sadie had been independent for as long as she could remember.

Lucas nodded with a small smile, not pleased to see his girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend on a seemingly mutual level with one another. He pulled her to the side and said quietly. "What are you doing in here?" He asked, his eyebrows knit together. "I thought you said you wanted nothing to do with him after he hurt you?"

Jude sighed and pursed her lips. "I know I said that." She said as she crossed her arms, feeling defensive of the situation. "But I wanted to record, but when I came in he was doing the same and I couldn't just do it on my own...I needed an extra set of ears, hands even. He was just helping me."

"You could have called me." He said, giving her a look.

"You were busy working, doing things for your label. I didn't want to bother you."

"Oh." He seemed offended, which confused Jude. "Well, what are you working on?"

"A song I wrote for Sadie." She said, turning from him and walking back to the sound board. "It's not completely finished yet...I still have to get Kyle to come in and do a drum track for me." She reached for the playback button and kissed him on the cheek. "Listen to it, let me know what you think when I come back from the bathroom."

She walked out of the studio quick, her bladder full to the brim. With Tommy in such a close proximity, Lucas could barely focus on the song, let alone his own thoughts. His primal instinct was to reach for him, to hit him and knock some sense into him. He didn't listen to his warning the other night, to leave Jude alone. That Jude was _his _and no longer Tommy's anymore, but the stupid boy didn't seem to get the picture. Not that Jude listened much either. He knew she'd been with him the other night when she'd stayed at the rehearsal space. It was written all over her face. He didn't know how to approach the situation with her.

Tommy could sense the tension in the air but didn't address it. He continued mixing, changing little things here and there, doing his best to ignore Lucas and his presence. However, that wasn't so easy when there was anger rolling off of the man behind him in waves.

"I want to let you know you're not going to get her back." Lucas said matter-of-factually. "She's gone from your grasps. The song the other day should have keyed you in on that little fact."

"Oh yeah?" Tom said, his head still down and eyes on the sound board. "Well, I'm just helping Jude as a friend and former producer." Tom kept himself cool and collected, if he blew up on Lucas like he was itching to do, Jude would return to find them in a screaming match. Somehow, though Lucas started this whole thing, it would come back to blow on him. He'd be the one she blamed. He would be the scapegoat, he knew that.

"I know what you're doing." He said, arms crossed as he leaned in towards Tommy's ear. "You think you're going to get her back, but that's not a possibility. Remember, we were engaged already – she wants to be with me...not you."

"So sure of yourself, aren't you Michaels?" He said as he turned to face him with a smile on his face, knowing that nothing would piss Lucas off more than to see Tommy amused at the situation.

"Yes, I am...she sleeps with me at night, remember? She tells _me_ she loves _me_...not you."

_She doesn't need to tell me._ Tommy thought.

He knew Jude loved him, she just needed a wake up call to realize that she still did. "Now, the question is..." Tom took off his headphones and chucked them on the sound board. "do you know if she means it? Because remember, once upon a time ago...she was mine. And unlike you, I know the real Jude. I know what makes her tick, what body language tells me she's lying. I know when she's hurting without her speaking a word." He stood up, getting in Lucas' face. He was tired of this California pretty boy thinking he could come from out of nowhere and tell him what he should be doing. "I know what makes her _hot_ without even _touching _her." He knew that killed him, he could read it on Lucas' face like a book. "Now tell me, pretty boy...can you do all those things?"

Lucas jerked Tom up by the collar of his button up shirt, his fist balled at his side. Just as he was about to speak, Jude walked in. "Lucas!" She said, rushing over to them and pushing Lucas away from Tom. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Trying to tell this man that you're _mine_ and to stay away from you! You don't need him in your life anymore!"

"Yours?! I'm _yours_?" Jude yelled, her blood boiling. She never liked being branded someone's property. She sure as hell wasn't a car or a house. "I'm my own person! I belong to _no one!_"

"You're with _me_, though, and all this bastard here keeps doing is interfering!" He held his hand out, gesturing to Tommy who stood behind Jude. "He _hurt_ you, beyond repair! If I can recall you saying so!"

"Yes, he did and we are recording and mixing a song! To put on my album, remember? It's not like I'm sitting here fucking his brains out!"

"No, you've already done that, right..." He said, looking her square in the eyes with his jaw set.

"Excuse me?" She said, her head cocked to the side. "Can you repeat that?"

"I said, you already fucked his brains out. Why do it again?"

"Because I'm that good..." Tommy threw in, a smirk on his face.

"Shut up, Quincy." Jude said, throwing him a venomous look over his shoulder. "No one asked for your opinion. And I did no –"

"Oh, hop off it, Jude!" Lucas yelled, throwing his hands up. "I know what you did the night you left Fletcher's and stayed at the rehearsal space! I'm not stupid! One does not simply go on the roof to watch the sunrise in sub degree weather! Besides, you looked thoroughly done in when you came staggering through the door!"

"Hey, well I overlooked the night you spent with your so called office 'intern'! When you were supposed to be out on a _date _with _me_!" Jude yelled back, though she knew fighting fire with fire would get no where.

"I didn't sleep with her!"

"Oh, bullshit, Lucas!" Jude cried, half laughing. "Who are you trying to kid?"

"You've lied to me our entire relationship. What does it matter that I had one night with an office intern, showing her the ropes to help me manage a record label? I'll hold onto my word until the day I die...I . .her."

"I lied to you?"

"You think I'm gonna just forget that you just so happened to be a famous Canadian singer in real life and not some '_Samantha Harris, writer for Vogue Magazine_'? You've never been who you said you were! You acted like someone completely different in New York and now back in Toronto, you've done a complete 360! You lied about your whole personality! It makes me wonder if you ever really felt anything for me!"

"Oh, like you're so innocent!" Tommy cut in, seeing Jude on shaky grounds. As much as he hated the man, Lucas had a point. If the shoe was on the other foot, he would be doing the same thing Lucas is doing now.

But.

The shoe wasn't. And he had a carnal need to protect and defend Jude, even if she wasn't involved with him.

"What?" Lucas snapped, looking over Jude's shoulder at Tommy.

"Come on, Luke." Tom said, shrugging his shoulders and crossing his arms over his chest. "Tell her the truth...why not tell Jude how it was _your sister_ who ratted her out to the press! You had to have been in on that. How could you not? From what I've dug around and found, you're _pretty_ close with Calissa."

"You keep her out of this." Lucas threatened.

"Or what?" Tommy taunted, his eyebrows raised.

Lucas reached out to swing at Tommy, but knocked Jude instead. She fell to the side, crashing into the chair, holding the side of her face.

"What the _fuck_!" She cried, standing up and rubbing the side of her face. "This has gotten completely out of my control!"

"Jude, I'm so –" Lucas started, but he was cut off with a resounding smack.

"No, Lucas...save it." She pushed him away. "We're done...we've been done for a while now. I just can't believe it's taken me this long to see it." She moved from between them, grabbing her bag and journal. "Go home. Go back to New York and forget about me. I want nothing to do with you anymore. I can't believe you'd come in here and cause a fight over something you know _nothing_ about. You have _no idea_ why I left Toronto or why I chose to stay away. And as much as I hate Tommy for what happened between us, there still is a mutual respect for him for his knowledge within the music industry." She shook her head, pursing her lips as she looked at him. "You just helped fill in the gaps Tommy left after I came to New York."

Lucas took a step back, letting her words sink in. How dare she? After all that he'd done for her, bought for her. Hell, he even took her to meet his parents. "_Whore_." Was all he could choke out, his thoughts racing a mile a minute.

Before Jude could retort, Tommy stepped up and gave him an uppercut with his left fist. "Get out of my studio, you asshole." He said as he stood over Lucas, who'd fallen over with the hit. "And if _any_ of this hits the press, I will personally make sure you're label goes nowhere but into the ground. You got it?"

Lucas held his jaw, nodding quietly with his lips in a straight line. After Tommy stood up and stepped back from him, he stood up and retreated out of the studio with haste.

"Jude, I – "

"Just stop, Tommy." Jude said, shaking her head. "I can't...I just can't do _this_ right now."

She left the studio, leaving Tommy in a haze of what just happened. With a heavy sigh, he fell back into the chair and put his head in his hand. Just when he thought he making progress...

* * *

Oh, hey...look down there. A review box! How could you read all this and not want to fill that up?


	42. Tom's POV part cinq

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay. My laptop screen finally went up, so I had no access to my own files. I have my father's laptop for some time and had to start all over again. Not to mention my POS job works me to death, so I literally didn't feel any kind of inspiration until just recently. So...

Here is my stab at writing from Tom's point of view. It's been so long that I don't know if I catch the tone that I had in the beginning of the story, but then again – tone's have changed and everyone is a tad more depressed and no one more so than Thomas Quincy. Please be brutally honest when reading this chapter and reviewing. News about the direction of the story after the chapter. Enjoy!

**Things I own:** Finally! A charm bracelet (sort of like a Pandora, but from Shaw's jewelers. Lol). This storyline. And my (not so sound) mind. Har har.

**Things I DON'T Own:** Instant Star and the crew, and though I'm in a committed relationship, I still wish I could have Tim Rozon. ;) Songs featured in this chapter: Liar by Mumford & Sons (the bold lyrics in the beginning of this chapter; I only used four stanzas, though chopped up), Wide Awake by Katy Perry, Hallelujah by Paramore – restyled as Hallelujah (Sadie's Song), Decode by Paramore, Under the Water by The Pretty Reckless, and You by The Pretty Reckless. You is featured at the end and hopefully not confusing. I start the lyrics within the story, as if he's subconsciously thinking about them and work them into Tommy recording them. It's a beautiful song by an awesome band. Check 'em out on the tube.

* * *

Chapter 40: Fix You

It's been approximately forty-eight hours since I've been to sleep. All I can do is sit here on the couch in my living room, clutching the guitar in my lap. Around me is papers strewn about, bits of lyrics and some with actual full songs written on them. Though the words echo my feelings, I still feel like I'm drowning.

Jude's words keep running through my mind, the talk we had – the confession she brought to the air.

_Tom sat in Studio A, listening to the latest recording of SME, when Jude wandered through. It was Christmas Eve and everyone was home with their families or significant others but because Tommy had neither, he decided to come into work and do just that. _

_Which was why he was surprised when Jude came into the studio. Her father was in town, from rumors he heard, and her sister and Kwest were supposed to be celebrating the holiday. He took off the headphones, preparing for a fight or insulting words...whatever she was willing to give him, though personally he couldn't fight any longer. He just wanted to hold her, to feel her without her pushing him away three seconds later. _

**I know that things are broken  
And though there's too many words left unsaid **

_Quietly she sat next to him at the board, fingering some of the knobs before turning her eyes and facing him. "I – I came to talk." She said softly, with a hint of nervousness in her voice. "Not fight, not scream or anything...just really talk." _

_He stayed quiet and watched as she fidgeted with the sound board. He had so much to say, so much to make her realize, but he wanted to hear what she had to say and he knew without a doubt that what he would say would scare her off._

_After a few quiet moments, he spoke softly with his voice cracking. "So..." _

_She breathed and looked at him, her blue eyes reflecting nervousness and sincerity. "I want you to know why I left...what happened after that." She said, biting her lip. "I can't keep this from you."_

"_Okay..." He said, his heart beating a fast rhythm. _

"_I originally had left because I had caught you in your office..." She said, not being able to speak of the actions. "But there's something else. There was something I came to tell you..." He stayed silent, his breathing as shallow as hers was. "I – I – I..." She shook her head, a wave of emotion washing over her. "I came to tell you I was pregnant. I had found out just before you returned from New Brunswick and I wanted to apologize, for pushing too hard down there, and to tell you the good news, but – but when I walked in on you...and her...doing – I just, I couldn't stay." _

_Tommy stared off, shocked and completely stunned. For a moment, he swore he stopped breathing. _

_A child. _His_ child._

"_And?" He finally spoke, looking at her with his chest rising and falling quickly. "The baby? Where is he?"_

_Tears finally began to fall and she let out a sob before covering her mouth with her hand. Though he didn't know what to expect, he reached out and put a hand on her arm. "There – there isn't one." She cried, cradling her hands to her chest. "A month after I settled down in New York, I miscarried." _

**And all these things I can't describe  
You would rather I didn't try **

_Tom sat back in the chair, his hand going up to his mouth as he fought back tears to no avail. Jude bent over in her chair, crying heavily, as he let his tears fall without shame. He had a child. There was a piece of him that was to exist and then it was yanked out from underneath him. When he looked at Jude, he realized she was hurting more than he. Though he was angry at her for leaving like that with such a secret, he could understand her motives. And to live in secret of the baby with no one to know the truth, then to lose said baby with no one to rely on – it couldn't have been easy. As she watched her break down, for probably what was the hundredth time, he knelt down in front of her and slowly pulled her into a hug. He fell to his butt on the floor, with her in his lap and his arms around her. _

_They sat like that for a long while, the two just sharing tears and breaths for the child they would never know. Somewhere along the line, they both fell asleep. Though not the most comfortable position, with Tom's back against the hard back of the sound board and Jude curled up between his legs, they both relished the feeling of each others arms and the comfort of their being. He dreamed they were together, that none of her New York nonsense had occurred and they were still the Tommy and Jude they had always been. They were in a house, one he took was theirs as there were plenty of photos of their family and friends around, and a blonde blue eyed little girl ran up to him. He scooped her into his arms and as he tickled her, she laughed. He could see a mix of Jude and himself in the little girl. _

_He stopped to stare at her, his breath taken away by her. She placed both of her small hands on either side of his face. "I love you, Daddy."_

That was the last time I slept. When I woke up, Jude was gone. No note, nothing. Just gone.

I've been so afraid to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see _her_. Not Jude, but the girl...my daughter. My heart breaks at the thought I could have been a father. Had I only been strong enough to fight the demons that were overtaking me in New Brunswick, I could have had the opportunity.

Across the room, near the French doors that lead out to the patio of my apartment, I hear my phone ring again. It's the third time in five minutes. My only instinct is to ignore it. I want – no, need – to be alone. Christmas has past, another year gone. Another year with nothing new. No change in my life, as far as the direction I want it to go in anyway.

The ringtone dies only to start up again and as much as I want to ignore it, I can't any longer. I get up and cross the room to pick it up. Kwest's name lights up across the screen and I flip open the phone to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Dude, where have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you for over an hour and a half."

"Oh, I..." I trail off, not able to find an excuse.

"You need to get down to the arena right away. You've missed half of sound check and I can only cover your ass so much. Darius isn't going to be happy if you don't show."

Arena? I'm confused for a second. "Oh shit!" I exclaim, looking at the clock on my cable box. Jude's comeback concert was in two hours. I was supposed to do sound with Kwest.

"Yeah, oh shit is right. Get your ass down here!"

"Calm down, I'll be there." I close the phone and rush to grab a clean set of clothes.

* * *

Twenty-five minutes later I'm walking into the arena, freshly shaved with a venti Starbucks in my hand. Though the heaviness of no sleep and the realization of everything is still weighing upon me, I go through the motions of work. We get the lights set up and sound corrected (because no one has an ear like I do) just in time for Jude to do a run through of the show.

I stay back in the shadows of the sound area, watching her as she does what she made to do. Unabated love is written on my face, I know, but who's here to see in the darkness? A tear escapes my eye as I remember what we shared just a few days ago. Despite her recording new tracks for a potential new album, she is performing mostly old stuff tonight with the exception of 'Wide Awake', 'Hallelujah (Sadie's Song)', 'Decode', and one I've never heard of until tonight 'Under the Water'.

She's beautiful up on stage. The night goes off without a hitch and she's perfect despite the year and a half out of the spotlight. The crowd goes wild even when she announces she'll be returning to New York in a few days. The concert is winding down and several of the techs have already left for the night, which I don't mind. Darius always over staffs these events, so there's more than enough people to help take everything down. The lights dim with a spotlight on Jude and Speid sets a stool down a few inches behind her where she stands at her microphone. She sits and adjusts the mic to level and from the darkness she's handed a guitar.

"So," She breathes into the microphone, looking over her eyelashes. "this is the last song of the night. It's a new one, so new it's not even recorded yet."

A few phones go up in the air, ready to catch this video-worthy moment. "It's called...'Under the Water'."

She takes a deep breath, sets her fingers and all is silent as she begins to sing. "_Lay my head, under the water._" She strums her guitar solo, the soft chords echoing through the arena. "_Lay my head, under the sea. Excuse me sir, am I your daughter? Won't you take me back, take me back and see?_" She kicks the stool back in time as the lights shoot up and SME start their respective instruments. "_There's not a time, for being younger...and all my friends, are enemies. And if I cried unto my mother...no she wasn't there, she wasn't there for me!_"

The crowd began to cheer as Speid echoed on his guitar, standing next to Jude and repeated her lines. "_Don't let the water drag you down! (Don't let the water drag you down) Don't let the water drag you down!_" He stepped back as the lights flashed. "_Broken lines, across my mirror! Show my face, all red and bruised and though I screamed and I screamed! Well no one came running...well, I wasn't saved, no I wasn't safe from you._" Her eyes bore out across the crowd and I once again realize one of the reasons of why I fell in love with her.

I find her later, after the show, in her dressing room. She sits at the vanity, slouched over as she removes her make up. SME had gone home and I'd seen Kwest leave with Sadie just moments ago. I knock lightly on the open door and lean against the doorjamb. "You did great tonight, girl. As always, I enjoyed the show."

She looks up at me, a sad smile on her face. "Thanks, Quincy." She says as she turns back to the mirror to begin brushing her hair.

I could sense she was tired and not just physically, normally she was buzzing after a show and bouncing off the walls, but anyone could see she was emotionally drained. "So back to New York, huh?" I asked, looking down as I hit my heel against the toe of my shoes. Part of me expected it, but the other part wasn't ready to let go yet.

It seemed as if the roles have switched. Before I was so ready to let her go, yet she clung to me. Now, I'm the one clinging for dear life.

"Yeah, I may actually have a chance to go to London if I play my cards right." She says in a tired voice.

"You have always wanted to go..."

"Yep."

I have so much I want to say.

I love you.

Stay with me, please. I need you. We can heal together.

But I can do nothing but agree with her. To let her go.

"About the other night..." She starts and I wave my hand to stop her, but she continues. "I didn't mean to – to leave you, but Sadie expected me back...and..."

"Don't worry about it, Jude."

"I'm sorry...about everything." She turns to face me now, but I can't look at her. It hurts, it does, to let her go, but I have to. It's what she wants. I can't force her to stay when she doesn't want to.

When there's nothing left to try to hold on to for us.

"I should be the one apologizing," I say as I shake my head. "If I hadn't done what I had, we wouldn't be in this predicament." I approach her and bend down to eye level with her. Taking her hands in mine and looking into her eyes. "I'm sorry, Jude...really, really sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry you had to go through the miscarriage alone. I should have been a better man." She nods quietly, tears silently making their way down her cheeks. I lift both of her hands to my lips and place a chaste kiss on them.

I stand then, walking back to the door. "Hey," I say, turning around. "Have fun in London. Don't, uh, don't forget about me..."

I walk out of the room and I could've sworn I hear her say something but I don't turn around. Either in fear of what may happen or what else might be said...or maybe both. It's taking everything I have to let her go this time, to not pursue. She's mine, always will be, but I need to do this.

They always say, if you love something let it go...if it comes back, it's yours – if not, then it never was yours to begin with.

She's come back once, through no fault of her own, but I have a feeling this time she won't be gone for long. She'll be back and she'll be mine.

No doubt about it.

_You don't want me, no, you don't need me. _

As I drive home, I reminisce on the times we had. The times in the studio, at the ranch when she'd just been fifteen and I too scared to want to pursue her.

_Like I want you, oh, like I need you. _

She was so beautiful then. Untainted by the music world or by love. So innocent.

My mind travels to when we first officially got together and the times we spent just driving around, making up lyrics along the way. It was so easy to be together. Laying in the grass of a forest not too far off the dirt road we'd parked on. Desperate for alone time together that wasn't dictated by anyone.

_And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life._

She'd stolen my heart when she was fifteen and I still very much feeling like twenty-five and worried about the police on my back, went after her sister instead. I still couldn't deny the pull she had on my heart. She was a part of everything I did back then and, despite my momentary lapse of judgment, she still is today.

_Love, love, love...love, love, love._

That night instead of sleeping like I should have. Or even going home to my God forsaken apartment – I head to G-Major to begin editing. Jude leaves for New York in approximately thirty hours. I already have been awake for, going on, two days...what's one more day going to do?

_Love, love, love...love, love, love. _

By four in the morning, I have eight tracks edited and ready to burn on a CD for Jude. A little over a half an hour later, I'm laying down a new track by myself. "_You don't see me, no, like I see you...I can't have you, no, like you have me._"

A small final piece for her, that will probably go unheard to by the world, but this is meant for one set of ears anyway. We'd always spoke best through our music, so I'm hoping that this will speak to her. "_And I want you in my life...and I need you in my life._"

"_Lo-ove."_

By seven the CD is burning and I'm reclining back in the chair. My eyes are heavy, but my need to finish this has driven me on. Reluctantly while the computer hums as going through the burning process, I close my eyes. This time when I close my eyes, I see nothing.

_You can't feel me like I feel you. I can't steal you, like you stole me._

A dull, black void.

I can take a nap. G Major opens in two hours. Two hours then I'll be up and finishing what I need. I know Jude needs to stop in before she leaves for the airport and I plan on slipping this into her bags before she leaves, hopefully unnoticed.

_And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life..._

Just a little sleep, that's all I need...

* * *

**Author's Note! **

Just two more chapters and I will bid farewell to 'Gone'. But I will have a sequel called 'Back To You'. It will be all in 3rd POV and starting from when Jude arrives in London. I didn't want to drag this story out much longer and bore you with fillers and nonsense. I think the gist of this story has been told. It will still be a Jommy, though this one did not end up this way. Please have faith, faithful readers! I want to know people are still reading, however, before investing time in the sequel. This story is my baby and I want to know that it's getting out there. Review! Let me know if you hate it, love it, wish I would have changed some things. I always used to love hearing from my readers and I still do!

Next chapter will tie up loose ends including Jude confessing to Sadie, Nicole/Speiderman love thing, the fate of SME, and another appearance of Georgia! After that will be Jude's arrival in NYC and how Lucas handles their break up now that she's back in town. Also! We find out what Jude's job duty is for her while she's in London on Vogue's tab. Hopefully you are as excited about this as I am!

So, please review ! Hate it , love it, wish I would have changed some things? Also, anything you want figured out in the last few chapters, tell me!

I love you all. Xo.


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